Chapter 3

Getting a good percentage and getting into a good college is the dream of all students. But not everyone gets good marks some of them have to struggle a lot then others to get into a decent college. But they don't show how much they are hurt, how painful it is to just sit at home waiting for an email to pop up. A single email to let you know what your future is, where you are headed next. My situation was kind of like that but I somehow got lucky and get into a college. These days competition is so hard that everyone is pushing each other to get ahead.

After results were out for 12 everyone started hunting for college. Some of them already decided where they are going and were confident enough that they were a shoo in. Like I told early I somehow got lucky and got into a college. And those waiting days for an email or a call even a text were tortuous. The look at my parents face straight telling that they were upset but not at me actually for me not getting anywhere. But the day I got the email it was just the best. It was like a ray of hope finally falling at me after a hurricane. I thought this was it, my life is finally getting along but I never thought I was losing something else or already lost it. During those dreadful days waiting to hear back from the college I shut everyone around me expect for my family members. I didn't knew how to face my friends I wanted to tell them about my situation but I could not because I was feeling like a complete loser. I admit it was my fault to shut them but now I was at the edge to lose my friends. And I don't know what to do. I was alone I wanted to text them but I don't know why I feel hesitate. I open the chat or stare at the contact, the call button waiting to be press. But I could not and I just don't know why. Was something wrong with me or it was the guilt that was not allowing me? Whichever it was, it affected me. I sometimes text them, we talk for a while. But as I told you everything change. Its true when someone say after school you all will be separated. A call or text will be between you. Was it just me who was feeling like that? I don't know I am confused. At the beginning I told what did I do wrong that all my friends cut off me like that. Maybe it's the reason why.

By this time I was quite good at pretending. I pretend to be okay but actually I am not. I wanted to tell everything that is going on inside me. I wanted to share my feelings but I also got trust issues so I cannot tell anyone. You actually cannot trust anyone with your secret these days. One way or another that secret will come out behind your back. You can only tell to a very trusted individual. Who you know they will never spill your beans no matter what. Though I have extreme trust issues and do not trust anyone so easily I am a very good secret keeper. Once someone tells me something, that's it guys no one can get it out of me. I locked it inside me because I never want anyone to go through the feeling I had when my secret was exposed. It was extremely painful. That's why I am the secret keeper and anyone can rely on me. I wanted to be a person who is easy to talk to so that anyone can tell me what's going on in there mind. What is troubling them. Because I didn't have anyone before shelly to speak to. In fact shelly was the one who came and ask me if I was okay. And then I told her everything. At least I try to ease someone problem. It's the least I can do. To make them understand that they are not alone and can ask for help if they need.

I know what you thinking if someone needs help they will ask for a adult or professional help. But there are still a few who try to bury there feeling and act like they are fine. All they need is a friend to open up to them. Sharing there feeling, because there are many who does not want to confess there pain and want to deal with it alone. I know these stuff because I was one of them. And trust me we are very good at hiding our pain. If anyone just ask us if we are okay? Our answer will be always the same with a tiny smile "I AM FINE". These answer is the most common one and some people actually believe it when someone says they are fine but they are suffering from inside. The once who is good at hiding there pain can understand others who is feeling the same way.

Sometimes I think maybe I grow up too fast. Like my entire childhood I spend thinking who I am and why everything around me is so messed up. I found the answer myself because I didn't want my parents to get hurt for me anymore. But now I help my parents with everything I try to be the best daughter for them. I learn a lot of things and I am much more mature then my age. At times I also feel good about it like now I can do whatever I can but most importantly I will make my parents proud. There heads will held high when I will finally achieve my goal and I knew I can do it. It will take some time but I can and I will do and show everyone that anything is possible if you want that thing bad enough. Everyone who thought that I can never succeed they will see me that day and they will be speechless.