Sorry

"Please…" I sobbed. "Please tell me that you're joking! Please tell me that this is just a prank!"

I begged Olivia as she embraced me weakly while crying too. She is just joking, right? I even had a pretty good conversation with Nathan earlier! This couldn't be happening! He can never hurt himself!

"Rise and shine, Nath," I said as I knocked on his door thrice. I didn't hear any response from him so I decided to get inside. He was lying in his bed, staring at his ceiling blankly. I went to him and held his hand. He looks at me with eyes full of surprise like he never thought that I was already inside of his room. Why is he spacing out? "Are you okay? What are you thinking?"

"N-nothing," He answered, stuttering.

"You sure? Why aren't you getting ready for school?"

"Yeah. I… I am not feeling well."

I placed my hand on his forehead to check if he has a fever. I scowled after I felt his normal temperature. I placed my hand in his neck too and just like his forehead it doesn't seem hot or he's in high temperature.

"You don't have a fever. You don't feel hot, do you?"

"I mean, I don't have a fever but…" he trailed off, looking for a word to use.

"Are you tired?" I suddenly ask which caught him off guard.

"I am just exhausted." He gave me a small smile.

"About what?" I scowled.

"Nothing," he shook his head and pulled his comforter up until his shoulder.

I sighed. I guess I can't force him to go to school. "Alright. I won't force you to go to school today."

"Really?!" He shrieked. "You are always the best sister, Sienna!" He jumps out from his comforter and went to me to hug me tightly.

I chuckled and hugged him back. "Hey, Olivia's one of the bests too!" I disagreed.

He stops hugging me and covered his mouth with dilated eyes. "Did I said it that loud?" Now, the conscience was written all over his face.

"Yeah," I teased.

"Hey, it is not!" He protruded his lips.

"I'll go to Olivia and tell her!" I threatened him.

"Hey, don't do that!"

I chuckled. "Of course, I won't." Assured him. From his eyes widened because he's scared I might do what I just said, he closed his eyes and fall back onto his bed like he felt relieved. "I'll go downstairs now," I informed him.

"Okay,"

I started to walk towards the door, but before I could reach the doorknob I turned to him. "Why don't you join me downstairs and eat your breakfast first before getting yourself enough rest?"

"I'm not yet hungry. Don't worry about me anymore, I won't let myself starve." He said, pulling the comforter while his eyes are closed. He really looks exhausted. I want so bad to know what does makes him this exhausted, but I think he really needs to get himself enough rest. I'll just ask him later once I get home from school.

"Okay," I sighed. "We'll talk about it later once I get home from school, can we?"

"I'll… try," he said huskily.

I scowl at his words. What does he mean? What does he mean about that he'll try? I sighed before turning my back at him. I reached for the doorknob and open the door.

"Please eat on time, okay?" I reminded him. "Or else… I'll be cooking vegetable that is enough for one big bowl and it'll serve as your food for the whole day." I threatened him, stifling my laugh.

"Ha!" He exhaled deeply while hugging me tightly. My eyes are dilated now because he suddenly back hug me as I was about to close the door. "Could you please think about yourself even just once, Sienna? You always think about us! I'm sure you needed your care too. So please…" his voice suddenly broke which caused me to unwrapped his arms on me so I can face him. My eyes widened when I saw that he was crying

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" I asked him softly.

He just chuckled and wipes his teary eyes. "Nothing. I'm just really tired."

I swallowed hard as I felt my heart overcrowded and the edges of my eyes heated. I really hate seeing him crying, it feels so heavy in my heart, "Can you please tell me why you felt so tired?"

Instead of answering me, he glances at the wall clock in his room. "You should go downstairs now, you'll be late if you keep on talking with me."

I didn't listen to him. "Tell me about that heavy thing you're carrying, big sister will do everything she could just to make it less heavy, okay? Please tell me. Please remember that always."

"I promised you'll be the one to know first if I'm not okay." He smiled at me but…

His eyes say otherwise.

I wiped the blob of tear that escapes from my eye. I held him in his shoulder. "I'll hold on to that promise then."

"Go downstairs now." He pushed me playfully.

"Get yourself enough rest."

"I will give myself enough rest." He said before closing his door.

I narrowed my eyes on his door as I felt my heart beats faster after hearing it.

"This is not a joke…" Olivia answered while sobbing.

Why did you do this, Nathan?!

"Where… where is his body now? We should bring it to the hospital! Maybe the doctors can still do something about it!" I kneeled on the ground weakly.

I don't know what to do anymore! I feel like I'm going crazy anytime today! There's a lot of questions running inside my head right now!

After Olivia answered that mom is in the hospital already with Nathan's body, I felt deaf. There's nothing I can hear anymore except for the blames to myself I got inside of my head. The next thing I knew is that I'm already inside Atticius' car with Olivia, heading to the said hospital where mom and Nathan is.

When we got into the room where Nathan's body was covered with a white cloth, I lose my hope.

I lose my hope upon seeing him talking to me again.

I lose my hope to see him…

alive…

"I'm so sorry, Nathan!" Mom's voice and sobs filled the whole room as she hugs my brother's dead body.

"Why did you say sorry now?" I can't help myself but ask her a question like that. "Do you feel sorry now? You shouldn't be! He's already dead! He can't hear you anymore! Where are those when he's still alive, huh?!" I yelled at her and slowly kneeled on the floor weakly.

"He wrote a letter for you." Mom handed me a white folded paper.