THE LETTER

Our school life is almost nearing to it's end yet i haven't confessed.

This is the only chance I have and I should never mess with it.

" Hey lin! If you can't propose to her directly, then atleast convey your feelings by any physical language" said alok.

" I didn't understand" I said.

" Even I didn't" Arman said.

" Just go and kiss her, it's more than enough for a proposal" said alok.

Dont misguide him with worser ideas" Arman said.

" Yeah, I'm not that kind of guy too" I said.

" Think about it for yourself, i approached my girl like that and our love is successful now" alok said.

Yes! This alok fellow also have one girlfriend, she's like my sister, i respect her a lot which is why I never hit this guy no matter what worst thing he says and does.

" That's a ridiculous idea, it might work for you, but it's not going to work in his case" said Arman.

" I was suggesting him, it's a boyish thing afterall, most of the boys nowadays are proposing by this method" said alok.

" No! I don't do such stupid things" I said.

" So, won't you kiss her if she become your wife?" asked alok.

" I will" I said with some hesitation.

" Won't you ever kiss her after you both started loving each other? " alok asked.

" Well!... I will" I said.

" Then what's your problem? " alok asked.

" Just leave me, don't suggest me these kind of vulgar ideas" I said.

" Bro! Say something that suit our age, we're not even adults" said Arman.

Then they stopped talking about that matter.

But I was thinking about that, almost whole day.

Alok understands what I was thinking and laughed at me.

Again, half of my brain is instructing me not to do, but the other damn half is opposing.

I have clearly understood that only half of my brain is under my perfect control and the other just messes up.

" Hey don't waste your brain on thinking about those worst ideas, just propose her directly or confess your feelings through a letter" Arman said

I wanted to write a letter, it feels like a good idea.

To be honest, I don't like writing letters, because most of the people don't write letters based on their own feelings, they just copy from somewhere else and someone else, they are not their own true feelings.

But I'll write a letter only based on my own true feelings.

I should thank Arman for giving me some kind of fine idea.

But, I've thought of writing it later, as my birthday is tomorrow ( January 28 ).

My friends told me to propose her on tomorrow's occasion( my birthday).

But I don't want to propose her on occasional day, I just want to make my proposal day as an occasion to me and her.

I invited alok, Arman, sanay, Divya( alok's girl friend) and few of my other friends too( including sashank).

Everyone gifted me some fine things and even aira has gifted me a thing.

She always uses to give me a chocolate on my birthday, but this time she gave me a present that's worth remembering for life long.

I can even store this present in my special trolley which i store all my precious things in it.

To be honest, I've eaten the chocolates she've given to me on my previous birthdays and stored all those chocolate covers in my precious storer trolley.

Because they are all precious to me as they were handed over by her.

And the present she gifted to me this year is a ' Watch'.

Watches are one of my most favourite things, and she given me that on my birthday.

I'm glad she gifted me my favourite thing.

" I hope this suits you well" aira said.

" Yeah! Thanks for the gift" i said.

Later, Divya called me to say something.

I along with Arman and alok went to her.

" What's the matter?, Divya" I asked.

" Lin, i know you don't want to propose her today, but if you continue to drag on more, you'll be left with nothing at last, just propose her by now" Divya said.

" That's what I was saying too" alok said.

" But I can't, the fear in me is not letting me to confess, it's like i am bit scared" i said.

" Lin! You have lot of courage in you, but you are not letting it out, in every other matter, you are letting your courage to come out, but not in this matter, it's like you don't even want to or like to propose her, your fear is your main weakness" divya said.

They all left to enjoy party after saying that.

But her words are still running in my mind,.... do i really don't want to propose her at all, no i actually want to,..but I don't know what's wrong with me.

The fault doesn't lie in any circumstances or any people, the fault lies in me, it lies in me alone, but still I don't know what to do.

I so badly want to overcome my fear and propose her, but I actually can't.

Very successfully, I have failed in proposing her even today.

The party ended and everyone left to their houses.

I've started writing a letter based on my true feelings on aira.

.....THE LETTER.....

[ DATE, DAY AND ALL THOSE THINGS]

.

.

DEAR AIRA,

What I'm going to say might hurt you a lot, I've been hiding one secret from 3½ years, this secret might hurt you, because truth hurts more than the lie, but you should know it atleast now,..... I've been loving you from 3½ years, this might be the biggest truth I've never shared with you, I've hidden this not to cheat you or something like that, I was just afraid that you might get hurt if I say I love you, through all these years I've been faking friendship with you, it took me nearly 2 years after your arrival in school to fall in love with you, i don't even know why I love you and I don't even know how much I love you, somehow my feelings on you came into existence, but I can say I do love you a lot, i truly love you, this is not attraction, I've felt attraction when I was a small kid, but this feeling on you is very different, it's definitely not attraction, and i strongly believe that I truly love you. The reason why I am loving you is because of feelings, not by seeing your character or beauty, the feelings somehow came into existence, my lack of courage stops me from confessing you my feelings, I know you've been through a lot a of pain because of me, I've hurted and blamed you many times for the mistakes you've never done.

Almost every fight we had was about ' whether you love someone or not, please be honest with me' it's not that I don't have enough trust in you, I've just thought that your feelings might vary with time, but I was always wrong. I was just afraid of losing you which is why I was always jealous when you talk to someone else over me. I want to heal all the pain I've given to you by taking care of you for the rest of my life and by loving you, I'm not forcing you to love me, I'm just confessing my feelings to you and conveying you that even if you don't love me back or even if you love someone else, I'll still only love you and I'll still always love you, I'll give you the same answer even if you ask me this question after quite a lot years, my feelings on you can never be erased by time or anything else, it's not about whether you love me or not, it's about whether my love is strong enough or not, I feel my feelings and my love are strong enough to love you for the rest of my life even if you don't. I not only want to share love with you, I also want to share my life and pain with you, let's share our pain together too, I'll always be by your side and will always protect you even if it means hurting myself, I will be with you in every inch of our lives and in every circumstances.

' I know these dialogues might not suit my age, I'm not an adult but I dont care about it', if we were in relationship before or if I confess you before, these fights might not come into existence, I know I don't deserve you, but I'll try my level best to be your better soulmate with all my life and love, I'll never let you regret if you accept me, I'll give all my success and happiness to you and will carry away all your pain with me, I just want to be with you forever, whether it's safe or not, let's be together in every path we choose,and I will always be with you by spending rest of my life by loving you, I don't know how to express my love on you on this little piece of paper, but I'll try to insert atleast some of my love into this letter, this is just a bit of my love, only you can experience it full if you accept my proposal, you being in my life is a god's gift to me, but I've never treated you so well, do I have a chance to be your boyfriend? Even if there is a 0.01% of chance, I'll never leave it.

Honestly, love isn't that complicated, but having it forever is way more complicated, I want to have that complication forever not only until I give off my last breath, it's until my soul completely leaves the existence, Can I be your boyfriend? No matter whether you answer is yes or no, my love will always be same unchanged. My feelings on you not only taught me love, it also taught me the way of life and responsibilities i should have in future, my love on you constantly keeps increasing day by day, now I'm at zenith of my love, until I fell for you, my mindset was like, even if I don't earn any good job and any good knowledge, I can still live my life happily by watching animes, dramas, etc... but now it's very different, I want to succeed in my career only to be with you forever and never be alone ever, I want to earn a good job to protect you and take care of you and even our kids in future,.. I've thought way too deep, but I wanna marry you in future, you're the first and forever love I ever had and I ever will, you're my responsibility to protect no matter what happens, everything about you is my responsibility to take care of, I'm already feeling the warmthness of love, but I want to feel it along with you by not only holding your hands, but also by holding your pain and life with me, I know i haven't confessed my love that better, but I'll never waste a chance if there is a possibility for you to fall for me, no one else can replace your position in my heart, I'll respect your decision no matter whether it is yes or no, but my love on you will never get decreased even a small inch,....I love to be your protector, I love to be with you and..... I love you, I don't know whether the remaining letter carry as much magic as these 3 letters do, but I just wanna say I LOVE YOU ALWAYS...

[ THE ENDING DETAILS OF LETTER]. 

 DONE SOME WEIRDO KIND SIGNATURE.

 ... THE LETTER ENDED.....

I've completed writing my feelings on her, but I still feel it's cringy and way too much for someone as young as me.

TO BE CONTINUED...