Chapter 4: The scenery

I looked at the full moon as I gently move my feet to move the swing I'm sitting on. It's already 3:39 in the morning but I still don't feel the need to sleep.

Earlier, after that incident, Carlo slept beside me which is a good thing, because I wouldn't stop crying. All the bad memories that I wanted to run from came back chasing me. I really needed someone by my side that time. I don't even know why I urged, uh no, I command Joshua to leave me when deep inside I knew that I want him to stay. I smiled when I remembered Carlo's face when I told him that I want to go outside and breathe. He was about to say no but he just sighed and agreed. I know he's worried about me but I really needed some time alone. He even accompanied me here for a couple of minutes when he was called by his manager.

My smile faded when I heard someone walking towards me. I was not facing his direction but it is enough that I remember the sound of his footsteps that made it easy for me to find out who he is. I didn't made an effort to look at him and just continued admiring the moon above me.

"If someone would look at you from afar, they'd freak out in thought that they saw a ghost." He said.

I just rolled my eyes. I got up from the swing and chose to sit on the ground instead. I fixed my guitar that I brought with me so that I wouldn't be bored and put it beside me. When I'm all set, I looked up and continued to be amazed by the night sky. My hand unconsciously played with the grass while I look up.

"Can I?" Joshua said and reached out to grab my guitar, not really minding the fact that I didn't even let him. He sat on the ground facing me, before putting the guitar on his leg to start and play.

"Why are you so quiet? Are you star struck by my handsome face?" Joshua smirked. I rolled my eyes and he smiled wider. He started fixing the guitar and plucked a few strings. I swear, if one of those strings are--

I stopped backstabbing him inside my head when I heard him play. He's actually good. I was slightly impressed when he started to play it, because I thought that he doesn't know how to play it. He was playing a slow melody, making me close my eyes.

Music never fails to relax me.

"Close your eyes, give me your hand darling.

Do you feel my heart beating?

Do you understand?"

His voice makes me want to sleep, right here, right now. Maybe I should ask him if he wants to be a singer, I'll tell Carlo about it. That kind of talent shouldn't be wasted, That voice deserves to be heard.

"Do you feel the same?

Am I only dreaming or is this burning an eternal flame?"

He finished the song, but I don't want to open my eyes yet. Well, I felt sleepy because of his voice. But then I felt a warm breeze on my eye lids, I quickly opened it, then voilà. A pair of blue eyes was staring deeply.

I wanted to move back, I want to push him, scream at him for going too close. But I can't. I was drowning from those beautiful blue eyes. His eyes remind me of an ocean. That maybe one of the reason's why I feel calm whenever he's looking at me.

I was taken aback when he held my hand. He stood up, still holding my hand then pulled me up so I could stand.

"Come on, I wanna show you something." I was not given a chance to say anything because he started pulling me so we could go out. I've never been outside the hospital. Carlo never allowed me to go anywhere that's not within the hospital's premises. We slowly walked pass the guards and Joshua pulled me again and ran, making me run with him obviously. Remind me how I allowed Joshua to hold my hand?

"W-wait. Can we please stop?" I can't even breathe properly, I'm so tired. I held on my knees while the other hand is on my chest. Damn, I'm tired as fuck. .

"Sorry.I just tire easily." I said. When I somehow felt okay, I stood up properly and was about to walk again when he suddenly went in front on me. He sat in front of me, while I was facing his back. I got his message so I went around him and ignored him.

"Uh, no." I said quickly. This is awkward.

"Come on! we might miss it!" I thought about it hard and shook my head. No. I am not having a piggy back ride on 4:00 in the morning. That's just, eww.

Then here I am, hugging this guy's neck just to make sure I wont fall. His hands were on my legs to support me.

"Joshua! Slow down!"

"It hurts! Don't scream!"

I held him tighter when he started running faster, I screamed and closed my eyes, thinking we might fall while he started laughing like crazy.

Good thing that piggy back ride was done, because anytime I felt like I'm going to vomit.

"Here we are."

I looked around. I can barely see a thing. It's so dark. Where are we? All I can hear are leaves swiftly swaying with the wind.

"Is this a forest?" I asked while looking around. The moon looks so lovely here. He asked me to sit down so I did. "Are there animals here?"

"A few deer." My eyes widened when I heard that from him. I love deer! "Where?" But instead of answering, he just stared at me. "You really look pretty when you smile."

There was a long silence. I looked away then I felt awkward. My heartbeat is going wild, like it want' to go out of my chest. I know this feeling.

"Aiyah, come on. I won't leave you. I promise."

I closed my eyes tightly because of the sudden headache.

"Shit."

"Hey, you okay?" He sounded worried. So worried. He even held my shoulder to see my face.

"I'm fine. Just a sudden memory." I guess that was enough to calm him down, because he removed his hand from my shoulder and looked straight.

I wondered what he was looking at so I looked in front.

"Wow." It's already 5:42. The sun was rising already. I was not able to look at my watch because of that stupid piggy back ride to hell so I didn't realize that it was already sunrise.

It was a perfect shade of orange. The light from it reflected on my eyes, revealing it's dark brown color. The trees beside us swayed gently because of the wind.

"It's beautiful." I said. I never knew that the sun would look so beautiful, because I always loved the moon more. For me, the sun means that another day will come, another conflict, another pain. But the moon.. the moon was my bestfriend. It gives out a strange vibe that makes me close my eyes but not sleep. The moon gives me peace, quiet, and time to think about what the hell happened. Maybe that explains why I'm not a morning person.

"Yeah. It is." I stopped my thoughts when he replied to what I said. I thought he was also admiring the sun, but instead, he was looking at me. Our eyes met for a second before his pupils turned wide and his face turned red because of the realization of what he just said I smiled at his reaction. I also felt my face heat up when his words echoed on my ears but I tried to stop it.

I looked back in front to take my time absorbing what is surrounding me. I saw some cute flowers beside me. They were so small that you wouldn't notice it if you were not looking in the first place. I touched it's petal gently while I kept admiring the place. I stood up when I noticed something weird. The ground on the far side looked like it vanished. I stood up and took a few steps and looked at Joshua with wide eyes.

"Wait. IS THIS A CLIFF?!" Well of course it's a cliff dumbass. I wanted to tell my self but I stopped. Joshua was not looking at me so I took the time to slap my face a little. This is a cliff. Why are we in a cliff?!

"Shh!" He was looking at something when he shushed me. When I recovered from my stupid-ness, I looked at where he was pointing and hell, I swear I stopped breathing.

Oh. My. God.

There's a baby deer!!

I always loved deer, Carlo brought me to a deer farm once before another experimentation starts for me to calm down and I loved it. Although I was a little scared of the big ones because I thought they would swarm me and kill me with their big antlers but I still love them! I slowly made my way to her while she was busy eating some grass. I tried to stay quiet a possible but I stepped on a freaking twig that made a cracking sound that alarmed the deer. She looked at us and then ran away. Joshua was laughing like an idiot while I was pouting over the deer. I was so close!

"Y-you scared her!" He said and continued laughing his ass off. I gave him a glare and he quickly shut his mouth and acted like nothing happened.

I just slumped my but to the ground beside Joshua and rained all my feelings to my food. Joshua and I stopped at a near by convenience store before going here. We fought over what we would buy. I wanted biscuits and he wanted some chips. He was acting a kid and he's embarrassing me so I said, "I'll pay for this and you pay for that. End of discussion." But in the end, he paid for it all with his credit card before I even took out my wallet.

I was still pouting while eating my cookies when Joshua sat facing me with a silly smile on his face. "Let's play. I have 10 questions for you and you have 10 questions for me. You have to answer with honesty. If you don't well, you're no fun." He said.

I thought about it for a second. He just wants to know something from me, it's obvious. But I also want to ask something tht I have in mind so why not? We don't have anything else to do anyways. "Sure, you go first."

"What's your full name?" one.

"That's too easy! Aiyah Klaire De Guzman."

"Can I call you Klaire?" two.

"Nobody calls me Klaire, so No."

"What why?" three. He flashed a defeated face all over. What's with him calling me Klaire anyway?

"Uh.." I hesitated, don't know if I should tell him.

"Hey you got ta answer." He said, making me sigh.

"Because I hate being called by that name and it brings back so many bad memories." I said fast, not even caring if he got it or not. The reason why I don't want anybody calling me Klaire - except Carlo, he calls me Klaire when he is mad - is because if someone does, images will start flashing inside my head, and not all of those are nice.

I opened my eyes when I felt him held my hand. He held it tight, like he doesn't want to let me go.

dug.

Dug. dug.

dug. dug. Dug.

I snatched my hand away from him when I felt something. He looked like he was shocked with what I did and he's not the only one. I am too, not that I want him to hold my hand or anything, it's just, there's something there that I couldn't explain. I got up and fixed my self. "Let's go. It's already 8 in the morning. We'll both get in trouble if they noticed were gone." I started walking. I might not be able to see anything earlier due to the dark but I remembered every turn we made and every mark his feet left so it was easy for me to walk without looking stupid, not knowing where to go.

He held my shoulder when he caught up, making me stop and look at him.

"Hey, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I just smiled even though I don't know why he's being sorry. Is it about him holding my hand? He's so hard to read. I continued walking and he was following me from behind. We took the back door because there's light now and the guards can easily spot us if we go to the front gate. It was 6:30 when we got inside the elevator. We acted normal when there were nurses or doctors that came with us. When it was his stop, he looked at me after going out. Smiled, then waved his hand a little, gesturing goodbye. And I swear I felt my face heat up. My heartbeat was racing again and I want to punch my chest to make it stop but I would look crazy. Why am I even overthinking? I think I know the answer. And I hate my self for that.

I don't know, it's just. Argh.

I know that feeling and it scares me big time.