Divorced

"Starting today it'll be only the three of us." Mom said in the middle of our breakfast.

"It's four, mom," Oli said while chewing her food.

I gasped at her answer. It hurts to see my sister having no idea that our parents are already…

"It is the only three of us only!" Mom said emphatically which made Oli stop chewing. "Your dad and I already divorced."

I was about to hold her hand under the table when she stood up and run upstairs.

"Shush, Oli," I whispered at her while caressing her back. "Big sister is here anyway," I said, hugging her tightly.

"Why… why do they have to divorce?" She asks me.

I swallowed hard and think about what I could answer to her. But honestly, I also asked that to myself…

Why do they have to divorce?

Why do they have to choose that like they don't have children to be affected about?

Pain.

That's all I can say about it.

"Big sister will be here. And that is always." The only words I was able to answer her.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Atticus asked once he answered my call.

It is already quarter to ten in the evening now. I know it is sort of late now but I can't sleep. I need someone to talk to. I cannot handle this all alone by myself.

"My parents…" I wasn't able to complete my sentence anymore when my tears descended and I can't help but sob.

"What happened to your parents?" His voice was full of worries. "Tell me, baby."

"D-divorced…"

"Baby, I am sorry but I don't know what to say."

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything though." I smiled and wipe my tears.

I am in Nathan's room now. I always came here whenever I missed him. But tonight, it is also because I don't want Oli to hear me crying. I don't want Oli to know that everything that's happening in our family right now was also too much for me to handle alone.

Because I have to look strong in her eyes.

I have to, so she'll lean on me.

Because if I am not, then whom will she lean on?

"I don't know why life is being like this to us." I chuckled to hide the bitterness in my voice. "Nathan left us, mom resigned in the supermarket she's working on, dad lost his job… and they divorced." I shook my head. "I do not know what to do now." I covered my face with my hand while the other one is holding my phone.

"Do you want me to go to your place right now?"

I shook my head. "No, don't. There's no need." I wiped my tears. "It's also late now. Let's just see each other tomorrow instead."

He sighed. "Okay, baby."

There are still a lot of things I wanted to tell him but I just don't know where to start.

"I have to look strong for Oli," I said while staring on the floor. "No. Not for Oli only… but also for mom."

Yeah, for mom also.

"Yeah. You should." He agrees. "But if you need someone to lean on, I am just here, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks, by." I smiled.

"You are always welcome." I nodded while listening to him.

"Tell me also if you need someone to lean on, 'kay?"

We'll have each other…

"I will," he shortly responded. "I love you…" he trailed off. "…so much."

"I love you too," I said, closing my eyes.

I went back to my room that night. I even closed the door cautiously, trying not to make any sound that'll awake Oli. I draw near to her and leaned on to kiss her on her forehead.

"Just lean on me, Oli," I whispered.

Days turn months and months turn into years. Mom really changed. After their divorce, she finds a new job. Her salary is quite now big which makes our life kind of easy now…

"Mom," I called her once I got home and saw her falling asleep on the couch.

I got home late tonight because I attended a birthday party of a close friend. I am in college now and somehow I gain friends. True friends.

"Mom, I'm home. I'm sorry for making you wait-" I stopped talking when a bottle of liquor placed on our center table caught my attention.

"Oh, you're home…" she said in a sleepy voice. "Go to your room now. You must be tired-"

I cut her off. "Since when did you just started to drink?"

From lying on the couch she seated and get the liquor away from my hand. Her eyes shined in panic as she puts it beside the couch like it wasn't too late for me to see it.

"Oh… uh…" I can tell she's lost for words.

"Are you okay?" I asked her worriedly.

"I am. I am." She said repeatedly while nodding.

"You don't look like you are."

She glanced at the clock. "Oh, it's already late! Go to your room now, Sienna." She urged.

I sighed heavily. I looked at her straightly in her eyes.

There's something… behind those deep-set eyes, she's hiding.

"I am not going to my room until you tell me that you're not okay," I said and sat properly on the couch, facing her.

She sighed. She took out her liquor from the side of the couch. She poured it on her shot glass.

I am even shocked to see that the bottle is already empty after she poured it. That explains she's drinking it lately, alone!

"Do you think he already forgives me?" She suddenly asked.

I didn't answer right away. I don't know who's she's talking about. Nathan or dad?

"It haunts me every night. It haunts me every night that your father was right…" she drank her liquor. "…that I am a bad mother." She smiled bitterly.

I immediately shook my head. She wasn't an ideal mom, but that doesn't mean she's already bad!

"Don't say that! You're not!"

"You know what, I won't mind if you'll agree to your dad." She gave me a small smile. "I should've listened to you back then. That time when you asked me to say sorry to Nathan." She looks at our ceiling and stared at it before closing her eyes.

And slowly… a liquid fell from her eye.

"I should've told him that I love him… That I don't hate him…" Her voice shook. "That I only said and did those things because I wanted him to be a better person…"