Chapter 4

The Haunting past

A little girl with complication in life

Wanted to be free,

Wanted to enjoy life.

But the ghost from her past

Keeps haunting her down

Unable her to move forward

Unable her to express love

No matter how much she tries

She cannot ger rid of the past

It helds her down,

Not letting her GO.

At some moment in life it comes right infront of her face

Tackling her down, at that time she wanted to scream

But she could not move, she froze like an ice statue

All she does is cry but in the inside.

She wanted to tell her love ones that she is in pain

But she is afraid that if she opens up

She won't be able to stop her tears.

The PAST threating her that it might hurt her love ones

But instead she wears a fake smile and keeps moving forward

Showing she is a lot stronger then she looks like

But from her inside a SOUL is asking for help.

I started writing poetry. And the one above is one of them. It really helps me to express myself. The first poetry I wrote, I read it to my best friend Amanda. She was so impressed and told me to write more. And the more I wrote, the more I feel lighter. Also talking with Amanda was so good. She and I are like lost twins and are just the same. And I am lucky to have her. We talked for hours and hours and never get bored. Beside shelly she is the one who know about my school drama. When I told her she said " I wish I knew you by that time. We would teach them a good lesson together" I smile at her. I also do really wish I knew her at that time. We both are foodies and eat a whole different food and tell which one is the best. Whenever I talk to her I feel like I don't have any kind of problem in my life. Just two of us against all the odds. I mean what best friend are for. To talk out each other feelings, to make our mind light, to lift us whenever we feel low. I know by this what best friend should be. But I am often afraid that what if I lose her? And I cannot bear that. I do not have the heart to lose one more friend. A friend like Amanda do not get easily and when you find one, make sure to keep he/she close to you. Because you never know when life will knock you out and you might need a shoulder to lean on. All those years I learn one thing that life is unexpected anything can happen and you must be ready at any cost. Sometimes things can be good and if you were having a bad day it can get worst. I am telling from experience it get's bad. That's why be prepared for anything. Whenever I tell these kind of things to Amanda she laugh and say " Don't worry. I am with you and I will never let anything bad happen to you. We are besties Always and Forever" I smile listening to her I mean I am lucky to have her. 'Always and Forever' that was our motto. We took vow that we will be together side by side to each other and never leave one another. Getting a friend like this who is ready to take a vow like that is very few these days. And I really wish our friendship stay like these and protected FORVER. People make promises also swear on there life that they will never break it but they break it like it was nothing, just a sick act for them. After going through so much when I meet Amanda, I feel like I finally found someone who is just like me. The broken pieces in my body that were hiding tells me that never lose her, she is the best, she was healing those pieces that were shattered inside me. Those pieces that I did not even knew that they were there. I just knew that something hurt inside me but did not knew what it was. Amanda found it and she help me. Getting a friend like her is a blessing, truly. And I really hope to stay like these to the end of time. I will hold on to her Always and Forever. I never thought I will have someone like her, someone who always have my back, to catch me if life pushes me down. Same goes for her too. I am always there for her.

Like good people there are also bad people, I call them demons. All of us have demons in life. I literally have so many that sometimes I lost count. The demons have the capacity to break you into thousand of pieces in seconds. You do not know when they are coming for you. One time you are laughing and having a good time and in spilt seconds you are crying and thinking what did you do wrong that you deserve this? Sometimes demons from the past can also return, those you thought you will never meet in your life and they do not come empty hand. They bring all the insecurities, fear that you had with them. And suddenly you started to doubt yourself. After all these years when you were started to get better, whose demon showed up and makes you doubt yourself. All the positive thoughts gone just in the snap of fingers. But this time they did not get too far because you ask for advise and you come out from that dark room that the demon drag you. Thinking you are still weak like earlier but now you are a lot stronger and do not let words get into you. I mean they are just words you can bounce them whenever you want. You have to show them that you are different now, not that old you, it's the new you . I showed my demons who I am now and they do not try to come near me. But when the demons do not succeed to make you feel weak, they target your close once. And when someone very close to you taunt you not directly, indirectly it hurts so much. It feels like you just got hit by a truck. The demons went away after they are satisfied with there job, leaving you sad, desperate to know what you did wrong this time.

No matter how far you go, how much you have changed the demons will chase you down and make you remember the pain. But now I take that pain as a positive thing and use that to push myself to become more strong. It helps me a lot. . I turn the negative energy to positive. It was a lot harder earlier but now its easy. But most of the time I try to bounce the negative throughs or do not let it enter my mind. Demons can come from anywhere and before even you know it they will start hurting you, silently. By the time you found out it will be too late. That's why you have to be careful because you do not want a good friend to turn into a demon for you. These happen to me in my past that's why I know. And I also know how it feels like when a friend turn into a stranger or worst a demon. That feeling is indescribable. And no matter how much you try to forget about it you cannot, it keeps coming back to you. Its hard to let go but you have to or else you will keep getting hurt.

SIBLINGS

" To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time." – Clara Ortega

I bet hearing this word makes you think about your brother or sister. Luckily I have both. Emily and Austin. Anyone who sees us tells us that we are sibling goal. We understand each other so nicely. If anyone of us wants something or want to get out of a boring situation like when your relatives came and start asking you weird questions or any kind of situation you imagine, between us three we don't have to say to one another or whisper, just a signal with eyes and we understand what one of us is saying. Having photoshoot with Emily to who can irritate most with Austin, Em getting angry because Austin and I fight a lot and make a lot of mess. Em like a good big sister she cover for us so that we don't get scolding from Mom and Dad. Em and I have the same nick name. When someone calls us we often get confused which Em they are calling. We have some crazy memories other. We laugh, we cry but most importantly we never let each other down. Three of us have each others back. We were inseparable.

And then my sister got married. After that everything changed. Even though Austin was with me I felt like something was missing inside me. A part of my heart went away.