Chapter 3

Aria

Laying in my hotel bed, I zoned out at the sky through the windows of the balcony doors. After the shooting, I finally got to my things. Our place was under investigation of because that's where Carnell bled out at. I called Bree to let her know what was going on. She didn't call me or anything during those few days so that let me know she didn't even go home and that she most likely stayed at Jacob's. She was currently on her way here to keep me company. I haven't told her about me and Carnell dating in the past or anything that I've found out yet.

It's been two weeks now and I needed to talk to someone other than this therapist I was seeing now . I haven't heard from or seen my mom since before all this and it's got me thinking.

My parents were married for twenty-five years. They divorced after I graduated college. Ad least that's what my mom told me. After the Divorce my mom was in and out of my life, but hey she was like that my whole life. During these last few weeks my therapist has been doing some techniques to help me remember and let me tell you.. it's working.

I don't remember every single detail but if I keep going, I'm sure I will. My first memory was the crash. I don't like remembering much cause it comes back as a nightmare. I go through the whole experience again but in my mind. It's like being in the sunken place and something else is taking over your body. Knocking me out of my thoughts, someone was knocking at the door.

I know Bree said she was coming but she didn't say what time either. Getting out of the bed, I looked at myself quickly in the mirror. Fixing my bed hair and my clothes a lil bit. I wore all black Nike tights with a black and purple Nike hoodie. My hair was straightened and my face was fresh but slightly pink and puffy from some crying. Walking to the door I opened it and seen Bree and Carnell.

Letting them in, I walked over to the bed leaving them to sit in the lingering chairs.

"How you feeling sis?" Bree asked

"Just sad for the most part. I'm lost and confused. It's like I don't even know myself." I sighed

"How have you been dealing with all this?" She asked

"I've been just writing. I can't seem to do to much else." I said wiping my face with my hands

"I have to tell you something sissy.." Bree said adjusting herself in the chair

I did not like the sound of that and that her tone matched her face. Not saying a word, I let her talk.

"Your mom passed away about a month ago. She was found in her apartment yesterday, she killed herself. I got a phone call from my mom this morning."

All I could do was blink. I looked to Carnell and he looked unsure if he should comfort me. Him being hesitant and looking unsure made me wonder my relationship with my mom.

I couldn't even cry. Not because I was overwhelmed but because I just couldn't remember any love from her. Being around her was like being around a co-worker or someone you see here and there and don't have a care in the world what they are doing but your fine with knowing they are alive and okay. She's my mother. She's suppose to be a girl's best friend. How do you handle something like this. Speechless for words right now.

"Are you okay?" Carnell said

"I don't know how I'm suppose to feel? I don't feel hurt , I'm bummed that she's gone but between what I can remember and how she's been since the after the accident. She wasn't ready to be a mother but she did ad least try." I said shrugging

"I've also been doing some therapy for the last few weeks to help me remember what my life was like then." I admitted

"And??" Bre said waiting for me to continue

"I remember the accident specifically. I was six and a half months pregnant and I remembered that Carnell wanted to go on a picnic. You wanted to go so bad it annoyed me." I said slight jokingly, lightly chuckling "So, we went. We were on the expressway and there was this trailer truck coming out direction swerving. I mean it was scary watching it play out but I do remember and I remember my college years." I said trying not to cry "Carnell was my boyfriend throughout the years."

"Wow, I cannot believe your life right now. I'm sorry you have to go through this." B said sitting on the bed next to me giving me a hug

"I'm sorry too. All I ever wanted was a family. My parents didn't even have to be together but to have them both dead. What do I do now?" I said as I felt my tears falling

Again, nothing against Carnell and our life before the accident but imagine remembering the one and only thing made you forget your WHOLE life. I'm being extremely reasonable with this because I can tell Carnell is making an effort. He's there and I understood why

"Awe sissy, I'm going to go to the lobby to get you a few things you'll need for later." She said. I nodded as she walked out the hotel room leaving me and Carnell

"Listen" Carnell said grabbing both my hands which was a bold move from my end

"Life goes on without explanation ma. You'll have a lot of questions that will not be answered by the time you leave this earth. Just because you didn't live the perfect life doesn't mean you can't give that perfect life to someone else. Don't ever look at the bad because of what people couldn't do for you."

He rubbed over my hands repeatedly before letting go. I could tell that I hurt him but what could I do? I don't know my feelings towards him because it so based off the past and the accident.

"I'm not sure where my feelings stand with you Carnell. I don't wanna gain those same feelings again. I know we've been through a lot with the lost of our baby and the accident. Just us being together for so long overall. We got to move forward but in a different direction. You have to learn me as much as I have to learn you. We aren't the same people we were five years ago." I said truthfully

I know I wasn't. I didn't realize it much but during those five years, I just thought I'd finished school. I didn't remember anything else that I've done with just me and another person. I wasn't the same. I had to start all over again. I had to remember my name I had to go to speech therapy. That accident really fucked us up.

"Your right. I'm okay with doing just that. It's a step forward." He said nodding "I'm really sorry about your mom."

I nodded giving a small smile. She never showed up to the hospital that night. I know why now. I wonder what made her kill herself? That was questionable. Why was it so bad that Carnell and I was together? I had a lot of questions but I just wanted my life back. Well the one I remembered before Carnell came back. I wanted things to be normal and it wasn't. So much has happened this past month I can't even stomach.

-

Carnell

I got a phone call from SaBre earlier this morning. She told me that she was trying to contact Aria but no answer and since I was the last one to be seen with her she reached out. I texted her the hotel address and met her here. She gave me a heads up on Aria's mom. In all honesty felt so bad for her in this moment. I wanted her pain to go away. All I honestly wanted was to be with her.

It's been a month exactly since we "met" but it just seems as if we hadn't had enough time to really start on a clean slate. Or talk about it even.

"So, what are you doing for rest of the night?" I asked

My plan was to try and stay the night. I wanted to learn more about her. Well the new her. I was so surprised how she remembered the accident. I was even more surprised that she went to therapy. Over the weeks we've texted due to me still healing from my wounds, this was the second time we've seen each other outside of FaceTime since the hospital.

"Uh, I'm not going anywhere that's for sure. I made a few calls and I will be off work for the next month. I need some time to get my mind right. So once I'm clear, I'll go back."

All I could think about is her seeing me bleeding out on her front door step. Lifeless damn near yet again. How was this going to get me my girl back if I'm always almost dead??

"That's good. Your mental health is important... Can I ask a question?" I asked

She went to open her mouth, but I cut her off.

"You better not say it." I said smirking

"What! That technically was a question." She said chuckling

"I said don't say it and you say it anyways." I said laughing a little

" I'm listening." She said pulling her hair back behind her ear

I found it adorable when she'd act all shy. Soon after Bree walked into the room with handful of bags.

"Sis, what did you buy?" Ari said laughing

"Well, the lobby store was closed so I went to the Shoprite down the street." She said laughing before finishing "I was out and I figured that grab I'd buy some food for your kitchen and I bought more stuff you'll need because we can't go back to our place. We have to move out indefinitely and I'll be at Jacobs until we figure out our next move. It has to be soon cause we need a place to stay."

Damn, if it ain't one thing it's another for this girl. I sighed shaking my head.

"You can stay with me Aria." I blurted out

What the fuck is wrong with me? It's like my mouth is moving faster then my brain could process the thought. Though waiting for a response they both were looking at me.

"Umm, I don't know." She said fiddling with her fingers

"It'll be a load off you. No bills so you don't have to pay. The house is big enough, I have more than enough space. You could stay on the other side of the house if you don't wanna see me." I already let the cat out of the bag. I got to hold my weight now.

"That's really nice of you. I'm her friend first but why you being so nice to her?" Bree asked me

"You only got a whiff of what we went through. I got a full memory. We damn near grew up together. We were going to have a family. I almost married this woman. I'd never do anything purposely to hurt her. Even if that means I have to learn her all over again." I explained in all seriousness

No offense to her friend but no one can chump me about Aria. She's my lady. Always will be. I fought hard for her. She's literally ALL I know.

"I didn't know it goes that deep. I just don't wanna see her hurt. I don't want anything to happen to her. We're literally all we got." She said which I understood

"I'm the least of your worries. She's all I know. Like I said. I'd never hurt her purposely." I said

It's good to see a friend to actually have her back. The ones before are no longer around I've noticed. I wonder if this is the girl she fell off with? I didn't question it.

"Anyways, I gotta get going. I'll call you tomorrow to check on you." She said giving Aria a hug

"Bye Carnell." She said waving , I made sure to wave back before she left out

"Can I stay with you tonight?" I asked Aria benching back to our previous conversation

"What are you up to?" She asked me

"Well, we never took that nap date and I'm too tired to drive home."

It was silent while she looked at me with a straight face.

"Yea , you can stay. Don't try anything." She said pointing at me before running her fingers through her hair

"I wouldn't try anything on the first date." I said smirking

"Oh, you just think you so cute huh?"

"You said it not me." I said shrugging while getting up

"I'm going to go get my bag from my car I'll be right back." I said walking towards the door

"Alright, here." She said going over to the nightstand handing me what I'm guessing is the room key

"You don't think it's too soon for you to be giving me keys to your place?" I said jokingly before running out

"Boy shut up!" I started laughing as she tossed something at me but I was already out the door

Things can only go up from here and I'm praying on it.