December 5, 2020 Saturday

Hello Self!

I am sorry I am late than that of usual time. Were you waiting for me? Did you miss me? Did I made you wait long?

Oops.. I am sorry hihi.. I just had to manage some things dear. Hope you understand cutie!

Well.. it was an interesting day today. My first practice exam was today. Subject was Physics and the mode was online. I told you the complete story yesterday. Such a long story oof! Haha.. let's move on to what happened today.

You know this and I think you would have get bored by listening it dear, but ONCE AGAIN I woke up late. 😁😁😁

I literally can't control my sleep. I sleep late and I wake up late. Haist.. my all schedule is messed up. This lockdown and pandemic really turned everything upwards down. Especially me.. the boy who was known to be the most famous nerd of the school.. the boy who used to study even in games period.. is now no longer fond of studying. He doesn't even know what he needs to study and what he should do. He .. haha.. he is just doing fun all day. Well.. haha me being such boy.. it feels a little wierd to me too. 2020 is really a changing year in everyone's life. I think the same case is with you also dear.

So, I woke up late and lied in the bed even after waking up because I was not in mood of doing anything. After a lot of time, I made myself leave the bed and arrange everything for the exams. I arranged answer sheets, blue pens (as black pens in prohibited to use in exams now) and my table. Sharp on time, paper arrived. Not even a second late. I was shocked literally. We had 3 hours to finish the exams. I sat and continued my exams. Finally, the exam went well. Atleast good, I can say. Now, clicking pics of sheet, making its pdf file and sending it to the related teacher was done by me.

And believe me, I am doing this all without having even a single chunk of food. Yes, I didn't even had my breakfast. I directly got to eat at 1:30 pm.

Later, I was helping my mom in some chores and talking about some random topics. Suddenly, all the topics shifted to my studies. I am always known as a star performer kid in my family and relatives.

Once in 5th standard, I gained 9th position in the complete province of mine. Around 20,000 students had filled up that form. I was literally shocked because you know, from Always, my handwriting has not been good enough. If the only thing I got scolded for in my schools.. is my handwriting. And that exam was a written exam. I had chosen my local language as the mode of exam and believe me, the local script is much harder to write than that of roman. Its very hard to maintain handwriting in that language. So, it was a surprise for me that I scored such a high position. But still, I wasn't selected for the school (it was an entrance exam) because I wear spects. And that school was military based school in which you cant get admission without getting both physically and mentally fit. I still remember how much I cried when they said i was disqualified just because of these bloody spectacles.

Well,i moved a little off topic. So, when I was talking to mom.. I could feel how much high expectations she and others have from me. I literally felt ashamed when she said that be the star of the sky and show everyone your callibre. As you know, I am gay and my family is a lot conservative. I am still thrilled about thinking what will happen when I will come out if the closet. Sometimes, I think I will never be able to come out because of my family, but it's too much suffocating here. I will have to come out anyway. I really don't know what I will do.

But don't worry, I and you together will find a way out of all these problems together.

And I think it's enough for today.I will be back against. Till then,

Bbye.

Love you.

Good night. 😘