|twenty-nine|

"Ari!" JiSung chirps as he waves his arms energetically.

I count the number of bodies beside him and narrow my eyes in confusion. They multiplied. There were only four of them now there are six. I stop and take a moment to collect myself. The more of them there are the more likely someone is going to pick up on us.

"Relax, we ordered the pizza and our manager is coming to pick us up. We're eating at the company. Chan needs someone to pull him away from work to eat, so we all decided to put a little something together." MinHo chirps as he tosses his arm around me. Seven. They're all here but Chan.

I lower my head awkwardly as MinHo leads me toward the others. HyunJin seems to pick up on my uneasiness. He slips between me and the crowded pizza shop window. He does everything he can to block me from their view.

"Someone's going to notice us." I mumble as I glance around in search of any prying eyes.

"Come with me, I'll take you to get a present for the exchange while they wait for the pizza." HyunJin holds his hand out for mine.

I nod and happily take his hand. JiSung eyes him for a moment, but takes a deep breath and tries to play it off as nothing. I watch him direct his attention to MinHo as HyunJin leads me away from the group.

"What we're you thinking present wise?" HyunJin asks as we walk hand and hand down the street.

"I'm not sure." I shrug as I glance up at him.

"I suggest something simple. You could get snacks or even gloves or something." HyunJin smiles down at me.

"I want to get you all something." I direct my gaze to the dozens of stores that line the sidewalk. I watch each one in search of something special for each of them.

"All of us—you don't have to. You can just get one gift for the exchange." HyunJin states calmly as he looks toward a toy store casually.

"I've got an idea." I chirp as I drag HyunJin toward the toy shop.

"What's that?" HyunJin asks as he allows me to lead him down each aisle until I stumble across what I was looking for.

"I have Taro—and a million other stuffed animals at home—but you guys don't have many. I want to get one for each of you. This one is MinHo." I pick up a cute stuffed cat that reminds me of one of his cats.

"What about me?" HyunJin asks happily as he willingly holds MinHo's stuffed animal.

"You're—you're a llama. Just look at how cute he is." I pick up a stuffed llama with a sparkly nose. I hold it up next to HyunJin's face and he chuckles.

"I accept it." HyunJin nods as he takes it from me.

"Next is ChangBin. This one is kind of hard. They don't have pig bunnies. So—I'll get a pig and see if I can find bunny ears for him." I grab a cute little pig and place it in HyunJin's arms. I watch in amusement as he struggles to hold them all.

"You keep looking—I'm going to get a basket." HyunJin slips away in search of a shopping basket to help ease his struggle.

"Hmm—I got ChangBinnie, Hyunnie, MinHo—let's do Felix. Felix is a—chick. He's a cute baby chick." I pick up a small stuffed chick. I place a soft kiss on its forehead and hold it tightly in my arms.

I can feel people glance toward me. They whisper as I sense someone coming closer to me. Did they notice HyunJin? Do they know who he is? They aren't taking pictures—are they?

My heart begins to race and my chest tightens. I swallow hard as I try to refocus, but it's too hard. I close my eyes tightly and try to imagine myself back in the practice room. Everything had felt so casual then, it was comforting. I want everyday to feel like that day.

"Breathe." HyunJin whispers softly as he wraps his arm around my neck from behind. He rests his chin on my shoulder before grabbing the stuffed chick from my arms and setting it in the basket.

I place my hand on his and squeeze. I take a shaky breath and try to imagine the people around me as an empty store. HyunJin delicately lowers his arm and moves to stand beside me. He adjusts his mask before taking my hand in his.

"Who's next?" HyunJin asks as he leans forward and tilts his head to meet my gaze.

"Uh—Chan. Chan is a kangaroo. Then Innie is a fox." I place two more stuffed animals into the basket before the heavy feeling on my shoulders finally seems to get lighter.

"Who's left now? We have one, two, three, four, five, six—two more." HyunJin counts off the stuffed animals before turning toward me.

"Min is a puppy, of course." I grab the cutest stuffed dog I can find and hand it to HyunJin to put in the basket.

I slip away from him and move a little further down the aisle in search of the last stuffed animal. It has to be perfect and slightly better than the rest. JiSung honestly deserves the world, but all I can give him right now is a stuffed animal—a squirrel to be exact.

"That one." HyunJin steps up and picks up a big stuffed squirrel. He holds it out for me and I hug it tightly.

"And this one." I grab an identical squirrel and spin around to head toward the register.

"You're literally the cutest thing in the world." HyunJin chuckles as he places the stuffed animals on the counter for me while I dig for my money.

Before the man can tell me the price, I hand him a wad of cash and lower my head. I'd rather not exchange unnecessary words unless there's no way around it. He smiles as he hands me my change and begins placing all the stuffed animals in a bag.

"Thank you." HyunJin chirps as he picks up both of the bags. He holds his arm out for me to grab onto before heading toward the street once again.

"I still need a big bag to put them in. I don't want them separate—you guys are one—so your gifts need to be one, too. So, I want one big bag for all of them." I look up at HyunJin with wide eyes as a satisfied smile crosses my face.

"You're quite happy today." HyunJin chuckles as he allows me to drag him toward another store.

"Hypomania at its finest." I give him a straightforward answer. It's true. My highs and my lows aren't determined by me. I have no control over them—my bipolar disorder controls everything.

"Well—I'll do whatever you want to try and keep you happy for even longer." HyunJin states firmly as he nods his head reassuringly.

"I want you to answer your phone." I chuckle as I let go of his hand.

I don't know if he just didn't notice it or if he didn't care, but it's been vibrating on and off for the last five minutes. He switches the bags over to his other hand and pulls his phone out. I smile and wave before hurrying off to find a bag for their gifts.

I glance toward him as he slips outside. He's probably talking to one of the members, so standing in a quiet store where everyone can hear him probably isn't the best idea. I shrug it off and focus on picking the perfect gift bag.

I settle on a sparkly bag covered in zoo animals before resting my eyes on a pack of blank cards. Each card has an intricate design coated in glitter. The envelopes are brilliant colors that scream anything but Christmas, but that's kind of the point. I pick them up and head toward the register.

HyunJin isn't here to do any talking that may come up, so I have to do it myself. I set my things down on the counter and grab my change from the last store. The lady rings it up without a word. The only thing she says is my total. I hand her the exact amount and now my head before slipping out of the store to find HyunJin.