The Mass and Wedding Preparations

I just stared at the food in front of me. I don't know how I should feel. My dream still lingers in my mind.

Then now it's about the marriage that I don't really want to think about anymore, but it reminds me of.

"Why haven't you moved your food yet ?.Is there a problem Khiella? "

I looked up at Ezriel who was in front of me and just stared at me, as if watching me while eating.

"uhm .. I'm just thinking about something."

I said and took the spoon and fork, then started to swallow the food and chewed it before swallowing. I can't deny that he's delicious to cook. I'm the only one who's really poor, because I'm not good at cooking. I looked up again at him who was already starting to eat.

"Ezriel"

I call him. He lifted it and then looked me straight in the eye, as if he already knew what I was going to tell him. He didn't speak, waiting for me to say directly whatever I wanted to say to him.

"About the wedding tomorrow. I want to tell you that, I hope you don't regret that you agreed to the marriage and you don't want to accept my divorce offer after we get married. "

I said. He just looked me straight in the eyes. I don't know but it's like I saw something pass by with anger and pain in his eyes that also disappeared immediately. He wiped his mouth and then lifted his cup from the table then drank coffee, before starting to speak to answer me.

"Khiella no matter what else you say..I will not allow you to want a divorce. And as for what you said I would not regret, that I agreed to the marriage. Will I regret it if I marry you? "

I was suddenly taken aback by what he said especially the last thing he said. nails stared at him and also turned in the other direction to avoid and quit staring at him. I can't explain how I feel right now. My chest was pounding too hard.

I could not understand him, what he meant.

"You don't know how our marriage might affect you."

I said and started sucking again without looking away from him.

"Why ?. Are you going to do something bad ?. I understand if what you're pointing at is that I don't know you very well, and I don't know anything about you. It's the same with me so we're just the same "

He said I looked up at him again. I took a deep breath because I couldn't seem to breathe properly because of the strange feeling caused by what he was saying and his presence in front of me. he didn't know that the effect he was having on me was too much.

I couldn't understand why is he being like this?.

What does he want to release? What does he mean ?. I couldn't understand him, I didn't know what he wanted to convey with what he was saying. I'm not an assuming person. And I also don't want to assume that he feels the same way about me.

What does he really want? Why just he will direct me so that I won't hesitate to answer, that he is the only one who can give and say.

"Any way hurry up there because before we go where we're going we will go to church first, because it's sunday today."

I was stunned because of what he said. I raised my head again and looked at him.

"I don't go to church. You're such a religious man Ezriel"

I said with teasing. He shrugged his shoulders then quickly finished his meal and stood up.

"Hurry up because we're going to miss a mass"

He says. I looked away and then ate quickly and then stood up.

"I don't go to church."

I simply told him and then walked up the stairs to go up to the bedroom.

"Now let's go to church"

I turned to him and then sneered at him.

"You might be surprised that I suddenly disappear, because I've been melted."

I said angrily to him and then turned my back and walked away again. But also stopped because of what he said.

"You can't be burned inside the church. for the burning man is in his heart the fire will break because of the hidden core lies that are forced to bury in the pit of evil "

"You're probably not like that. And one more thing, everyone can enter the church without being burned in a psychical form."

what does he mean?. Suddenly there was a flare -up that I shouldn't have felt. He doesn't know everything about me, but why I'm being hit by what he's saying.

This is not right.

I could not move from where I was standing when I felt him approach me and then pat me on the shoulder before giving me another aggravation that we need to hurry.

"Hurry up there because we still have a lot to do that needs to be taken care of."

and then he proceeded to his room. Why I feel like he knows something. Maybe not, because that's impossible.

I forced myself to move and follow what Ezriel wanted to happen. After that we left for church. I don't like this idea. because I do not believe in God.

I don't care what they believe is unrealistic.

When we got to the church I didn't go down immediately, as if I just wanted to get in the car and just wait for him here, and after the mass.

he went out of the car and then turned to open the door for me.

"Come on Khiella down there."

After he said that, a man approached him with Eman and Kries Mae. it was as if my heart was racing again when I saw her, dressed in formal attire but simple. She still looks beautiful, she smiled at me and then quickly approached.

She immediately anchored her hand and arm to my arm and pulled me out of the car. too strong of my heartbeat. I also feel very nervous especially because she is so close to me.

I grabbed her hand to remove its anchor to my arm.

"Eyy, why is your hand cold ?. What's the problem? Are you sick now Khiella?"

She asked, I can't look directly at her. I just shook my head and then looked at the church. I was surprised when Kries Mae's face met mine and touched my forehead. I couldn't help but look at her lips that very pinkish because of its naturalness.

Her lips were feels like so smooth and soft that I want to touch with mine.

I looked away and walked slightly away from her slowly. She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at me before trying to leave in front of me then just stood next to me.

Someone was right on my shoulder and when I thought it was Fernand who smiled at me and winked. he removed his arm that was holding me when Ezriel tapped it with some strength.

Fernand backed away and then hesitated to leave. I heard Eman sneeze to get our attention.

He smiled and then approached me.

"Khiella it's nice to see you here. Any way, even though you refuse my invitation yesterday night for the Bible study to night is fine, because you are here"

Kries Mae put her arms again in me and rested her head on my shoulder. I felt like I want to just pass out because of this feelings I am feeling right now. It's a mix feelings that I couldn't understand anymore. Because it's for the two person is in both of my side.

"Any way, let's go inside the mass will about to start"

Eman said and we went inside the church. This is not what I want, I don't want it here.

It's making me real sick.

I looked around and watched people praying while Kneeling.

They are just pretending to pray and they continue doing sins. When they come out of this church, their mouths will utter lies and hurtful words. It doesn't matter what they pray for, because it all useless.

The kind of People thinks they are all saints but they are very evil. A kind people thinks they are holy and perfect, until they just show up inside the church and in front of other people they meet but are full of plasticity, full of pretense.

they all say that when you go to church all your sins will be gone and reduced. .but if all that is true, why is it that all those who are here, confessing their sins after leaving the church are still full of anger and hatred in their heart, swearing and what other evil is being done.

we sat down in the vacant seat and the mass began just in time. I just sat staring at the front where the preacher was.

"Good morning everyone. Thanks God that all of you are here for our studying God's words and gospels."

"So let's us all pray before we start"

And all of the people here closed their eyes to pray. I was the only one who don't bother to close my eyes to pray.

I looked around again and to Eman, Kries, Ezriel and Fernand are also praying while eyes are closed. After the preacher started to read Bible.

I was just looking in front of the church thinking that the way of their praying is not the same as catholic. They don't sign the cross before starting to pray. I get back in reality when Kries Mae whisper something in my ear. I look at her and she signed to me, to listen because maybe she noticed I wasn't into what the preacher saying.

"Brethren, we know that our Lord God is very good he loves us so much that he gave his son to atone for our sins. "

"Our Lord Jesus Crucified, that we may be redeemed. Praise the Lord . And it is said in John 10:30 that he and the father are one so our Lord Jesus and God, the Holy Spirit are one. "

I want to laugh because they are so funny. They are funny because they believe in God which is not true. And there have another problem, how can they say all that. everything they say is purely from their own understanding.

The religion of the people is confusing. There are different opinions and beliefs. How can they say that Jesus is God if they also say that he is the son of a heavenly father?. Confusing right?.

"Many wonder and question. There are also many who do not believe that Jesus and the father are one. That Jesus Christ is a son of God and a son of Marry. Because people have different beliefs. But not all human understandings and beliefs are the truth or real one"

I want to get out of this place and leave. I could not understand what they were saying. And hard to understand. My head hurts mentally. Because I can't get what they're really aiming for.

What came into my mind? and I agreed to what Ezriel wanted.

Many more were said and preached by what they called pastors. I don't know how I feel but I don't think that anything will enter my brain with the sermons that I try not to think about because I don't want to.

The masa goes on in on until it's done that I really thank its already done.

We went out of the church and walk closer to every car of their own. We went to the shop Ezriel was talking about and then after a minute we checked our suits and gowns.

Ezriel try to wear his suit and it really fits in him perfectly. I was just looking at him. And my heart started to beat faster again. He really is gorgeous and handsome.

No matter how I want to be free in falling inlove with him. I can't because they are two. And I'm so stupid for feeling this.

We did lot of stuffs for our wedding tomorrow. We went to a shop for cakes then talk to the designer of our wedding them. Ezriel's parents came and they also choose a perfect them.

I was so tired because it's very a long day for me that happened this day. My head are getting hurt. I was so quiet when we get home.

I'm so thirsty right now. That's why I went to the kitchen for water then went upstairs, but before I could finally enter to my room when I get there. Ezriel was there that surprised me.

"what are you doing there?"

I asked and he just came closer to me and then give me a kiss on my forehead that shocked me. My heart abnormally beat. I really hate how he affect me.

"what--"

I did not finished what I am going to say when he paused me.

"Goodnight, sleep well be ready for tomorrow honey. I'm sure you're tired. Go on rest now"

He said and walk away from me. Again I am left with no words and just staring at his back. When Ezriel are turning his head to give me one last glance before finally go inside of his room, I immediately opened the door of my room and went inside nervously.

I hate him, I hate how he affect me this much.