Chapter 16: Carter

I sat on the couch thumbing through my journal realizing that Ahliyah should read it now. While I was laying in the bed, I cried myself to sleep and realized it was okay for me not to have everything figured out because I had so much more to be proud of. The journal was one of those things, I used to go to a therapist and he would tell me that the only way for me to understand myself was to write everything down.

Every struggle. Every panic attack. He wanted me to write all of it down to open myself up to the scars that was my life. The moments and memories inside of the journal were not perfect, in fact they were dark and depressing but it brought me healing and comfort. I cried myself to sleep last night because all this time I was trying to make my step mother happy, but I couldn't make myself happy.

Now that I found that happiness, I didn't want to let it go.

Ahliyah walked into the kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee. " I don't feel like doing anything today. All I want to do is lay in the bed and binge watch anything that on tv."

" Don't you have to work today." I asked.

" I did, but I honestly need more time for myself. I have to figure out how I'm going to take care of my mom. I'm worried about her and while I'm here I have no clue what's going on with her." She said sadly.

We haven't talked about her mom or her leaving if she decided too. If she did leave I would be okay because she has taught me a lot about myself and showing me the brightest part of myself that I was trying to keep inside of myself. She came to sit by me on the floor and hid the journal for another time.

" Before we went to dinner with your parents, my mom called. She had gotten discharged from the hospital and I wasn't there with her. Instead my dad was there taking care of her instead of me it shouldn't make me upset that someone else was taking care of her, but it does," I listened because that's what she needed. She needed me to listen and be there for her. "Right now, I'm not worried about work. I'm worried about myself." She said.

Ahliyah went to lay back in the bed watching Netflix and I laid with her. " You never told me about your mom? What is she like?" I asked.

" I can't describe her she's one of those people you've have to meet and find out for yourself. She's sick though and I think she sent me here to get my life together, or at least figure out what I wanted to do. I'm always worried about losing her though, but she's the only person I have besides you. " She smiled.

" I'm always going to be here no matter what you do." I kissed her forehead.

She laid on my chest and I gave her the time she needed for herself. I didn't understand what she was going through but I hope when she was comfortable she would tell me. I looked down at her as she watched her shows, running my hands through her to soothe her. I didn't have everything figured out, but I did know I was falling deeply in love with Ahliyah.

Love.

It was only weeks ago when we confessed we liked each other. She was the only thing I knew that would always stay in my life. She was the only person who wouldn't get mad if I shut her out and wanted to be alone and because of that I loved her. I loved her with all my heart and more, but I couldn't tell her yet.

Not yet.

" Why are you so amazing?" She asked.

" Amazing? I don't know, you mean a lot to me.There is nothing I wouldn't do for you." I held her hand smiling because I would do anything for her.

" Thank you."

We laid there talking forgetting all about the shows we were supposed to be watching. She was smiling and laughing and it made me happy. As she held my hand and laid on my chest, I knew I was in love and if this was what love felt like I didn't want leave.

When we finally got out of the bed, I ordered food because Ahliyah wanted to eat in. We sat on the living room floor eating our food. " I thought maybe I could take you out on a proper date." I said.

" You don't have to do that. I mean going out to sit in a beautiful restaurant or on the beach somewhere sounds nice, but why do I need any of that?" She asked.

I was still waiting for that perfect moment. I didn't know what it was because no moment was ever perfect, but I was waiting for it. I wanted to do things right because she deserved it, right.

" Yes, but you don't want any of that." I asked.

" I like the way we did it. We did it right. I don't need the whole world to know that you're my boyfriend, or that I like you. " She shoved some food in her mouth and she was right, but I wasn't doing this for everybody else.

" I won't take you out. We could stay in and do something else, let me do this please." I begged hoping she would allow me to do this.

" Fine, Carter."

We laughed even though I knew she was fighting herself in the inside because she didn't understand. I threw away all of our plates and empty containers of food. I sat back down on the carpet and Ahliyah moved behind me wrapping her arms around my neck.

" What am I going to do with you?" She laughed.

" I don't know. I guess you'll figure it out."

She leaned in and her lips moved slowly against mine. Time stopped and it was only us. Our lips picked up the pace and I didn't want to leave. It felt really good though to be this close to her and never worrying about anything else, except for when we would be able to do this again.

She pulled away and smiled. " You don't have to do any of this because you've already given me enough."

" And, What is that?" I asked.

" You." She said walking into our room.

I knew I survived in that moment and I loved her so much more. All I had to do now was tell her. Tell her those three simple words and everything will be okay. For her, I would do anything. For her, I would never leave her side like my parents left me.