|twenty-five|

"Pills. My pills are the worst." I whisper softly as I finally manage to muster up enough courage to say something.

"What do you mean?" JiSung asks as he falls down on the couch.

"You already know I have a lot of pills. The worst are the pain pills. There are days it hurts so bad that I sit and stare at the bottle. I have to fight the urge to take them all. They're supposed to help with pain—so if I take enough—they'll make it stop." I sit down beside him. I set Taro down next to me before pulling my knees to my chest.

"You didn't—right?" JiSung's eyes grow larger as he begins to panic at the thought of me overdosing.

"Not yet. I've been staring them down for years, but no matter how bad it gets I can't go through with it." I swallow hard before looking up at him.

"Don't ever do it." JiSung states firmly as he shifts his body so he's facing me.

"Trust me, I won't. I'll think about it a lot, but I'll never do it. I'm too afraid." I confess calmly as he reaches out to take my hand in his.

"Please don't hide anything from me. I hate it. I feel helpless. MinHo knows so much—yet here I am trying to take the next step completely blind." JiSung sighs as he squeezes my hand tightly.

"The next step? I can't even do the first step right, how am I supposed to do the next step?" I mumble as I rest my head on JiSung's shoulder.

"By trusting me. If you trust me to lead you, the next step will be easy." JiSung explains reassuringly as he glances over the back of the couch to check for MinHo.

"It's never easy—especially when you have no idea what any of it means." I take a shaky breath and close my eyes.

"If it makes it easier, we won't use labels. We'll take each day as it comes. If one day you don't want anything to do with me, that's okay. If the next day or even next moment, you want everything to do with me, that's okay, too. You can control everything." JiSung whispers sweetly as he rests his head on top of mine.

"Where are they?" Chan asks, slightly panicked. MinHo must've told him what happened.

"They should be in the living room." MinHo mumbles as their footsteps inch nearer.

"Thank god—you go change. You go get whatever you need for an overnight. You're staying with us." Chan instructs as he tosses a bag at JiSung.

"The others can't know—so I'm staying here. If I go with, they'll know something is wrong." I state weakly as JiSung slips out from beneath me.

"You're coming with us. I refuse to leave you here alone. Most of the others are already in bed, so they won't even notice until tomorrow. I'll have an excuse for it by then." Chan takes my hand in his and pulls me onto my feet.

"You'll probably want your blanket and Taro." MinHo says as he picks Taro up off of the couch.

"Fine." I sigh as I give into Chan's demands. I know he's only looking out for me, but I need to do things on my own sometimes. If someone keeps saving me, I'll never be able to do it on my own.

"Cat." MinHo immediately hands Taro to Chan before rushing after Skye.

"As soon as you're ready, we'll go. Make sure you grab everything you need." Chan smiles weakly as he ruffles my hair.

I nod and start making my way toward the basement stairs. I convinced JiHyo that I preferred the cool basement bedroom over the upstairs one. It's more secluded and calming.

"Wait." JiSung calls as I make it half way down the stairs. I turn around to face him, confused.

He hurries to catch up with me. As soon as he's beside me, I start down the stairs again. I wouldn't be shocked if he's staying glued to my side out of worry. He's probably afraid that one second alone means I'll try something stupid. I can't be mad at him for thinking it, because it's always possible, but I'd never do anything knowing one of them could find me.

"I don't know why, but I can't stand being away from you right now. I guess I could be scared—but it doesn't make much sense." JiSung mumbles as he confidently takes my hand in his.

"You can come with, it's okay. I could use help carrying anyway." I try to make him feel less awkward by reassuring him that he'll be useful.

"I'm sorry Chan is making you come with. I guess we're all just scared. We don't want something to happen to you." JiSung explains softly as I push the door to my bedroom open.

"At least someone is looking out for me. Before today, no one really knew how hard it was for me. They just ignored it and acted like everything was fine. I can't be mad at him for wanting to make sure I'm okay." I sigh in defeat. No matter how much I don't want to go, I know I should. I don't want to do something stupid in the moment and regret it forever.

"You shouldn't need too much. I can bring you home tomorrow. I'm pretty sure we don't have anything scheduled, so it shouldn't be a problem." JiSung smiles sweetly as he sits down on the step leading up to my bed.

"You know, I can always walk myself home, right?" I chuckle as I glance back at him.

"I know, but I feel better knowing you're with someone—even if it's not me." JiSung scratches at the back of his neck as he tries to avoid looking at me.

I shake my head in amusement as I stuff my clothes into my old bag. I don't pack very much. I don't plan on staying long at all, but I know there's a chance I'll end up staying longer than anticipated.

"I can't go." I stop in my tracks as I turn to face JiSung.

"Why?" He looks at me lost.

"Skye. I can't leave Skye alone. She's alright during the day, but all night—I can't." I sigh as I set my bag down on the chair.

"I'll stay here. If you can't go, than someone needs to stay with you. I will." JiSung nominates himself for the treacherous task of looking after me.

"I don't see Chan letting you stay by yourself." I make my way back toward the door, preparing myself to appeal Chan's request.

"Then MinHo can stay, too. We can camp out in the living room. We don't have plans tomorrow, so we could stay up all night watching movies or something." JiSung tries to win my favor by proposing an eventful evening.

"We'll have to see what Chan says first." I mumble as I hurry up the stairs with JiSung only a few steps behind me.

"Are you ready?" Chan asks as I step back into the living room.

"I can't go. I have to watch Skye. She can't be alone all night." I lower my head awkwardly as JiSung takes my hand in his.

"I said I'd stay with her—but she said I probably shouldn't stay with her by myself." JiSung explains as Chan nods.

"I'm in." MinHo chirps happily as he sits crisscross in the center of the living room with Skye in his lap.

"I figured you would be." Chan chuckles as he glances back at him.

"Is that okay—if we stay? I mean—the others will probably freak out about it—but she shouldn't be alone." JiSung seems to shrink in front of Chan. He seems hesitant, cautious as if he's asking for something impossible.

"It's fine. You may have a few uninvited guests in the morning, but it's fine with me. If anyone outside of the group asks, you went home—remember that in case they come to you, okay?" Chan smiles as he reaches for his phone.

"Deal." JiSung nods enthusiastically as Chan sends a message to someone.

"The others know, so you may have a few stragglers making their way over, but I think most of them are asleep, so you shouldn't have too many. Are you guys all good? If everything is all set, I'll head back to the dorm." Chan glances at each one of us before his eyes fall on me.

"I'm okay. I promise. I'd most likely be fine on my own, too." I mumble as I avoid meeting Chan's gaze. He's a sweetheart, but he's kind of intimidating when he's worried.

"If you need anything, just call me. I'll probably be up working for awhile, so don't hesitate to call or message me." Chan makes his way toward me and JiSung. He wraps his arms around me for a quick second before playfully punching JiSung in the shoulder.

"Move faster so I can play with the cat and not have to worry about you scolding me." MinHo whines from the floor. He earns an amused chuckle from Chan as he slips out of the house.