Lost

"Where have you been?"

Carlo asked the moment I walked inside my room. I left my curtains down and my lights off before we went down to the playground so I didn't notice him standing behind my door. I jumped when he asked me that and I quickly held my chest because of the sudden scare. I want to scold at him but his aura made me stop and just act innocent. His outfit was all black, also one of the reasons why I was not able to see him.

"Playground. I was there the whole night." I said as I sat on my bed. I didn't bother looking at him because I am not in the mood to look at a devil. "You weren't there, Aiyah. I went back this morning. Where did you hide, huh? Up a tree? Under the ground? What are you an ant now?" Carlo said. He was trying to contain his anger because he knew that I hated it when someone shouts at me. So even if he's burning mad, he would do everything just to stay calm.. Well, sometimes it was a different scenario.

"I was there! I promise?" I said and continued to act innocently. I looked at him and I saw how irritated he is. Looks like he found out I was lying. Carlo had this special skill that makes him look weird. He's so observant that he can tell every change of emotion in just a glance. That's why I don't want to look at him in the eye especially when I'm lying. He always freaks out whenever I lie about something that makes me scare him just a tiny bit. But this time, I need to push that scared Aiyah to the side and face Carlo, because if I don't, Joshua and I will both be in danger.

"I checked every nook and cranny, Aiyah! Where did you go?" He raised his voice but I can tell that he's really trying hard not to continue doing it. He can be a devil if he's mad, he even throws things out when he feels that it's the only thing to release his anger. I bowed my head down, feeling guilty but I'm still not going to tell.

I looked at him and he calmed down a bit when he saw that I was scared but his authority never left. He took a deep breath and said these words in a deep voice. "Aiyah Klaire, You're going to tell me where you went. You don't want me to show you the Carlo that freaks out right?"

"I went outside, Carlo." I said ass I bowed my head down again but I looked back up again at him when I realized what I just said. Carlo should not be called Carlo when he's mad and I'm the reason for it. It will only trigger his anger more. Corny and immature but it's true. His eyes darkened with what I said and that's when I knew I'm dead.

"You never respect me anymore! Not even as your Kuya! You went out to who knows where without telling a single soul and not even appreciate the worry of your Kuya? Do you want me to pluck those teeth of yours?" He said. We were both born and raised here in the Philippines even if we have American culture hanging around

us but Carlo still wants me to call him Kuya, especially if he's mad. It's some sort of thing that makes our bond weirder.

He kicked the table that made all the things on top of it fall down and break. I covered my ears as he did.

I looked back at him and saw him looking at my beloved guitar with a dark look. He's out of his mind, shit. It was my guitar, not his so it has a very big sentimental value in my heart. I ran my way towards it to hug it and hide it from him but he catch a hold onto it's neck and pulled it with force making me leave it in his hands.

"Are you going to tell me or will you wait till Mayo's neck is broken?"

I looked at him in defeat, I'm sorry, Joshua. It was also your fault so I wouldn't mind Carlo scolding you for a while, my baby's life is at stake.

"Fine!" I said as I slumped back on my seat while giving dagger glares to Carlo.

"I went out with the guy who also stays here! Joshua's the name!"

"You went out with a guy?!" I saw how his grip on Mayo's neck tightened. I felt my face flush a very bright shade of red. Not because I'm blushing or anything. It's because I'm pissed.

Hell, I'm way beyond pissed.

"We just hang out on the cliff near by!" I screamed at him. I'm fuming mad at him and I hate it because it just makes my headaches worse.

"You went on a cliff with a guy?!" He screamed back.

"Yes!"

I felt my face lost it's color when I saw how Carlo lift his left knee and how his left hand held Mayo's body and cut it in half. No, he didn't. He was out of words when his senses came back. His eyes flashed the very familiar guilty look whenever he's done something bad. My eyes where left staring at the the most important belonging of my life that's now in half.

"K-klaire.." He said as he tried to walk towards me. I took a step backwards when I felt hot liquids fill the corner of my eyes, making my sight slightly blurry.

"Get out Carlo." I said. He took another step towards me and tried to get a hold of my shoulders when I look at him with my eyes full of anger, longing and sadness.

"I said get out!" He looked at me with his apologetic face and walked towards the door with his shoulders down. Knowing him, he only does that whenever he's done something he really felt guilty about. But that's the least of my concerns. My tears kept falling down when I got down on my knees and touched my guitar.

Damn, this was my first guitar. This precious thing costs $2.7 million, making it the most expensive guitar in the whole world. And like my happiness, it popped like a bubble.

I closed my eyes shut as I massaged the bridge of my nose as I reminisce about my guitar.

Mayo was a gift from my Dad. It was Christmas when a huge package arrived home. It was a silver colored box that stands right at my waist height. It has a bright red ribbon on it and a three travel stickers that were probably from the post offices that this thing passed by. Beside the ribbon, it has a huge label that says, 'Fragile'. The 9 year old Carlo started running around my gift so excitedly, like it was his gift, not mine. "Open it, Eya!" Carlo said while shaking my shoulders from the back. I glared at him to make him stop which he gladly did because I'm still not that used to my headaches making me so sensitive. I took a step forward and looked at it carefully. I untied the ribbon and a small folded piece of paper fall down with it. I looked at it with confusion and slowly picked it up. It was a small note that was written on a torn out piece of paper that was probably from a notebook.

"Happy Christmas dear,

Can't wait to hear your voice.

-Love, Dad."

I felt tears when I read the message but excitement filled my system making me rip the package open and when it was already open, I heard a loud gasp from Carlo.

"Eya! Do you know what that is? That's the "Reach Out To Asia" Fender Stratocaster! Who would give you such expensive thing?" He said as he carefully scanned my guitar. I smiled at him and said in a low voice, "Dad."

Carlo looked at me and ran to me to give me a hug. On a young age, he understood my situation with Dad well. He knew about my story even though he's still catching up. He was two years old when Dad left, so we both feel abandoned in some way. Although he still saw his pictures because of his mother, he still hasn't seen him in person, like me.

I took care of that guitar so well that I even went to a point where I named it. I named it because of it's color which is white. And since I'm a kid, I thought that name would be so cool. The thing that made Mayo so expensive is because it was signed by Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Eric Clapton, Brian May, Jimmy Page, David Gilmore, and fifteen more world famous singers.

I opened my eyes and wiped my tears away. I'm so stressed out! What am I going to do now? This was the last thing that he ever sent me! I massaged the bridge of my nose once again and took a deep breath. This is also my fault. If I only told Carlo where I'm going this shouldn't happen. But a thought also crossed my mind and I figured that Carlo wouldn't let me out if I tell him I would go on a cliff with some guy I just met a few days ago. Argh! It doesn't matter. It all happened in a blur anyways.

"Damn, is that a Fender Stratocaster?" Joshua's voice echoed inside my room. "In half." I said in a sarcastic tone. I'm still not in my mood to talk to anyone because I'm not sure if I'm all okay now. I might lash on anybody who will also irritate me more.

"What happened?" He asked. I stayed silent, like I said, I still need to calm down. "Hey, I still have 8 questions left. You need to answer, Klaire." He said. I'm not looking at him when he said that but I'm sure he has that stupid smirk on his face again. And when I looked at him, I just confirmed my theory.

"You only have seven, and how many times do I need to remind you not to call me Klaire?" I said, getting irritated every second that keeps on passing.

"Can I call you 'mine' then?"

What the? "Don't flirt with me Joshua, I'm not in the mood." I hissed at him. Even though that stupid remark did make my butterflies start for their take off, I still managed to make my self look more pissed.

He just shrugged, then put that annoying smirk again. "So what happened?"

"Five." I said while I closed my eyes for a second.

"What?"

"You only have five more questions." I reminded him. That instructions to the game we played earlier come to mind.

"And I still have ten." I said while looking at him blankly. I got up and looked around for a broom or something but there were none so I just decided to leave it the way it is on the ground.

"Shall we continue the game then?" He asked. I don't want to play because I'm still not feeling well but knowing Joshua, he would just keep on annoying me to death until I say yes. So I just shrugged and considered it. I guess that playing this stupid game would help me get my mind off of Mayo even if it is only for a few moments.

"K"

"Tell me what happened." I looked down, not really knowing if I should tell him or not because I'm not sure how he'll react.

"My brother and I had a little argument when he found out I went out with out him knowing and me not even asking for his permission. He also exploded when I told him I was with someone. I guess, his mind when went black when he saw my guitar. You can guess what happened." I said. Carlo is the overprotective type of a brother and I always hated that part of him. I admired that part of his attitude when we were younger, because he used to protect me when someone tries to bully me. He was my night in shining armor back then. But now, I don't think I can adjust with his attitude. I'm not a princess that needs a prince to protect me. I'm old enough, I know what I'm doing but I think that he still hasn't got that part yet.

"Well that's one way to waste money. Millions of money, let me just say." He said and chuckled a little. I faced him wide eyed, not really sure if I heard it right. He was smirking while looking at me while I have my brows furrowed. What the hell? Nothing? Not even a sorry? I mean it was my fault because I came with him without any hesitations but wouldn't he blame him self? I was expecting an apology but I heard- You know what? Never mind. I looked down again and shook my head. He is Joshua Alville. He wouldn't be himself if he's not so full of himself.

I rolled my eyes at the thought. I stood up and looked around for a broom but I was not able to find one. Maybe I'll just ask for the janitor to come and help me clean this mess. In the mean time, maybe I'll just go out and look for a place where Joshua and I can continue our game. sides, it's not okay for a guy and a girl who is not related in anyway to stay inside a room alone. It's a little awkward. I blushed but I quickly went to my desk and opened my drawer. I grabbed a pen and a sticky note and wrote my note. So that if ever Carlo decides to say sorry and meets me inside my room to only find me missing, again, he will find out where I am and probably won't try to brake any valuable things inside my room.

"You'll be dead if Carlo sees you inside my room. We should go somewhere else. The canteen, maybe. I'll also grab a bite. I'm starving." I said and Joshua agreed. He fixed his hair for a bit while I got my phone and grabbed my wallet. I was supposed to get my book but I figured it would be no use. Joshua has a big mouth I'm sure he will be talking so loud that I wouldn't be able to focus. I turned around only to see him looking at me while he raised a brow. What's with the get up? I walk towards him and he was nice enough to hold the door for me. We just waited for an elevator and got in when one arrived. There were two female nurses just my age or maybe younger inside. They both blushed when they saw Joshua get in. The latter didn't mind but I was getting irritated when they started whispering and giggling like a teenager. And I don't even know if they call that whispering because I can here them loud and clear which only made my mood worse.

I was the first one to got out of the elevator with a very irritated face that maybe looked like I was going to bite somebody's neck off when they talked. I don't know why I'm being like this okay? Argh! Those girls are giving me headaches. I chose to sit on the table nearest to the canteen doors so that anyone who's looking for me can see me right away. Joshua didn't sat with me that made me confused. What? Did he already made out with the nurses? I thought wrong because I saw him buying something in the snack bar. He went back and searched for me a bit but since there were only a few people eating, he quickly found me and walked his way towards me. He's holding two ice creams while he casually walked towards me. We're in a hospital but you might think that we're in some run way because of how he walked. All we needed is a red carpet and it's all done.

He handed me one but I just looked at it. Thinking if I would get it from his hands.

I looked at the thing he's holding intensely. He got tired and looked at me with confusion while he let out a sigh and sat in front of me. His hand is still holding the ice cream that was meant for me but I still looked at it, figuring why I am so damn scared of that ice cold thing. "Eat it, it'll melt." He said as he bite off the wrapping paper around the ice cream cone. I sighed and got the ice cream from him but I just stared at it. Sudden memories came dashing in my mind, making me close my eyes and have a deep breath.

He must have sensed how uneasy I am because now he has a weird questioning face that clearly says, 'what the hell are you doing and not eating the ice cream?' He tilted his head a bit and squinted his eyes a bit like he's trying to read my mind. "You seem scared." He said, starting the conversation. "Why?"

"I actually don't know why I'm scared of this thing. The last time you gave me this thing, I had a memory that I've never seen before. Which is the weird thing, because I randomly get any new memories. Maybe that was the time I was still in medications so it was new. But I'm sure that I heard a voice."

"What? What did it say? Was it a girl's voice? Maybe it's a ghost! Is she asking for help because she was killed brutally and she wants mercy but se didn't knew who killed her that's why she's haunting you? Oh my god, you better watch out because she's a white lady that'll kill you and hunt down your-" I punched his shoulder making him stop talking. Geesh! What is with him? I got back to my seat as I glared at him but he just pouted and mumbled things like "What? I was just stating some possibilities." I closed my eyes and shook my head. If I were being honest, yes, I also thought of that possibility but I think it's not a ghost. There's something in it that I just can't put my hand in.

"Here, zy-zy. That's ice cream. It'll help you lift your mood up." I said as I tried so hard to remember how I got that voice in my head. This is a new thing for me, because memories would always come chasing me, not the other way around. I looked at him and was surprised to see him. Gone was the goofy and immature Joshua that I was just taking to earlier. Now all I'm facing is a Joshua that is dead serious. His eyes were dark, like what I said had an impact on him. A huge impact.

His eyes were quickly brought to normal when he saw me looking at him. Confusion also covered his face just the same as mine. "I told you that right?"

I looked at him deeply while looking for any traces left of that dark emotions earlier but I found nothing. If I had not seen his reaction earlier, I would have seen him as the same Joshua I know but his expression earlier says otherwise. I shook my head as I try to dismiss the thought that came in mind. Instead, I opened the ice cream he gave and just decided to eat it while trying to focus on the matter. I swallowed it and looked at him. "Yeah. I was about to think that that was you but the voice is so girly like so I crossed you out. She also said 'Zy-zy' which is the weird thing. I see no Z's in my name."

He was also in deep thoughts while I tried to consume my ice cream. He already finished his, so he was just waiting for me to finish mine. "Okay, it's my turn to ask."

His attention quickly went to me. He looked surprised in some way. "Wait you? The last time I remembered, I still have five. You said it yourself. How come it's your turn?" He said. I smirked at him. Looks like he's not paying attention to our counting. Well, he really is not like the type to keep on remembering small things or maybe it was just me. "Yu already used all of it. You even reached negative four."

He pouted at what I said. While I sweetly smiled at him. I really can't help but smile whenever he's acting like a six year old child. He doesn't look like those other boys that is trying hard to look cute in front of someone. Other guys would just look stupid when they're doing that. But him, he looks so effortless trying to do it. He's looking cute whenever he does that. I rolled my eyes at him and at the thought. Did I just say he looks cute? The back of my head says yes the reason I groaned inwardly. My words keep getting colorful around him.

I thought of my first question for a second and looked at him while I stated it. "I don't believe you have cancer. Tell me, what is it?"

He looked at me seriously and then smiled shyly. I know that look. He's not comfortable in talking about it. I was about to renew my question because I didn't want to offend him in any way but he started talking so I shut my mouth. "Let's call it COPD. If you want the longer name, Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. It's just like a normal asthma but, uh.. Deadly?" He laughed at the last word he said. Maybe shrugging off the awkwardness.

"Is it critical?" I asked, hiding the worry in my voice. I didn't want to look like I was concerned about him because I know how low a person's self-esteem can get if they pity him.

"I'll be able to live for about, a year and a half." He said. I admire him for his bravery. Most people in this hospital is either in a critical condition that wants to survive or those who just wants to give up trying. He.. I can see that he's trying.

"Parents?" I asked again. "Adopted,"

"How did you got those eyes?" I asked. It almost sounded like a very stupid question to me but I was really curious how he got his eye color. He chuckled at my question but he still answered. "I get that question a lot. Honestly, I actually don't know which one of my parents have blue eyes."

"When were you diagnosed?"

"Six? Seven?"

"What? But I thought you only have a year and a half? You look like you're already in your thirties or something."

He quickly looked at me when I said that. "What? I'm only 28!" He said. Now it was my turn to chuckle. He looked so offended when I said the word 'thirties'. He glared at me so I raised both of my hands to indicate that I accept defeat. He smiled when I did that. He shook his head and answered, "The virus spreads slowly."

"Is there a cure?" I asked, hopeful. It must be cool if there is. He lived half of his life suffering in that disease, it would be such a blessing if he gets to start a new life without it.

He looked at me with a sad smile in his face. "Sadly, no. But I get constant treatments."

Oh. We have the same condition. I said at the back of my head.

After that, I didn't bother asking a question again. We just talked about nonsense stuff abut life. I even teased him of being gay when he asked a lot of things about Carlo.

"Stop asking, I'm starting to think that you like him." I said, smirking. He has this very annoyed face that made me laugh harder. I just find it odd how fast the tables turned. He was the one supposed to be laughing and I was the one that was supposed to be annoyed.

I just stopped laughing at him when my phone beeped.

Mom:

I'm in your room, where are you?

"Uh-oh." I said as I brush my hair and quickly got up. "I- I got to go." I said and dashed to the elevator. Joshua was startled when he saw me run but he didn't bother ask why. I might thank him for that. Following me will just increase the tension I'm feeling. And, He would not want to meet the old lady.

"Where were you?" A woman with blonde hair asked me. She was in her early forties, but she still looks beautiful. Psh, I would acknowledge that if her attitude is also beautiful. My eyes went down in her hands when I saw her holding the sticky note I left for Carlo.

"Have you read that thing? If you did, why would you ask?" I walked towards my room and opened the curtains to reveal my beautiful guitar. I closed everything earlier as a habit so it was really dark inside. I walked past it and got a pain reliever from my small medicine cart.

"What the? What happened to Mayo?!"

I stopped my self from rolling my eyes. "Me and Kuya fought. You know him." I said, having emphasis on every word.

"You fought?"

"Duh." I whispered. But it looks like she heard it because her aura became dark. It's not like I'm surprised that she can hear me even if I whispered. That's her talent. "You are losing respect, Aiyah Klaire. At least remember who is the one in charge to pay your bills." I groaned inwardly. I got the ukulele and went out of the room. Call me disrespectful, I don't care. I respect those who also respect me. It is a give and take rule.

I went out at the playground when it backfired. Damn, I didn't bring an umbrella! I was about to go back when my eyes lingered on a huge tree so I just went there instead of going up. I sat down and played with the strings. I closed my eyes as soon as I heard a string make it's noise.

Trees and birds chirping made me close my eyes. I just opened it again when I remembered a song.

"Love of my life,

You've hurt me.

You've broken my heart and now you'll leave me.

Love of my life, can't you see?

Bring it back,

Bring it back.

Don't take it away from me because you don't know what it means to me..."

I smiled because the song hits me hard, especially now that my guitar is broken. I can't ask Carlo to buy me a new guitar, even if it was acoustic. I don't want to stress him out. He's already stressed as it is on his album. Suddenly, I saw an image of Joshua on my mind.

The way he held my hand.

The way he smiles at me.

The feeling that I have when he's near.

The way that he's always there when I need someone.

Why is it so familiar?

What is with you, Joshua?