Chapter 15

After Edward left the party, I felt unaccompanied. It has been a while since I socialised with others. After Luke died, I found it hard to talk to others without them having the sympathy look on their faces.

I'm not upset about it. Although, I don't like it either. I looked around through the crowd and walked to the kitchen's counter to grab some water. As I observed everyone, I felt the warmth of a hand on my right shoulder. It was Shasha's. I turned my head to her, she smiled at me "Hey, why are you here alone? "

"Edward just left. Oh, yeah, he apologizes for leaving your party early. He had like a family emergency or something like that" I told her, giving her a small smile

She nodded then nudged me a shoulder to shoulder "Caleb told me he saw you looking cosy with Edward just now"

"Is there something's going on with you two?" She added, grinning at me

I chuckled, shaking my head "No, we were just talking. You know, catching up about each other's life"

She nudged me again "yeah right, but you should give him a chance though. I mean, he's cute and you both look cute together."

I sighed "I still love Luke, Shasha," I said, weakly

She weakly smiled at me then hugged me "I just don't want you to be sad anymore, Shay. He wants you to be happy."

We broke apart from the hug. "Changing the topic, I have an idea. Tomorrow, you're coming with me. Just you and me like the old times" Shasha said

I gave her a questioning look " Where to?" Shasha looked at me and raised her eyebrow " that's for me to know, and you to follow" she said while pointing her index finger at herself then at me with sass

I chuckled at her gestures. Caleb walked towards us and said "Ello, ladies. I didn't want to ruin your conversation but, Shay... May I steal my girl for a couple of minutes?"

I smiled "She's all yours, Cal" Shasha had a questioning look on her face "Where are you taking me now??". Caleb took Shasha's hand and locked it with his hand "To dance, my love". The questioning look on Shasha's face broke into a grin. I watch them as they were dancing in the middle of the room, I'm happy for them. They were laughing, talking while dancing. I knew at the moment that they are made for each other.

*Flashback*

Luke and I are walking around at the park across the mall, our hands intertwined with one another. I can feel the breeze of wind, I look at Luke. He was smiling at my gestures "It's calming, isn't it?" I smiled and nodded at him

We walk as we saw people are busking at the park, Luke guided me to them. People around the park were vibing along with the band, so does me and Luke. Luke looks at me then offering his hand to me "Do you trust me?" I took his hand "Always", he smiles at my answer and drags me at the centre near the band.

He places his hands on my waist and my hand, I knew this gesture so I smile and follow his lead. "One second ago, we were walking and watching them busking. Now, we are dancing, huh?" I asked Luke.

He smiles "Oh come on, don't pretend that you aren't enjoying this?" he said then twirls me then catches me with both of his hand on my waist and, my arms locked around his neck.

We were laughing, moving our hips along with the beat. Our eyes never leave each other, Luke leans in to kiss me and I kissed him back. I can hear people clapping around us. I was too focus on Luke, we broke our kiss.

Luke breathed heavily "I love you and I'll never leave you, baby"

I snapped to reality when I heard someone asking "Hey, are you okay?" I looked at that person "Um yeah, I'm okay. Why?" she looked at me with concern look on her face

"Sweetheart, there are tears on your eyes" she said slowly. I wiped my hand on my cheeks, I didn't realize I was tearing up over the flashback. I smiled weakly at her then went to grabbed my coat and I left Shasha's house. As I walked to my house, I texted Shasha that I've left her house so she wouldn't be worried about me.

I put my hands inside the pockets, as I was walking, I was lost in thoughts.

'I miss you, Luke. I thought you said you'll never leave me? Why do you have to leave me??'

I arrived home after 10 minutes walking from Shasha's. I went to the shower then went to bed. I tried to sleep off the tightness feeling on my chest, I breathe in and out slowly. I looked at my hands, it trembles. 'No, not again' I told myself.

I tried to close my eyes but when I did, all I can vision is Luke's final look before he died. I couldn't breathe, I want to cry but I feel numb. The inner part of me wants to scream, panic and I have this urge to exaggerate things.

I can hear the sound of the car crash, the amber alert, the screaming. I tried to focus on my breathing so I sat down on the floor, praying and wishing this would be over. I closed my eyes once again and slowly letting the darkness take me.

Losing someone in your life is hard, it's even harder to live your life as normal as possible. But, again, what's normal anyway? There's too much memory of him that breaks me and strengthened me too. There's always a special place for Luke in my heart.

I know I have to move on, but why it's so hard to live in a life with these voices in my head. Luke's final word stucks in my head. I pray and I pray for the torture to be over.

If you can hear me, Luke, loving you is the best thing I ever do and losing you tormented me to the person I am not.