18 | No Buts

18 | No Buts

Paige's Point of View ~

I froze in place.

Maybe it's not what I'm thinking.

Maybe he did a kind gesture for her, like watching over her cabin or signing into the daily counselor sign in forms for her.

Maybe he just didn't do anything and she's spreading rumors. I did hear shuffling around that morning, and Carson wouldn't let me in right away.

Yeah, it's definitely what I think it is.

"Didn't that unattractive looking girl show up to his cabin?"

"Yeah she's probably stocking them or something."

Okay, I knew this was going to happen. I was just asking for help, it's not like I'm one of those creepy fan girls that watches the popular guys every move, like in every cliche 80's/90's movie.

"Um. What do you think you're doing?" Said a voice from behind me. I spun around when I felt someone tap my shoulder rapidly. Wait, weren't they over there?

"She's listening to our conversation." One of them laughed. "See. Stalker."

"I'll have you know, this is my cabin." I pointed to the cabin door with the number 3 on it. "I was just about to go in."

The two minions gasped dramatically. "She talked back to you." The girl in the middle raised her eyebrows and smiled devilishly.

"That was a mistake." Said the other.

"You don't believe me do you?" Said the girl in the middle. I recognize her almost instantly. She ruined my favorite shirt.

"No. I just don't care."

Of course I care. I care because he lied about it. I especially care because Carson lied to me. I thought I could trust him.

"Oh really?" She took a step closer and I cautiously stepped back. She laughed. "Girls, she's jealous."

"Please." I snorted. They're being hysterical.

"Why wouldn't you be?"

"He's...rude." I couldn't think of a different answer. Yeah, he's rude a lot of the time, but sometimes he's not. Just because I can't think of an answer doesn't mean I'm jealous of a snake.

She scoffed and the girls behind her laughed along. "He's hot. You seriously don't agree."

I hesitated. She raised her eyebrows at me and snickered.

"Oh so she does agree." She crossed her arms. "If you intend on surviving the rest of the week. I suggest you back off."

I snorted again at their idiotic assumptions and made my way to the front door.

"Aw, she's gonna run away." She sarcastically pouted. "Like when I kissed him at the park."

I stopped moving and stood there like a statue. Now that I think about it, she has the same dirty blonde hair as the girl at the park. How have so many drastic things happened to me so many times in the past month? I can't move or talk, because of what I've just heard. She's just lying. She's spreading rumors or I'm hearing things.

"Oh, and now she can't move, she's that jealous!" The other minion said in a small baby voice and she gave the one on the right a low high five.

"If I could define you all in one word, it would be narcissist." I tried to keep myself from tearing up. I didn't give in on letting them get what they wanted.

"If I could define you in one word, it would be fugly." Her followers snickering made me lose it completely.

I spun around on my heels and lunged for her perfect looking face, but was pulled back by two strong arms.

"I will kill you! I'll kill you and you'll burn in hell!" I screamed and tried to get out of the person who was holding me hands, but couldn't. I reached for her hair and she gasped and backed away.

"Don't you dare touch me!" She yelled. When I turned around Carson's face appeared. I managed to wiggle my arm out of his and slapped his shoulder.

"What are you doing?! Let go of me!" He didn't say anything he just shook his head in disapproval.

"You'll hurt her until she can't move." said Carson as calmly as he possibly could, still holding me so I wouldn't mess up her pretty face.

"That is the point!" I yelled. "Can you just let me go?"

The girls stepped back in unison. As I reached for the brunette minion, they all walked away, smirking until I couldn't see them anymore.

Carson finally let go of me, which was a mistake. I walked into the cabin and he followed me in.

"What is wrong with you?" I paced around the room. "You knew! You knew everything and you kept it from me this whole time! She was the one who kissed him at the park and then slept with him! And he went along! You told me he wasn't like this! You said he wasn't the type of person to hurt me! You lied! To my face! You lied to me! What the hell happened to 'think of me as the big brother you never had'?! Y-you are absolutely unbelievable! You l-lied to me!"

I couldn't hold the salty tears in anymore and started to balling my eyes out and sat on the little couch in the corner of the room and wiped my nose with my hand. He said nothing and sat next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders. It's like he knew I needed silence. I leaned into the side hug and cried on his shoulder. Even though I was mad at him, I let him let me cry it out. I might just kill him after I kill the snake. Yeah, that's it. I'll go on a killing spree to make myself feel better.

I knew I had no right to be upset. It's not like I know him that well. To the point where I'd never be in a relationship with him, not enough to be a friend either.

I almost never cry. Like I said earlier, instead of facing my feelings or fears I ignore them by hiding in books about unreal fairy tales. But how could he do this? How could Leo be so heartless?

***

The rest of the week went by faster than I thought it would. Every time Leo tried to approach me I'd either walk in a different direction or ignore him completely. He didn't deserve my attention and he knows it.

Today was finally the last day of camp. After lunch we would leave for the 3 hour bus ride home.

I asked for the campers to all get dressed and ready for breakfast by 8:00 a.m. because I was told we leave for the ride home at 8:30.

"Can we go now I'm hungry!" Said Billy next to Carly.

"I'm so tired." Maddie rubbed her eyes and sighed softly.

"That's okay you can sleep on the bus." I said as she brushed the tangles out of her dark brown hair. She smiled and nodded.

"Can I sit next to you? Everybody else already has a partner." She looked up at me with the tempting puppy dog eyes.

"Okay, but I'm sleeping too." I laughed softly and she giggled too.

Once everybody was fully packed up and ready to go to the dining hall we walked on the path towards where our food awaited us.

I couldn't get it out of my head no matter what I did. I tried listening to music with the headphones the little boy let me use. I tried reading a book. I tried to get my mind off it by taking a cold shower—which I hate, but I could never get what happened off my mind. It's like I'm cursed with the thought of being hurt again 24/7. I can't and I won't talk to him. It will just make me overthink everything all over again. I don't ever procrastinate things like school work and assignments, but when it comes to facing my fears and strong emotions, I avoid them at all costs.

I wasn't afraid to talk to Leo. For some reason I can talk to him but not to other people I don't know. It's easier in a way. I don't know why, but it just is.

It's too bad because I'm done with him and his sassy self.

"Alright. So, we all know our camp time has come to an end. I can't thank you all enough for making it more fun and exhilarating. Next year..." I dozed off at grandma's annual end of the week speech. It's the same every year, so I've pretty much memorized the whole thing.

"...Now everybody finish eating, or we'll be late." Grandma closed her notebook and made her way into the kitchen. When everyone was done with their food we got up to drop them off at the dirty dishes section of the dining hall.

"You guys, everybody grab their stuff and follow me." I looked down at the piece of paper that reminded me of the schedule for today.

"We're on bus four."

"Yo! We get bus four."

I turned to look for the person who had said bus 4 too. Carson was waving his arms in circles whilst pointing at bus 4. The kids from his cabin were stepping onto the bus in front of him.

"Hey kiddo, thanks for everything." Said grandma from behind me. I turned back around and smiled at her.

"Sure. But, um...could we perhaps get a different bus?" I asked as desperately as I could. She moved her head in disapproval and my smile faded.

"It would be too hard to replace more cabins, sorry girl." She shrugged and walked away from us and to the next bus.

Knowing I'd be on the same bus as Carson and Leo I did my very best to hide my face from their view.

I hid myself in the crowd of kids as we all walked into the bus. They where laughing and talking on and on.

"Paige?"

I froze in place. Please tell me it's not who I think it is.

When I looked up I saw Carson standing up from his seat, looking down at me as I was bending down to about Maddie's height.

"Shut up, look away, and sit down." He sat back down as I said and looked at me with a confused look. Once he got the general idea of why I was being creepy, he stopped staring and looked away from me, so nobody would notice I was there.

Maddie and the other kids thought I was joking around and went along with it. Once I sat down on the uncomfortable looking seat on the right side seat of the middle of the bus, she sat down too.

"Can I listen to music too?" Whispered Maddie from next to me.

I nodded and handed her the left earphone as I put the right one in my ear.

"Anything in particular?"

"Taylor Swift." She smiled brightly and looked away from me and to the people seated next to us. I didn't care who she was looking at so I started to flip through the hundreds of songs by Taylor. When I tapped the song "Style" she immediately hummed and bobbed her head to the pop lyrics.

Leo's Point of View ~

There she sat. Right next to Maddie. She obviously tried hard to make herself unnoticeable. I immediately realized she was here when Carson looked down at her then away, receiving the secret message not to act suspicious. Although she was the one being suspicious.

I noticed Maddie asked her a question and she nodded in approval. Paige handed her an earphone and put the other in her ear. Maddie probably asked for Taylor Swift because it was her absolute favorite, and of course Paige had said yes because she's always been caring like that.

Maddie turned and looked at me, suddenly her eyes widened and she beamed with excitement. I widened my eyes too and she turned to Paige, who was sleeping peacefully with her head turned away from my direction.

When she looked back at me, I shook my head and mouthed 'No' to her so she wouldn't wake her up. She nodded and sat back in her blue seat.

I hadn't noticed she was watching me smile at Paige as she lightly snored, until minutes later. She grinned at me and I frowned. I turned my head to look away from Maddie's teasing expression, and got into a more comfortable position.

Paige meant a great deal to Maddie. Maddie's always wanted a sister. Most definitely an older one. Paige looks after her and acts as though she is her older sister, even though she isn't, and has known her for only a month. Even though I've been an ass to Paige since day one, she's been there for Maddie.

I know I could have possibly ruined their special relationship. But because I almost didn't, doesn't mean I would ever want to. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if my actions affected Maddie. And Paige. I also know I hurt her. I know I hurt her in a way that will affect the way she looks at me for probably a long time. I have no idea what I'm going to do about it, but I need her. She changed me. She puts up with me when almost nobody else does. She doesn't care what people think, including me, and she turned me into an almost-better person.

I want to change completely. I want to be there for Maddie, my mom, and Paige. I want to be a good person, and meet their expectations, but it's hard when I can't just change who I am completely.

The person I was before was better. He was a better person then I am now.

When I lost my dad I broke. I snapped and shattered into a million pieces and my good disappeared into thin air. I can't help but be broken and hide myself by being the person I am now. Now I can't help but need her. She makes me feel like I could be a better person just by existing.

I can't lose her too.

Paige's Point of View ~

By the time I had gotten home, it was only 12. Before I went home I went to the coffee shop for some morning fuel because at camp they wouldn't give out any coffee to anyone. I forgot to mention I tried sneaking into the directors lounge for some, but got caught by grandma and sent back to my cabin with no punishment, thankfully.

The moment I stepped onto the doorstep the door flung open, revealing my Mom wearing her signature apron with pink cupcakes printed all over it.

"Thank god you're back from camp. I was worried where you were until grandma explained everything. Besides that, we're having the new neighbors over for dinner, so I need you to go to the store to buy some stuff I need."

Please tell me for some random reason they decided they didn't like it here and just sold their house while I was gone, and a whole new family moved into the house in a week, and she's inviting them, and not who I hope she's not inviting.

"What? But I-"

"No buts." Mom cut me off. "Be back by 4 and do not be late. I promised chicken and salad and I have my own way of preparing the chicken, as you know, that takes a very long time." She threw her car keys and wallet at me. As I caught them she slammed the door shut.

Yeah, she totally met Lily.

I need to find a way out of this.

Maybe I could tell her I caught a contagious sickness from camp and that I'll have to be in bed for the rest of the summer.

No, that won't work. She's already seen that I'm perfectly fine. Plus if the sickness was that serious, Leo also would have caught it, meaning his family also wouldn't be able to make it.

Hopefully Leo won't be ordered to go to the grocery store by his mother to get flowers for mine.

I turned my body and stared at the house next to mine.

Great. This will definitely be one hell of a night.

***

I couldn't help but throw some ice cream, cherries, and whip cream into my cart. Okay, maybe I'm a little broken up about Leo, but it's not like we were together and broke up with each other, so I'm probably being a teeny bit dramatic. But maybe it's just me being hungry for some good ice cream.

"Paige?"

I was probably hearing things, because I heard his exact voice. I shook it off and turned the cart into the vegetable aisle. I opened the large refrigerator door and scanned the shelves for the exact salad my mom had written down.

"Paige!" Said the same voice in my head. Stop it, Paige. You're going insane.

I jumped as a hand grabbed my wrist. Okay, now I'm feeling things. I'll probably end up in an all girls mental institute where they'll never let me leave my room because of how insane I'm going.

I turned around to look at the person to make sure I wasn't going crazy, and screamed at who I saw.

Leo stood 5 inches away from me holding a bouquet of flowers in his right hand.

Wow. You really had to go and jinx things like that, Paige.

"Stop screaming everybody's looking." said Leo quietly.

I threw the salad combo I was holding in the cart, turned around and started picking out the green beans my mom asked me to buy. I turned around to face him.

"Yeah, because I'm not that attractive and everyone's probably stunned I'm so unattractive, right?"

He moved his chin up to look up at the plain beige ceiling and his jaw clenched. I know he probably regrets saying such a thing, but I'm pretty much the person to remember every single thing and what everyone does and says and hold grudges to the day I die.

"Why can't you let that go!?" He shouted while turning his head back down to look into my eyes. I raised my eyebrows while holding the green beans in my hands.

"Because when a guy basically opens with the fact that he doesn't find a girl attractive, it kind of sets the tone for the rest of the relationship!" I snapped as loud as I could. I think some people heard me because everyone around us was staring. I threw the green beans in the cart and pushed it out of the aisle as fast as I could. Leo tried to keep up but I kept pushing it.

"What do you think would have happened'' He started and threw himself in front of my cart and set his hands on it, keeping me from going any further. "If I said, Hey I think you're incredibly beautiful!" He yelled so loud everyone stopped what they were doing. I froze. "What do you think would've happened, if I said you are eyes made me forget my own name?"

"But you didn't! You basically c-called me ugly and I believed you! I believed you when I s-shouldn't have. You know, when someone says something like that to you their heart freezes and then s-shatters into a million fucking pieces! Oh, but you wouldn't know that, because your hot as fuck!" Everyone stared in our direction. One of the moms in the same aisle as us gasped and covered her kids ears.

He said nothing. Absolutely nothing. He was smart not to. If he said one more word, I would have reacted even worse then I did just now.

"Hm." I scratched my chin sarcastically, "so I'm kind of like nothing to you, huh?"

He didn't answer.

He couldn't even think of what to say

I pushed the cart into his body, grabbed the food inside it, and ran out of the aisle and to the cashier, leaving him behind.

I quickly plucked a 50 from my moms wallet and threw it at the guy behind the cashier.

"Hey! What about your change!?" He yelled after me. I ignored him carelessly and walked out of the store and towards my moms car awaiting me in the large parking lot.

I probably just made tonight worse than it was already going to be.