XXV. Yes Or No

Something didn't feel right. It was forced, quickly planned and otherwise totally unexpected. Lucien didn't know how to feel or what to think as he eyed the object sitting in front of him. It glared up at him as an awaiting answer to a big question. This wasn't right.

"Thorin," Lucien breathed, his eyes unable to tear away from the large jewel atop the diamond-encrusted ring. It was something to show off, something to admire but also something to way him down.

Thorin watched him with a blank expression. He shouldn't be doing this but here he was, handing over the special piece of jewellery his grandmother had once held dear. Why did his mind have to be so clouded in a moment like this? He couldn't think straight let alone stop the decision his body was choosing to make. It wasn't fair to either of them.

"I'm...not sure what to say." The wizard mumbled, eyebrows furrowed and a small pout on his lips. He looked at the dwarf with shock with a slight fear of his own answer and what was to come. He should say no right then, he should. So, why couldn't he?

Thorin took Lucien's hand into his own, palm up, and placed the velvet blue box ontop. "Think about it."

And that was what Lucien did for the next two days. He never spoke a word of it to anyone and he and Thorin mostly ignored each other when night fell. It was another thing eating away at him. The thought of hurting Thorin was painful and in hurting Thorin would mean hurting the others, he would only take his anger out on the rest. Poor Bilbo already had it bad enough and Kili and Ori were only young, they didn't need that.

It was either his happiness or the company's safety.

Thorin had no benefit out of this other than the one thing he told Lucien when he made his speech.

"You are my treasure, Lucien, and I need you by my side. I will give you everything you have ever wanted. Stay with me and the world is yours."

It told Lucien one thing, this proposal was not out of love and he hated to admit it but he was somewhat used to being used like that. His past was similar to this present, although Thorin wasn't even remotely evil or deranged. The dwarf was kind-hearted, greed was just steering him wrong.

Kili was noticing his tense and anxious behaviour, Fili was asking questions and Bilbo was trying to stay out of his way, knowing something was wrong. Balin couldn't get a word out of him when they usually talked every day. Even Dwalin noticed his closed-off attitude and directed all of his silent accusations towards the dwarf king.

"Something on your mind?" The warrior questioned one late afternoon during dinner. He seemed mostly indifferently but it was clear he wanted a real reply.

Lucien pushed the food around on his plate, shrugging even if the dwarf wasn't looking in his direction. "Yeah. I don't know how to feel about it."

Dwalin nodded, "Must be something big, huh?"

"Definitely," The wizard chuckled, "Big, important and possibly self-destructive."

"Are you thinking of your own well-being?"

"...Not really."

Dwalin sighed, "Just think, not only of those around you but of yourself as well. How things will turn out either way. Sometimes your answer should be for yourself but sometimes it should be for others. You have to figure out which is more paramount."

He was, of course, completely right. Yes or no? Which one was better for everyone? Neither. Which one was better for most? Saying yes. The only one that may be unhappy would be himself and even then he wasn't totally uncomfortable with the idea of marrying Thorin.

Lucien liked Thorin, a lot. Was he really ready to say yes to remaining by his side for possibly the next fifty years? It wasn't much time for him but it was marrying someone and to him that was big.

He should just make up his mind and get it over and done with. Thorin had been staring at him for the past hour and all through lunch. He should say it.

The ring was heavy in his pocket as he walked over. "Thorin, I want to talk." He spoke strongly, trying not to let his voice show the weight this decision was putting on his shoulders.

He nodded and they were off, returning back to the room where Thorin had proposed to Lucien days before. Past royals stared down at them, some warm others cold, it wasn't very comforting.

They took the same seats at the same table and Lucien placed the box on the surface between them. Taking a deep breath, he spoke, "I have thought about it a lot. Made my decision, then I wondered if it was the right one, changed it and then second-guessed that as well. Two days of two words bouncing through my head every second. Yes or no. No or yes." Lucien sighed, clutching his hands together, "I think I have finally made up my mind though."

Thorin gazed at him expectantly, confidently. He also had time to think and decided this was really what he must do. He couldn't have Lucien leave him. The wizard was his and only his, nothing would change that. Thorin knew he loved Lucien it just wasn't the type of love marriage was for. "And what is your answer, my treasure?" He hummed.

A moment of silence struck.

"Yes. I will marry you Thorin."