Chapter 40: Carter

We sat by the lake one more time pretending we were the strangers we were before we knew each other. I played back everything I went through as I sat on that bench overlooking the lake. I was consumed with so much pain and I was afraid that someone was going to treat me the same way I was treated. 

This was going to be our last time sitting by the lake and replaying these moments we were not going to forget.

" It feels like yesterday when we sat here talking. Time sure flies by." I said.

" Look at what we did though, we fought past what was hurting us and we're on our way to healing. Time flies by but we didn't wast a minuet of it." She sighed happily.

Ahliyah looked at the sky and she laughed. " It's funny we came from different worlds that seemed similar. But, I think my mother would be proud of us for making it through what we did."

I held her hand and laughed too, her mother would be proud of us for many things.  We've grown and battled what we needed and knew that no matter what we went through things were not going to change.

" We should go back home and pack." She said getting up. She walked to the car and I wanted to stay here for a little while longer. I wanted to pack and I was ready for something else, but packing made it real.  I was leaving the one place I called home from years.

I got up looking at the lake one more time before we went home. Boxes covered our living room floor and we packed everything into the boxes and placed them in the hallway.

" When we get to Texas, I have to take you to this diner that makes the best stuffed french toast."  She smiled.

Ahliyah talked about everything we would do once we got there. She was so happy and I was happy too because I wanted to stay here, but staying here in Florida wasn't going to do any good for me. It was just going to remind of why I should've left.

" Mercedes found us an apartment down the hall for her. She offered me a room at her place if I needed it." She said. She stopped packing and grabbed me hands frowning.

" I know this is hard because we've been here for a while but leaving is what's best for us. We're watching everyone else start over, but when are we going to get our chance."

" You're right. We made memories here and it's just a little hard for me to pack  everything up." I said sadly,

I smiled through the sadness because this was what we needed.  This was what we wanted a chance to break free of our skeletons and trauma, a chance to grow together and be free to rewrite our own story for ourselves without someone else choosing the narrative.

This was our new beginning.

We packed talking about where we would go and where the best places and we promised each other we would find another place like our lake.  Our safe haven to run away or take a breath of fresh air for a moment and forget about life.

When we finished packing the boxes, we loaded the car and drove to Lorenzo's parents house to spend the night. We walked in and Leticia ran up to me giving me a big hug and laughed.

" Lorenzo's room is cleaned out for you. Promise me, when you leave you'll call and come to visit." She said

" I promise." I smiled at her and Ahliyah.

We went into the room and laid down in the bed. I let my mind wonder of all the good things we were going to see and do. For a moment, I thought about my dad because this was goodbye even though I couldn't say it out loud.

I thought about my step mom wondering if she felt ashamed for what she did, or if she felt a little bit of sadness knowing I wasn't going to be coming back.

As quickly as I allowed my mind to wonder, I was snatched back to reality when Ahliyah called my name.

" What did you say? Sorry, I zoned out for a minuet." I apologized.

" I wish I could tell my dad goodbye. I know when we talked the last he was supposed to be changing things and I know nothings changed. Do you feel bad about leaving without saying goodbye?"

" I don't want to feel bad. I mean I'm with the second family that took care of me or at least cared enough to give me a place to stay when I needed it."

Ahliyah showered and I sat in the living room with Leticia. She was watching her favorite cartoons and eating a bag of chips. She laid in my lap and I draped a blanket around her and we watched cartoons together.

" Carter, are you leaving because you think you don't have anyone else?" She asked.

" No, I'm leaving because there's something better for me. I can't get it here anymore." I told her.

" What are you searching for that isn't here?"

Hope.

Dreams.

My life.

Everything. Something to bring back joy in my life without consequences.  I didn't want to look back and regret anything.  I've come to terms I was hurt and I still have fears that scare me some nights, but staying here to let those fears consume me and eat me live isn't what I wanted.

" I'm searching for a lot of things but I haven't gotten it yet. I'm not leaving you forever just for a little bit."

Leticia nodded her head and fell asleep. There was an ache in my chest for leaving this part of my life. This was the family that gave me everything I wanted. That helped me when I had bruises on my head and face.

I kissed Leticia on her forehead promising I was coming back. I would come back and help her when the world decided it was going to beat her up.

I slowly moved for underneath Leticia and laid her head down on the couch and turned the tv off. I grabbed some food from the kitchen and leaned against the counter. Mrs. Martinez walked and smiled.

" Where are you going?" She asked.

" I'm going to Texas  I figured I needed a change in scenery." I smiled.

She scoffed and grabbed her a beer from the fridge. " I know better than that. Remember I raised you when you were a young boy. I know your running from something and trying to figure out life.  I know everything about you and Lorenzo." She said.

I laughed she was always good at catching me when I was lying. " I don't know what I want Mrs. Martinez. I know whatever it is, it isn't here."

She took a few sips from her beer and sighed. "  Your never going to figure out life. I know wherever your going it's for the best for you, right?  You'll always have a home here and I hope next time you come back, you stay." She smiled.

She walked away slowly with her beer and I called out to her. " If you knew what was going on, how come you didn't say anything?" I asked her.

" I knew if I would've said anything that I would've handled things on my own." She winked and went upstairs.

I smiled because this would always be my home no matter what, this was my forever home no matter where I went.