Bouquet

"That's right, baby. Let it out. Show what you really felt inside. Don't keep everything to yourself."

Atticus whispered to me as he embraced me. He then kissed my forehead repeatedly. The letter that Nathan wrote that I was holding earlier, is now wet because of my tears.

"How could he keep it all to himself?" I asked Atticus loudly. I don't know how to act anymore. Everything feels heavy and painful! "I... I was there for him! He could just tell me everything!" I cried on his chest.

I felt his hug tightened. I think he doesn't know what to say so he just did it to give me comfort.

"Am I a bad sister to him?" I asked him.

"No," he immediately answered. "You are a good sister to him. That's why he told you you're the best, right?"

"But I wasn't able to save him from doing it."

We both stayed quiet after that. I'm just looking on the tombstone the whole time. Until we felt a droplet of water falling onto our skin. That's the time we realized that it was already raining.

When Atticus unwrapped his arms on me, I thought he's going somewhere so he won't be drench from the rain. But instead, he held my hand causing me to look at him with so much wonder why.

"What are you doing-"

He cuts me off. "I told you that I'm going to be with you whether in the happiest or toughest seconds in your life, right?" He swallowed hard and licked his lower lip. "Here I am then, joining you in amidst of rain because it looks like you're gonna drench yourself in this rain."

My lips parted while looking at him. "What here on earth have I done and I was given a man like you?"

"It's because you're too kind." He said hoarsely. "You see now? These raindrops are Nathan's tears because he sees you from above that you were crying."

I looked up and narrowed my eyes after the raindrops fell on my face. We stayed there until the sun goes down. We're drenching as we step inside of his car. The good thing was the cover of his car isn't cloth. It's leatherette.

I only spoke to Atticus and Olivia. I didn't speak to mom. I don't know why but I feel like she's also one of the reasons why Nathan ended up suiciding. Dad also went back to his work the day after Nathan's funeral.

Every time I missed him, I just go to his room and lie down on his bed and hug his pillow. I always imagine that he was still there while I am closing my eyes. I always imagine that he's beside me.

One of my biggest regrets is I haven't slept with him back when he was still here... back when he was still alive.

Not until one night, I went out of my room to go to Nathan's room. I was about to get inside when I saw someone lying on his bed. When I saw a long golden hair, I didn't continue getting inside anymore since I already know it was mom.

No one in my school ever asked me about what happened. Maybe because they were scared that I would freak out. Or they see me as a different person starting from that day.

Molly and her friends didn't mess up me anymore. It was only Atticus who's always approaching me every snack time in our school's cafeteria.

"Where do you want to go today?" He asked me as he started to engine his car. Our classes just finished and luckily it was still early so he decided to drive me wherever I wanted to go.

"Nathan," I answered him shortly.

"Okay. We'll go to him. Good thing I brought the letter he wrote for me. You said you wanna know what he wrote for me, right?"

"Hmm," I nodded and fasten my seatbelt.

He started to run the car and I just kept on looking through the window. I sighed as we passed the malls where Nathan, Olivia, and I used to go way back when he's still alive. I stopped looking at the malls as our speed fastened until we stopped at a flower shop.

"Wait for me here. I'll just buy flowers that we can give to Nathan." He said before stepping out of the car.

I waited for him inside of his car like what he said. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned the side of my head on the window.

To Oli:

Hey, I might get home late. I'm going to Nathan's grave.

I informed Oli so she won't get worried about me. Right after I sent it, Atticus went back inside of the car. I scowled at him when I notice he didn't bring any flowers.

He glances at me before buckling his seatbelt. "What? Flowers?" He rose his brows at me. "I brought. It's in the back."

I stepped out of his car when we got in the cemetery. He said he'll be the one to bring the flower he brought so I headed to Nathan's grave. I take my seat on the grass. I took out the hanky inside my pocket and wiped his tombstone cautiously like I was wiping his face.

I wonder if he can see me.

I wonder how he's doing now.

I wonder if he also sees what I'm doing here.

I wonder if he really found his peace.

I wonder if he's now happy.

I wonder if he doesn't feel any pain there.

I almost jumped out when someone placed a bouquet beside his tombstone. I almost forgot that I got here with Atticus. But I was shocked when I saw that he's holding another bouquet. He kneeled on the ground to level me. I scowled when he handed it to me.

"Happy second anniversary, baby," he said before leaning closer to me to give me a swift kiss on my cheek.