|twenty-eight|

"Christmas is in a few days. You're telling you still haven't got a gift for the exchange?" ChangBin shakes his head in disappointment.

"I told you I was planning on getting it today." JiSung groans as he leans his head back on the couch.

"I have to get one, too. If we're going, we should probably do it sooner than later." MinHo mumbles as he locks his phone and slips it into his pocket.

"You guys can go. I'll stay with Ari." SeungMin offers as he smiles at me.

"Did you invite Ari to the party? I mean—we'll have to keep her out of the live, but she could act as our manager and run the camera." ChangBin turns toward MinHo and JiSung.

"It honestly slipped my mind. What do you think? Do you want to come to our Christmas party?" JiSung asks as he glances down at me.

"My family is having a Christmas party—but I honestly don't want to go. I don't do well around some of them." I mumble as I contemplate which option is best. Do I spend more time with the people I could ruin or do I force myself to face my biggest bullies?

"Well, if you want to come, you're more than welcome. I know Chan already picked you up a present. Well—he ordered it last night. He said it should be here either today or tomorrow." SeungMin recalls as he scrolls through his phone.

"Hold that thought—give me your phone." JiSung holds his hand out for my phone. I hesitantly place it in his hand.

"What are you doing?" I question, honestly as long as he doesn't get rid of my music, he could do whatever and I wouldn't care.

"Giving you your first present and unsubscribing you from my group chat. Why would you get the generic when you've got me?" JiSung smiles sheepishly as he hands my phone back to me.

"The generic is probably better. You might want to resubscribe and block him elsewhere." SeungMin chuckles as he gives JiSung a judgmental glare.

"I think I may. He talks about food a lot in the group chat. He reminds us to eat three meals a day, too, so that's always helpful." I laugh as I sit upright and nudge him playfully.

"That sounds like him." ChangBin laughs as JiSung pouts.

"I need to get out of the house—I'll go shopping and get a present. Then I'll meet up with you guys later. Is that okay?" I question as I glance at each one of them.

"Sounds perfect." MinHo hops up, more than willing to support leaving me on my own.

"I'm fine with it." SeungMin nods in agreement as he gets up. He helps ChangBin to his feet.

"I'll go with Ari." JiSung mumbles, unwilling to budge.

"Don't worry, I got this." MinHo states calmly as he grabs ahold of JiSung's arm and pulls him up onto his feet.

"I don't want her to fall on the ice or anything." JiSung attempts to win someone over so he has back up, but everyone seems to be on my side.

"She'll live. She's made it this long without us, she can make an hour or two without a problem." MinHo pushes JiSung toward the door, not allowing him a chance to find a way to stay.

"I'll call you when I'm done." I smile as I wave at them. They return my gesture before slipping out of the gate and disappearing down the road.

The moment they're gone, the weight on my shoulders is lifted, but the despair and horror all comes creeping back. I close my eyes and hug myself. I allow my mind to imagine JiSung's arms around me. It only takes a few moments before the switch flips. A grin crosses my face and I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous everything I do is. I'm such a mess, but for some reason he doesn't mind. He looks past it and sees what's underneath.

"Makeup—I actually feel like doing my makeup." I mumble to myself as I happily make my way down to my room.

I'm actually feeling like my old self, so I have to show them the real me. The me that isn't affected by things I can't control. Of course, I can't really change what I wear, but I can do my hair and makeup to make myself look a little less depressed.

I toss my phone down on the floor and hurry towards my closet. I pull out my pile of eyeshadow palettes and begin searching for an outfit to match the most outrageous colors I have. Black and black. That's always the best choice, especially when you want to work with hot pink and purple eyeshadow.

I change clothes and grab my makeup before sitting on the ground in front of my mirror. I tie my hair back before starting with my base makeup. My phone goes off beside me, causing my heart to jump into my throat. I quickly grab it and hit answer. I put it on speaker and continue with my makeup.

"Yes?" I chirp joyously.

"Are you okay? Are you sure you don't want me to come back?" JiSung begins rambling as MinHo yells at him in the background.

"I'm perfectly fine. I'm actually doing amazing—for the moment. I don't know how long it'll last—but I'm okay." I reassure him as I set my foundation down and move onto step two.

"Is it bad that makes me worry even more?" JiSung sighs as he fights to keep control of his phone.

"If you're that worried, I call when I'm done getting ready and I'll come meet you—only thing is I'm worried people might see us. You know as well as anyone that I'm terrified of people finding out—so if I do come to you, let's be civil." I offer up something to try and ease his worry.

He's new to the whole bipolar autism thing. I kind of am, too. I never had a name for the way I was. It was always just my personality or my parent's fault. No one ever took the time to step back and really figure things out. Now that I know, it makes me look at my life in a whole new way.

"Please—I'll wear my hat and my mask and no one will know it's me." JiSung practically begs as MinHo snatches the phone from him.

"Ignore him. If you don't want to come with us you don't have to—if you do want to, you're always welcome—but don't let him decide for you." MinHo lets out an annoyed sigh.

"It's okay. I don't mind. It'll actually give me an idea for a gift. I have no idea what to get." I mumble as I move onto the difficult part of my makeup.

"We won't do much looking without you then. We'll probably just walk around—maybe get gifts for you." MinHo thinks out loud as JiSung complains.

"Whatcha thinking of getting me?" I chuckle as I delicately apply the first shade of eyeshadow.

"I honestly have no idea. I know you like us and that's about it." MinHo teases playfully.

"I didn't say I liked all of you. I specifically mentioned JiSung once it came up. I mean—I guess Chan isn't too terrible. There's this one guy though—he's horrible." I smile at my reflection as MinHo hums contently.

"I see—does this guy happen to be named Lee Know?" MinHo suggests as JiSung grows more and more frustrated with him.

"Wait—there's a member named Lee Know?" I sit back and pick up my phone in amusement.

"Take it—take the phone JiSung. I am done with her." MinHo states as he quickly passes the phone off.

"I wasn't done." I sigh as I set my phone back down and check my makeup.

"Weren't done what?" JiSung asks, his curiosity more than likely going to be the death of him.

"Nothing. I finished my makeup. I just have to grab my bag and shoes then I'll head out. Where should I meet you?" I ask as I get to my feet.

"Hm—how about we meet to get lunch? There's a pizza place not far from your place. We're only about ten minutes away, so we'll meet you there." JiSung's voice is soft and sweet as he coos delicately.

"Sounds perfect—don't let anyone follow you. I'd prefer not having my face plastered all over the internet." I remind him as I grab my necklace and slip it over my head.

"I know, I know. We'll see you soon. Be careful. Don't fall on the ice. If something happens call me." JiSung instructs as I pick up my black backpack and head toward the stairs.