XVI

They were in the house, Bruno with Bernadette were in the kitchen making dinner, Adrien was sitting at the table, and decideing how much to give the orphanage and how much to the couple on the street. Hee also decided to give the guys a little higher percentage, they risked alot, but they put grit. They deserved it. His share as usual would have gone to medication for the inner's daughter, the smallest sister of Coline. He also promised Lila that he would go to the orphanage to visit Juleka. He had to find the time. He poured more wine in the glass and swallow it down one sip. Was Antoinette still in her room? She didn't really intend to get out of there and let herself look a little bit? God, he was losing patience. Why did she have to be so difficult? It was true, he went with other women, but because he couldn't have her. She couldn't be hungry so much. He was still drinking.

"It's ftnny for you, pretending that your lies have no impact on people and on you, you're going to get them to bed and then you go like it's nothing, like it's not about you."

Those words were even in his mind, and the more he drank more bully and made rage grow in him. What did she know about him? What did she know about the doors locked in the face and the "no"? Nobody ever said her "no". Nobody left her rot in a corner of the street and pray to die as soon as possible. She had no void to fill, she had no feelings to be dismissed, she had no thoughts to bury or pain to heal. She couldn't judge him. She had no right to tell him that he was pretending that his lies had no impact on him and others. He knew it very well and he didn't pretend the opposite, but it was a vicious circle. To be okay, he just had to keep lying again. He knew that those women would not be replaced a true love, but they made forget. Until she came. Then what was he supposed to do? To leave his life completely for a woman who didn't even look at him? But then she looked at him. Then she talked to him. Then she kissed him. Then, then, then. The last glass was over.

<< ChatNoir, stop drinking. >> The friend approached him and took the bottle of wine with his glass full again. He wanted to rebel, but he was still lucidity to understand that he was right. He had to keep up and conscious enough if there were other complications. Today, they saw a great deal of royal guards, but among the people there was no voice. Maybe they didn't want Paris to panic.

<< I'm going to call the princess. >> Bernadette said before leaving the room.

<> Bruno accused him.

It's been a lot lately. He didn't have time to answer him because, while he was looking for the right words, the two women came in the dining room.

<< I eat and I'll feel better. >> He said to reassure him.

Bernadette took the pits to the table and he could see the princess smile at her to thank her.

She was so damn beautiful. But she was different, she didn't seem like the same, she seemed tightly, the less-radical skin as if the lack of happiness had turned it off.

What was wrong with him? How could he let suffer a wonderful creature like her? Why didn't she look at him? He saw her, sitting there, with his heart in her hands. He returned the days he said he would be over, that it was enough not seeing her again, but the more he went ahead and the more he knew she was never going to go on and seeing her once a week wasn't enough . Because of her, he really touched the bottom, never like those days he had been looking for company. When he wanted to be looked at by her, when it was just a slight drunk that he though would end, it was just increased, as the desire he had to push her into the wall and kiss her.

He felt like shit. In him, he was yelling for a forgiveness that she probably wouldn't have given him.

Antoinette felt observed and broke it by looking at him, even though only for a fraction of a second.

God, she was driving him crazy. It never had any of them. Fighting like this, with her, it didn't make sense to others, but she really made him out of his mind. And yet he wanted her. Just her. And he wouldn't let them spend their only days, in which they could fake a "forever", like that.

They wouldn't have gotten directly to "never" in so little time. They didn't even say an "I love you." Did she love him? Even if they were so different, even though her silk skin was in contrast to his who, like an armor, protected him from life.

He prayed to be looked. If she looked him, even one more time, it meant that love was looking him and then he wouldn't have been finding blind. He'd have done her his again.

<< It's delicious Bernadette, really. >> Antoinette congratulated.

<< He helped me. >> She said pointing Bruno smily.

<< What are you talking about? I just cut the potatoes.>> Bruno seemed...Awkward. Did he have a crush on the Company lady?

<< Congratulations. >> She Smiled again.

Damn it if she was beautiful.

<< What do you say, Chat? >> The friend turned to him.

<< Very good, really. It's a shame you can't cook for us forever. >> He pretended to smile, but he really thought that things, and Bernadette perceived him and thank him for the compliment.

Adrien stood up from the chair and started to clear the table.

<< I'll take care of it. >> The brown lady came up fast.

<< You've already cooked, really, we didn't take you to serve us. >> he gently smiled by inviting her to sit. When he arrived by Antoinette, and he went to take her plate, he made that his hand touch her arm. She didn't turn back to herself, and she sighed like she wanted that contact.

<< Can I take it, my lady? >> He indicated the fork she was still holding. He watched her getting red and nod.

Why did anything he said appear to be doing it with malice?

The blond, satisfied with the reaction, took his hand on her and by caressing her fingers, came to grab the object.

<< You should leave it, though.>>

She was at limite and, instead of leaving the fork, she stood up making rubing the chair behind her, she turned to the young boy who took the hand from the object, in the moment of that shot, and put it on the plate that he was holding whit his hand before going from there.

Adrien was amused. He knew he could still fix things. That was the proof. She still wanted him.

He went to the kitchen, washed the dishes and returned them in their place.

In the cupboard, he hid a small box containing something he bought for his princess. He took it and checked that he stayed with her so he could bring it to her.

<< Where are your lady and...>>

<< they went for a walk. >> She interrupted.

<< Can you take that book off? >> He placed in front of her.

<< Do we have anything else to say? >> She challenged him by looking at him from the chair she sat on.

<< Yes, I have more to say. >> He pulled the book off her hands and put it on the window. He saw her snuff.

He took courage.

<< You're right. I'm an idiot trying to pretend that it's okay to replace love with sex, but I don't even remember how much it was. I'm sorry, but now I want to talk to you about myself.>> he put the decorated box and she, uncertain and misguided took it, opened it and opened wide th mouth surprised.

Those were the macarons of her favorite bakery.

But he's how...She looked at him with astonishment and he smiled at her.

<< I told you how much I watched you. >> He sat on the ground, in front of the woman.

<< Did you buy them this afternoon for me? >> She asked trying to hide the smile.

<< Yes, but because of the discussion I couldn't give you it. >>

<< Thank you. That's a very kind thought. But you're not going to buy me with desserts. >> She said seriously.

<< I know, Princess. You must listen to me. Please.>>

Antoinette nodded after she looked his eyes. He seemed sincere.

<< I'm a bad person, I'm all your father, the king, wants to expel from the country. I get drunk, I go to women, and sometimes I've used opium. I'm a thief, if it's to save my skin, I'm going to kill. But I'm not a liar.

I've never deceived a woman, everyone know what I want from them and it's good for everyone. The two you've heard of are Lila and Coline, the first one works in a bet, and she's the prostitute manager and she managed the rooms and the clients, and we're really very friends, so I've known her for a long time and help the orphanage where the younger sister is kept. >>

<< Adrien...>>

< No, let me finish. The second is the daughter of a poster who's been hosting me since I was a brat, I was stealing medicine for the little girl who was sick, she still is. He saved me from the street, gave me a roof when nobody could or wanted to. Coline may be unbearable and sometimes she is, but with me she can open up and she can be herself and she is not bad, she can also be nice. Unfortunately, she grew up in the shadow of the mother.

Anyway, before I go to bed with them...I've been in love. >> He stopped by his own willingness. He took a deep breath.

<< If you don't want to talk about it's not a problem, but I don't understand how you apologize telling me about your other women. >> She said discussing.

<< I'm not telling you about them to make it up to you. I just want to tell you about me. >> He explain.

Antoinette was actually very impressed by the young man's story. His story was really interested, so she waited for him to keep going.

<< She was a prostitute. She was recently in the business. I remember when I first saw her, I thought it would be nice to lose my boy innocence with her, so I went to steal and went back with the money to get her. She made fun of me because I was really stuck, the problem was that I liked her, and I didn't want to make a bad impression. It's not useful to say that it was a disgusting thing. The following days I was going to steal to pay for her time, but we talked, we talked a lot about everything. >> He Smile at those memories. How long have he been talking about it so loud? Maybe he never did it. No, he never mentioned her.

<< I fell in love. The more we talked, the more I fell in love. She said she loved me, and I'm sure it was true, she couldn't lie. We made love, really, we did it sincere, and this time, there was no such thing or pressure. Only the more time spent, the fear of being caught was growing and growing my jealousy. Going away and seeing the face of the next one who would have had her...Or go to her and have to wait for my turn. But more than all I feared for her life, a prostitute can't fall in love. So I decided to leave her, she begged me to stay, and we ended up fighting and I... > He shake his voice and he fell his head. It was so hard to talk about it. He felt a caresse on the cheek and went back to watch Antoinette. His Antoinette.

Reverse courage to continue.

<< I moved by a blind jealousy, I took her without love, telling her if. . . If it was better now than. . . I was like all the others. I didn't kiss her that time. While I was pushing away, with anger in the chest, I heard a scream. She was screaming my name, and I didn't know what to do, I was paralyzed by fear, but then, to hell, I ran at her, but it was too late. They killed her. I could run. >>

<< Adrien...I am... >> Tears were made up her cheeks but they didn't make noise. << I didn't want to love anymore, I was afraid Antorinette, I was terrified. Everyone I loved was taken away from me, one way or another. My parents, my younger sister, she. . . And that's why I started drowning the pain in alcohol and hiding my heart in other people's beds. It was less painfull, even though I imaginade I was loved by those women, then leaving them wasn't so painful. >> He kneeled to her feet and took her face with the hands in order to bring him closer to his and to be watched.

<< But then you came, as a lightning sent by God, you kidnapped my heart and I started to fill the gap, and I didn't want to love again. But I'm here now and it didn't work because it was. . . I love you. I mean it, I love you. >> As soon as the phrase ended up on her lips and began to kiss her urgently.