Stars

trigger warning: self-harm, death

"Bye, take care."

I waved at him after stepping out of his car. I didn't go inside the house yet, I waited for him to leave. He rolled down his window, causing me to scowled at him.

"What?" I asked him.

"I'm waiting for you to go inside of your house first before I leave."

My lips parted. I scoffed but it immediately turns out into a giggle. So we are both waiting for each other to go first, huh?

"I was also waiting for you to leave first before I get inside. You should go first, I am already home." I urged him.

He chuckled and shook his head. "No, you go first."

"No, you go first." I crossed my arms playfully.

"I am not driving home if you are not yet inside of your house." He leaned closer to the window.

I held my forehead while giggling. I sighed defeatedly and shrugged, rolling my eyes playfully. I guess I should go first, or else we won't stop arguing about it ridiculously.

"Fine, I m getting inside now." I waved at him for the second time and started t walk.

I went upstairs right away once I get inside the house. I changed my clothes before going downstairs. I checked the time as I wonder why my siblings aren't home yet. I get my phone and called Olivia's phone. I bit my lower lip as I started to feel nervous and worried.

"Oli, why are you guys not home yet," I asked once she answered my call.

"We are on our way going home now, Sienna. Can you please prepare an early dinner for us?"

I felt relieved after hearing her answer. I exhaled calmly.

"Yeah, sure. What would you like to eat?" I opened the ref to see what I can cook for tonight.

"Nothing specific for me... Wait I'll ask Nathan."

"Okay,"

"Sienna! Sienna!"

I can't help but smile after hearing his excited voice.

"Yeah, would you like to have a vegetable dinner for tonight?" I ask him using my serious voice. I  pulled my bottom lip between my teeth to suppress my laugh. I can't help but imagine his face creasing in disgust.

"No, I don't want that!" He whines on the line causing me to burst out into laughter.

"What do you want then?"

"Hmm... a roast beef will do."

"Okay, take care guys."

I took out the beef from the fridge and placed it in the sink. I washed it first before preparing the ingredients. My phone suddenly beeps so I glance at it. I washed my other hand and use it to open the text message I just got.

From Atticus:

Baby, I'm home.

Me:

Okay. I'll text you later once I am not busy anymore, 'kay?

We had a delicious dinner that night. I washed the dishes after we ate before I went upstairs. I was about to go inside of my room when Nathan suddenly pops-up in my mind. So instead of getting inside my room, I knock on his door. He didn't answer so I tried to open his door, it wasn't locked so it wasn't hard for me to get inside his room. He was lying in his bed peacefully with his RC car beside him. I draw near to him. I squat on the floor and caressed his cheek. His deep breathing gives me a sign that he's already asleep.

Me:

Goodnight, Ticu :)

The days flew so fast without me noticing that it is already Saturday. Unlike the other students during weekends, I still have to wake up early to prepare breakfast for them. After our breakfast, I do the laundry next. I really got busy for the whole day every weekend since I have responsibility for the chores here in the house and also for my siblings. I lied in my bed and exhaled tiredly. I closed my eyes after feeling sleepy. But immediately opened it and acted that I wasn't tired and sleepy when Nathan came in the room.

"Hey, li'l boy," I sit in my bed and tap my side for him to take a seat.

"Aren't you sleepy yet?" He asked as he draws near to me.

I shook my head and smiled at him. "Nope. Big sister isn't yet sleepy. Do you want something?"

He noded. "Hmm-mmm,"

"What is it? A food? What food do you want to eat?" I stepped out of my bed.

"It"s not food. Uh... I just want you to come with me. Let's watch the stars outside."

My eyes dilated, amazed at what he said. I followed him outside the house. I looked at the sky and it was full of shiny and bright stars. I roam my eyes around when I notice that we don't have a chair where we can sit as we watch the stars. So I went back inside the house and took out one of our dining chairs. It was a bit heavy but I have to take it outside for Nathan.

"Hmm... Can I ask you a question?" He asked me while looking at the stars above. He's now sitting in the chair I took out for him while I just sat in the slipper that I placed in the grass. I nodded and look at him rosing my two eyebrows, waiting for his question. "Do you think... there's a place here in the world where... you can't feel pain anymore? Or... just a place that will give you peace of mind... and protect you from the pain even just for one day?" He glances at me quickly.

I just look at him with an overcrowded heart. I swallowed hard as I remembered how mom treated him differently from me and Oli. I felt the side of my eyes heated causing me to look away so he won't see it.

I am sorry if you have to feel that kind of pain, my love.

"I... I don't know." The pain in my voice was evident. "But... But you can tell me what to do so I can remove that pain you feel."

"No, you don't have to. I... am fine." He chuckled.

"I am sorry if you felt those pain at your early age, my love," I whispered and reached his hand. "Tell me if it is too much, okay? Tell me if it is so heavy already. Big sister will carry it for you." I stood up and kissed the top of his head.

"Let's go back inside now. I'm already sleepy." He said, causing me to let go of his hand.

I nodded. He went inside first. The tears that I was fighting earlier raced to fall. I wiped them and carried the chair back inside the house.

"Sienna," he called me when we got upstairs. "I love you. Thank you for tonight," he said before getting inside his room.

It is Monday now and we are on the way going to my house. Atticus was silent the whole time while driving. Every time I ask him he just answered shortly. I wonder if there is a problem.

"Are you okay? You don"t look okay. You looked like you're thinking of a big problem. Is there?" I asked him.

He sighed and looks at me worriedly. "Baby, can you ask Nathan how is he? I... I heard from Kris last night that he saw Nathan crying. I am just worried about it."

I looked at him shockingly. Did I hear it right? My brother cried in his school? I never caught him crying in my whole life. There's really something wrong.

"I think he's with dealing heavy things," I said blankly. "He stayed at home for today because he said he's not feeling well."

When we got in front of my house, Olivia was outside of the house dialing something on her phone. I scowled as I unbuckle the seatbelt when she wiped her tears. I felt my heart beating so fast. What happens? I stepped out of the car and walked towards her.

But before I get closer to her...

"Sienna," she ran to me and hugged me while crying. "Nathan..." she sobs. "...committed suicide."