One of the traumatizing memories

"Hey dear what's up?"

Suddenly I was taken aback when Kries approached me. She smiled and then sat down beside me.

I did not control and stop myself, I suddenly hugged her and I felt her soft skin that touches in me. The feeling that gives me, is something really familiar.

Shock plastered on her beautiful face then tapped me on my back and asked if what is wrong. I just shook my head and hugged her tight. The small of her perfume is making her even more attractive and seductive. As if I got back in the reality and realized what I am doing.

" Is there something wrong?"

" What's with the sudden hug?"

I shook my head quickly and stood up. Exactly as I stood up my phone rang and it's Ezriel.

After grabbing and shoving my phone on my pocket and saw that it was Ezriel who is calling me. I press the answer button and put it to my ear.

" yeah? "

I respond while never giving a glance to Kries Mae who is now just watching me.

[ " Are you done with your class?. I will pick you up, be there after a minute"]

Shock plastered on my face because of what he said. I suddenly felt excited and happy after hearing it, that he will pick me up. And my heart, as if it will jump out.

Why am I feeling this kind of feelings?, I shouldn't feel this.

[ " wait me there"]

Then he hang up the call and so I turned to Kries who were just watching me until now.

" Who called you?"

She asked and I still didn't answer her, she already who it was that call me.

"Owh.. Your husband"

She maliciously smile and tease me.

" Any way how's the experience of being a wife of Ezriel?. Did you two have already did the hm?"

My eyes widen as I looked at her because of what she said. It's embarrassing. I don't know why I'm being like this.

" Stop that Kries. We- we still haven't do anything. We still didn't do it "

I said and she just teased me.

" Owh why?. "

She said and looks disappointed like as if she's so excited for me to do it with my husband. I got a bit stunned because of the realization about me having a husband and it's him, the also my Love.

It flatters my heart knowing that he is my husband and I'm his wife. But my flattering heart quickly got a heavy feelings because it still has a big problem.

Fun is associated with curl. Because it is this brother and relatives, children of sorrow the pain and sorrow of our people. In this world full of bad people you can be hurt. whenever I think that I am now married, that I married the person I secretly love, I am also sad, maybe I am afraid that any day or time will come when all that is mine will be taken back just like before. So sometimes I don't want to think about it too much.

We were stopped by someone who spoke behind us. And when I looked back, Ezriel was staring at us. He approached me and then told me we were going home.

I nodded to him then turned back to Kries Mae to say goodbye. She nodded and immediately gave me another look and a malicious smile. I couldn't help but shake my head and not look at Ezriel. I walked first and he immediately followed and matched my walk.

I was surprised when he hold my hands. I turned to look him but he's just looking at the path we are taking.

I felt electricity flow through my whole body again. And my heart, which used to be beating fast, has now increased. I was barely aware and I simply smiled. The pleasure of feeling to hold the hand of the person you love. Even chaotic and inexplicable how I feel now. I am happy but there is always sadness and anxiety associated with it. The smile immediately disappeared from my lips, remembering that we didn't feel the same way. I know he feels nothing for me. I'm probably the only one who always loves but never get the return.

As we walk towards the exit of the school. We pass a lot of students who were looking at us and I already know what's on their minds. It's either they are amazed and wondering if who is this with me and why we are holding our hands while walking. I also couldn't understand myself why my hands didn't seem to let go of his hand. Even though I suddenly felt ashamed.

" Before we go home, we will go the restaurant to eat. I already know you don't know how to cook properly. Tomorrow will find and hire a maids."

He said and that makes me look at him.

"Why?"

I know I asked a stupid question. But can't do anything about it, it already came out of my mouth.

It's obvious that it's because of me. Ezriel look at me as he open the door of his car for me.

Annoyed, I got in the car and waited for him to enter. When he got inside the car he immediately drove it towards the expensive restaurant.

I just silently stared out of the car. Watching people. I saw a mother with her children and grandmother who were riding in a Jeep. I suddenly remembered the time when I'm still with my aunt and grandma. we are waiting for a taxi to get to the airport because we are going to Spain and live there. The life that we thought was good and beautiful awaited us there was just a complicated experience destined to happen to us in that country. Grandma and Aunt Mellyien, believed their acquaintance who said that there was a good life waiting for us there. but the truth is danger and darkness await us.

One of the things I promised myself, was that when I got out of that hellish place there I would find the person who caused our ultimate destruction and feed on darkness. Our lives and souls are enslaved and eat what is unjustly offered to us.

That was also one of my reasons for me to not believing in God. I cannot bear the filth of events with us. Where is the God of the times we need him? He is not there because he is not really real. Where is the justice ?, the iniquity?, humanity?, equality, and freedom? Where is it?

There is none. That's also why I don't believe in Love, Mercy, and forgiveness.

I was taken aback when Ezriel called and pinch my hand. I didn't notice he's been calling me nor talking to me. I was too preoccupied by those thoughts.

" By the way. Tomorrow, we're going to the precinct for the investigation. The suspect of the crime scene happened last month, who killed the innocent man was already got arrested."

It was as if I was asleep and dreaming then been woke up to reality. I already forgot about that incident. But it's good that it will be the content of our conversation.

Suddenly I remember the case about Kries, so I turned to him asked.

" What about the case on Kries Mae's case?."

He nodded and then after an hour we finally arrived to the restaurant. He immediately got out and went to me to the door, and I went out of the car.

We walked into the restaurant together. But I looked at him when I felt his hand now holding my hand. I just stared at him as I walked into the restaurant.

" Table for two. For me and for my wife"

He said then smiled. My heart beat faster again. I don't know why, when he mentions the word wife I feel happy. But of course I won't make him know about it. I know he has no feelings for me so I shouldn't assume and I don't want to have hope that he feels the same way about me. Because it hurts to rely on someone who will never be able to love you back. Sometimes actions are deceptive.

We sat on the chair and continued what we are talking about a while ago after telling our orders to the waiter.

" So. About that guy. He's also already got arrested. That's why we need to go to the precinct tomorrow."

I nodded then drink water. Owh I remember about his friend so I lifted up to face him and asked.

"How about, about the case of your friend?. What's the update?"

He didn't say anything just looked at me straight in the eyes. But mean while he gave me his response.

"Still there's nothing new update about the investigation of him"

What does his friend look like ?. Why do I feel like I will recognize him when I find out or see his face. I looked again at Ezriel who was just staring at me.

"Uhm. Mind, if can I see how he looks like?"

I saw an hesitation on his expression. So I immediately speak up.

" It's okay if you don't want to."

Ezriel grabbed his phone and shove it out of his pocket then gave it to me. I looked at him with a question mark. But then already get what he wanted me to do.

" You're my wife after all. So if what is mine is also yours, if what's on my phone is should known by my wife".

He said that makes my heart beat faster and felt really flattered. But at the same time it's really annoying and make me so irritated to myself. How dare and how could I am, letting him affect me this much.

" Stop that! You're so irritating and annoying"

He just laugh and after hearing him laugh is as it's like a music in my ears.

This is crazy!.

" That's great my wife. Be annoyed and irritated more, because the more you got irritated and annoyed by me is how the more you love me"

I felt so frustrated by what he just said. My heart can't stop pounding. I tried to look irritated by him and trying to met my eyebrows and frowned to stop myself from smiling.

He pinch my cheeks and smile. That perfect smile of him is really attractive. Why he have to be like that?.

" You're so cute"

I pouted after he said that to stop myself from smiling even more.

After a while our order finally reserved to us.

" Any way how was your day at school?"

He asked then put a steak and vegetables on my plate and did it also to him.

"Good"

I answered then started eating. While watching him eat his foods. Why this man is pretty gorgeous?. I shook my head just looked and focused on my food.

" Anyway I've heard that you make it to be a number one on the top list of the students in your school"

" Yeah."

" Your such really a clever person. So proud of you again"

"Uhm thanks"

"Owh. This is great then. This will be also our celebration for my wife being the top 1 again"

Seriously?. I watched him very impossible. This man is really, duh whatever. I don't want to say anything to complement him again.

We finished are dinner on that restaurant. So we went out of that place then walk towards his car.

I went inside and he did the same then drove home. When we get their I immediately went out of the after he parked it in the garage.

As soon as we entered the house, I immediately went upstairs and went straight to the bedroom. I sat on the bed for a while before getting up and getting a towel and pajamas then went straight to the bathroom to take a half bath. then exactly when I came out, I caught Ezriel lying on the bed and he turned to me then stood up and approached me. He took the towel from my hand. I was offended by what he did. I couldn't even speak to say a word to him when already went inside the bathroom.

He has his own towel, why would he use mine?. The nerve of him.

I lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I felt really tired. I remember what just happened earlier.

Remembering what Fernand told me, is making my felt really divested. I want to fought what I believe but it seems like. I don't have the right because at the first place. I'm not at the right place and not on the right hand to fight.

I don't seem to be standing up for what is right. I'm bieng blind and deaf. But no, I'm right !. I shouldn't be listening to what he says.

I was taken aback when I heard a door opened and accidentally saw Ezriel, only the towel that wrapping his waist to cover up his buttocks and upper down body part. I turned away, because suddenly it seemed like there was a fear that I had been hiding for a long time and now it just came back and felt it. Like the memories that I tried to forget and bury in the pit and oblivion because it was a nightmare that happened in my life.

My hand trembled as I walked closer to a bedroom door. I was suddenly pushed and forced into there and got locked their. I shouted and beg for help, I beg to them to get me out of here but no one listen.

" ¡Sácame de aquí por favor! ... ¡Sácame de aquí!"

       Translation: [ Get me out of here please!... Get me out of here!]

Suddenly, an elderly man came out of the bathroom and walk towards me while smirking. He grabbed and pulled me tightly then tied my hands and feet. The tears I've been controlling to don't ever fall is now instantly pouring down.

""No, por favor. ¿Qué pasa si tienes una hija, qué crees que sentirás cuando descubras que ha sido acosada y violada?"

        Translation:  [ No please. What if you have a daughter, what do you think will you feel when you find out that she has been harass and raped?]

I beg to him but it didn't stop him from doing what he wants to do with me.

" No por favor! ..... no !!"

      Translation: [ No please!...no!!]

I got really scared. Got scared even more when I felt a hand touches my arm. It made me got up from laying and embrace myself while crying.

" Khiella what's wrong?"

He didn't get a response from. I don't him as Ezriel right now, because I see him as those people who abused me. My vision is now a blurred because of the tears keep on falling down.