- Alone -

Right after leaving the tent, I aimlessly found myself by the railway tracks, away from all the noise coming from the circus. The fear that resurfaced during the performance clawed my mind as I wasn't able to push back the dark memories.

Finally, after what felt like hours, I sat down at the edge of the railway tracks, hugging my knees and allowing myself to stare at the starlit sky. I heaved a shaky sigh, becoming lost in thought...

I should already be used to a near-death experience. Used to the taste of it. Used to the feeling of it.

But why every single time it becomes even more frightening?

Perhaps death was my destiny? I mean...

In this world, I'm all alone. My parents abandoned me when I was eight and the nuns didn't fill in the space to be loved and comforted. They only added flame to the bleeding wound.

To top all this fate, I ended up in prison before I could experience the life of an adult when I turned eighteen.

My life brought me continuous misfortunes which made me question... What's the use of such an unfortunate life?

Blinking, my gaze laid upon my left wrist that had a few streaks of scar carved on my skin. It was the work of a knife. The same type of knife that Baekhyun aimed at me. The scars on my wrist were one of the many reasons why panic swallowed me whole on stage.

Slowly, I fluttered my eyes open as the beaming sun caused me to close them again. Only after a few more blinks, my eyes adjusted to the light and surroundings.

I couldn't move. I couldn't walk. I was in the prison yard. Tied up to the pole as a punishment while the summer sun was heating me up and making me thirsty... Yet no matter how much I desired... I won't receive even a drop of water.

It's been three days... How much longer will this torture last? Even the tears in my eyes dried out so I've got none left to cry.

A bell ringing throughout the place made me aware that it was time for prisoners to enter the yard. My breath immediately increased as I squirmed in a tight hold of the ropes, knowing what's coming for me.

My efforts were useless though... And a complete waste of energy when my predator was already shadowing me from the burning sun.

"So, little pup.", Hoon lifted my chin, smirking deviously at my misery, "Am I going to hear your apology now?"

I shoved away from his hand away from my chin by moving my head to the side and then turning back to spit in his face, muttering angrily, "I'd much rather take a piss on you than apologise."

Hoon clenched his jaw, slowly wiping away my spit dripping down his cheek, and harshly gripped both of my cheeks with one hand and pulling out a knife.

"You know, sweetheart. You'd be sleeping in your prison cell if you only apologised for insulting me.", Hoon laughed while playing with his knife in hand.

I laughed back unamused in return, "Insult? I'd say it's more of a compliment. You are the loser hiding behind the guards' backs.", I didn't care about what I was saying anymore. I was aware that one way or another, I will not survive.

Just then I felt a single blow in my head because Hoon slapped me harshly as my head snapped to the side, my cheek thumping from a burning sensation.

"I was considering to not hurt you, sweetheart. But now I just see that you are asking for it.", with these words Hoon grabbed my wrist and began tracing the blade of the knife against my skin, cutting right through it as the blood started gushing out.

Instantly, I bit my lips trying to restrict my screams as Hoon gave a few more streaks of cuts all while chanting in a singing manner, "The scars will never let you be happy. No man will desire you. No man will want to marry you, Scars are a curse. I'm your curse."

At last, a scream erupted out of my mouth, the first few tears rolled down my cheeks as I squirmed in my place. It was Hoon's and other prisoners' like him satisfaction... To hear me using my voice as though it would suppress my pain and torture. It was like a plead of help but I knew better.

No one is my saviour at this pool of hell. Only I can save myself. I knew how to escape. I had to wait just a little more until I'm done being tied up in this yard.

"That's it, sweetheart. You do know what pain feels like. Scream as much as you want. No one will hear you...", Hoon snickered in a psychotic manner before emphasising the brutal truth, "Because in this world, you are nothing. Not even a speck of dust."

I closed my eyes at the memory. That place crumbled the last pieces of any valuable emotion that I used to have. Deep down I used to tell myself that they never succeeded in breaking me down.

But just take a glance at me now.

Ruined.

The images of the past will always haunt me no matter if I escaped. A warm liquid ran down my cheeks, coming to terms with the fact I'm lingering in this place all alone and watering the ground with my salty tears.

How many times I wished that someone would be there for me. Someone who would sit here with me, telling me that it's going to be fine, and wiping those tears while encouraging me to keep going. Is this too much to dream about? But I knew better.

The world is no fantasy with a happily ever after.

I must face it quietly with a smile and wait silently for my destiny to crash unexpectedly. For now, I will allow my tears to flow like a restless river.

As long as no one sees me.

-Author's POV-

Meanwhile, the rest of the crew were celebrating a successful night over some food and drinks. They were all equally as content, however, Baekhyun was the happiest out of all of them.

Baekhyun jugged the contents of soju down his throat before placing the glass on the table with a loud thump, bragging proudly, "I thought that this night will be a flop due to the new target but Areum handled it really well! I'm so proud of her!"

"You talk about her a lot this evening, Baekhyun-shi~", Yeosang pointed out while taking a bite of his garlic flavoured bread and then asked teasingly to support his previous statement, "Perhaps you like her?"

Baekhyun shook his head, "I care for her like a brother. The person that I love, cherish and adore is right beside me.", Baekhyun grinned cutely, gently elbowing Jiu while leaning towards her cutely as Jiu only backed away from him.

Jiu rolled her eyes and pushed him away, blushing slightly, "Bacon, you're embarrassing me!", she exclaimed nervously.

Baekhyun was never the one to be ashamed to express his love for Jiu. He pouted, faking a disappointment, "When are you going to give that bloody heart of yours? I'm still waiting!"

Jiu shook her head, clearly dismissing his words while others laughed at the scene in front of them. Jiu's and Baekhyun's relationship was like a soap drama in others' eyes.

Only Yeosang who was quietly eating has begun scanning around the area, searching for certain someone, "Speaking of Areum, she never sits with us here even though she is more than welcome.", Yeosang said now stopping looking around for Areum who was nowhere to be seen.

Soojin was the first one to fire back, the irritation leaking from her voice, "Who cares about her anyway? You all are putting too many hopes in her. I bet a hundred bucks that she will fail miserably.", she said while still remembering their encounter back in the tent. Soojin still held a grudge against Areum ever since.

"Why do you hate her so much anyway? It's not like she did anything to you.", Jiu stated as a matter of fact while looking at Soojin questioningly.

"I just have a bad feeling about her.", Soojin offered a reasonable explanation and then elaborated, "She just showed up here out of nowhere, claiming that she ran away from home when she's twenty years old and should already be living her life, not live with her family. On top of that Jungkook seems to take an interest in her which is very bizarre."

Taemin snickered slightly before pushing Soojin a bit, causing her almost fall from the chair so she glared at him who found her words funny, "You know you're being delusional, Soojin-ah. Boss treats everyone the same like he always had. Just say that you're jealous. End of discussion.", still laughing Taemin scooped his meat and ate in amusement.

Soojin watched him, displeased by his words before spitting, "Oh really?", she asked in disbelief and continued, "Then how will you explain the fact that I saw a small smile on his face when he was teaching her the other day?"

At the same moment when Soojin asked, Baekhyun started choking on his drink and almost spat out the contents from his mouth. The rest of them were also taken aback by her claims.

"You're bloody hallucinating! Boss never smiles unless it's a performance.", Baekhyun exclaimed, clearly not being able to bring himself to believe Soojin while he still coughed from choking on his food.

Yeosang chuckled, remembering that Jungkook asked him to treat Areum's wounds not too long ago. For him, the idea of Jungkook smiling didn't appear to be that crazy all of a sudden.

However, Yeosang decided to keep quiet about that and not mention it to others. He didn't like gossiping that much.

Baekhyun's witty eyes on the other did not miss Yeosang's mischievous expression, "Yah, homie. Why the hell are you grinning like a damn idiot?", he asked Yeosang who was in his own world.

Yeosang just shrugged as a smirk painted his lips, "I don't know. Maybe because I'm enjoying the sight of you choking.", he teased.

"Hey that's not very nice!", Baekhyun whined at Yeosang's cruel words at his unfortunate situation meanwhile everyone just laughed at poor Bacon who kept pouting because of their mocking remarks, "You know what?! Mock me as much as you wish but from now on Areum is a genie because she made our amazing boss smile! I'm happy!"

"So, your wish was to see Jungkook smile?", Yeosang's eyebrows shot up as he peered at Baekhyun and sipped his water.

"Exactly!", Baekhyun threw his hands in the air briefly before letting them down to his lap again, "I mean it's a rare sight!", he brought a cup of alcohol to his mouth, gulping a little bit of it and scrunching his face because of the bitterness.

Momentarily Jiu took away his drink while saying, "Bacon, I think it's enough of alcohol for you tonight.", Baekhyun's jaw dropped as he felt that he was being treated like a child.

Yeosang agreed, "Yeah, you better shut up or Jungkook might hear you. Very accidentally.", he warned suggestively as Baekhyun knitted his eyes at him, not liking Yeosang's attitude at all.

"If you dare to say something to him, I'm going to invite you to my own casket."

The next morning...

The sun has begun replacing the moon and Areum was already awake for the training session with Jiu. Areum ended up not sleeping all night as she was too absorbed by emotions to be able to fall asleep.

They were running a few laps around the setting of the circus this morning as warm up before stretching and weight lifting exercises.

Jiu kept glancing at Areum who had a blank expression on her face but her swollen eyes made it even worse. The two of them didn't exchange any words when they met and just started their training in silence.

Despite that, Jiu couldn't stand this silence anymore so she asked while still running in tact with her," Areum, are you alright? You seem a bit off."

Areum visibly snapped back from her blank state, "Huh?", she let out and turned her head to Jiu, finally realising what she was asked and smiled brightly, "Oh yeah, I'm perfectly fine."

"You did great yesterday. Bacon kept on praising you at dinner after the performance.", Jiu praise Areum in hopes to cheer her up because despite Areum's smile, Jiu knew that she felt a bit down after the performance. Jiu was aware of Areum's outburst at Jungkook.

Areum laughed awkwardly, "Well, I guess praying to Satans paid off.", they stopped as they finished running their distance. Both girls panted while holding on to their knees.

Jiu was still curious about Areum's whereabouts after the performance so she didn't hesitate and asked, "Where did you disappear yesterday after the performance? We were eager to have you around at dinner."

Areum wiped the sweat covering her forehead, shrugging, "I don't know. I'm usually not welcome anywhere so I just walk around here and there.", Areum explained and as sad as it sounded, it was true. She never felt welcome anywhere so she assumed that here it would be the same.

"But you know, it came to some use because I discovered so many cows in the fields!", Areum attempted to brighten up the gloomed early morning atmosphere, "I swear, I just need one eye contact with one of them and it's going to be a love from the first sight!", Jiu chuckled in amusement because of Areum's sudden exhilaration.

It was Jiu's very first encounter with a person who obsesses over cows so much. She approached Areum and patted her shoulder friendly, "Areum, you're more than welcome to sit with us. Remember that. Next time if I don't see you, I'll drug you there, alright?", Jiu warned Areum in a playful manner.

Areum just chuckled, not being able to take Jiu seriously but still ended up nodding her head. At the same time, Areum was swayed by Jiu's kindness and without hesitation expressed, "Jiu, all you need are wings and a halo. You're very kind."

"Kindness is given only to those who deserve it. And you surely do.", Jiu gave a toothy grin and they started walking back to the tent to continue with their training.

On the way back, Jiu could not help but question since she doesn't get that many occasions to talk to Areum because of her training, "So... Does the Boss go hard on you?"

Areum didn't answer immediately, taking her time to gather her thoughts about Jungkook. Jiu's question resurfaced the memories of yesterday's outburst after the performance.

The fear led Areum to abandon all facades she carved upon herself and showed just a tiny part of her real self to Jungkook merely with that outburst.

She hoped that it slid through his eyes.

"He is hard on me but it's fun at the same time.", Areum admitted with a mild chuckle, continuing her point, "Jungkook tends to lose his chill when I keep pushing for questions. It's a bit entertaining."

"I can see why. You're quite curious about a lot of things, not to mention the enthusiasm that comes with it.", Jiu said, agreeing with Areum and then emphasising, "You're a complete opposite of Jungkook."

"But sometimes you should be careful with your words, Areum.", Jiu then spoke seriously. Although she liked the fact that Areum didn't hold any hard feelings on Jungkook because of his behaviour, Jiu still wanted Areum to be vigilant of her words and actions, "Boss' patience isn't made of steel."

Areum heaved a sigh, "I'm aware of that, Jiu. But no matter what, Jungkook will never scare me as much as he scares you all. That's why I'm not afraid to ask him anything that bothers my head.", she argued while walking with Jiu on the pathway, staring at the fields further from circus setting.

"You know, Jiu...", Areum started, trailing off for a few moments and then continued, "I don't regret what I said yesterday. I don't believe that I'm wrong.", she said confidently, nodding to herself.

"We are okay with Jungkook not praising us, Areum. Some people are just that way.", Jiu defended Jungkook's side, aware that his behaviour wasn't always like that and he's just being reserved and distant.

"If you really want to hold a place in Circus Mistique, you must comply with everything or life here will be difficult.", Jiu advised her, genuinely wishing that Areum will understand that Jungkook will not change any time soon.

Areum laughed ironically while shaking her head, "Life can't get any more difficult for me, Jiu. Just look at that cow making me feel like a potato!", she pointed at the cows herd further away in the fields, fake sobbing now while holding her face dramatically.

Jiu couldn't help but let go of the tense atmosphere and join Areum by laughing and forgetting this conversation within a blink.

The same evening...

Areum made her way to the fields as one of the crew members informed her that Jungkook wishes to see her. So, here she was.

The field was very beautiful, colourful flowers blooming on this warm summer day and the green grass contrasting the beauty of them. Yet, Areum found it unusual that Jungkook requested her to be present here.

Areum was already exhausted after the whole day training, as well as the fact that she didn't get any sleep. She spotted Jungkook looking at the distance while his back faced her.

She cleared her throat, "You requested for my presence, Boss?", she initiated her presence with this question, not sure what Jungkook is thinking or what his mood is like today.

Jungkook spoke without turning around, "I was expecting you to return to the caravan yesterday as I had some matters to discuss.", his tone didn't indicate anything positive in his mood.

"Well, I'm unable to read your mind, Boss.", Areum said, feeling a bit annoyed by Jungkook's instant bossy attitude.

"I don't like that attitude, Hyun Areum. Just like the insolence that you showed yesterday.", Jungkook responded neutrally with his hands behind his back as he turned around to face Areum, beading his eyes at her tired figure.

"I will not apologise for that. I don't feel like I said anything wrong. Deal with it.", Areum noticed Jungkook's unsatisfied expression but she did not care, desiring to show that she can have her opinion as well.

"Sure, I'll deal with it. By not taking your insolence into account.", Jungkook concluded bluntly before coming closer towards her who did not move out of her place.

"The reason I wished to see you is that I would like to teach you dancing since I've got an idea for a performance. And for that I idea, unfortunately, I need a partner.", Jungkook proceeded to get to the point but then clarified one fact, "Which will happen if you pass the exam."

"Then why would you teach me now?", Areum couldn't comprehend his reason behind wanting to teach dancing when there was a possibility that she'll fail the exam.

"Just in case. And I'll only explain the basics, just so you would be aware of what it involves.", Jungkook responded with a valid reasoning. Areum nodded slowly but then another question popped up.

"But why choose me for a partner? There is Jiu and Soojin who would gladly assist you.", Areum had a point in her argument. Why would Jungkook choose someone inexperienced like her?

"I don't want them. I want you.", Jungkook concluded bluntly with no further explanation and then announced, "Let's get started."

Areum let out a breath of disbelief before giving up in questioning his decisions with a, "Fine."

With a slow pace, Jungkook began walking behind Areum, explaining, "Dancing requires one to appear powerful in your movements.", Jungkook smoothly described the dancing as Areum heard him treading behind her.

"Despite the power in movements, you have to appear graceful and effortless.", Areum slightly flinched when his voice was close to her ear, low enough to send tingly shivers embracing her as a whole.

Jungkook slowly slid his big hands on her narrow shoulders, speaking once again in a criticising manner, "Your body is too stiff right now. You need to relax the tension in your shoulders.", Jungkook still held his hands on to her shoulders as Areum let out a breath, relieving the tension in her shoulders.

"Good.", Jungkook said contently as he trailed his hands down her back to gently grip Areum's waist, their bodies inches away from colliding, "Straighten your back, Areum.", Jungkook ordered, this time in a whisper as only Areum's name left his lips this time with no formalities like Jungkook would usually do.

It's as though Jungkook lost his mind for a moment due to unintended closeness of the woman in front of him. For the first time, Jungkook felt something in his stomach when around Areum.

His own confused state was disrupted when Areum straightened her back like he asked. She was weirdly flustered by Jungkook's proximity, not even sure how to react.

Jungkook withdrew slowly from Areum coming back to face her as Areum let out a breath she was holding all this time.

"This pattern also applies to trapeze. Your next part is to become less stiff and work on your posture. Is that clear?", Jungkook spoke, trying to act unbothered by the position they were in just a few seconds ago.

"I understand, Boss. But can I ask?", Areum composed herself as well, anticipating for Jungkook's permission to ask. And to her fortune, Jungkook nodded in approval. "What's the idea for your performance?"

Jungkook stared at her tiredly before placing his hand under her chin, tilting her head up while leaning closer to her face, "You will find out the answer to your question if you pass your mock, Hyun Areum."

Their eyes gazed at each other cluelessly as to why so much tension is radiating between them. But Areum currently was concerned about how tired Jungkook was. For the past two weeks, he had been sleeping uncomfortably on the chair and sacrificing the comfort of his bed to Areum.

She felt guilty for it. She never asked him to let her sleep in his caravan when she made it crystal clear that she's okay with staying outside.

"You need to rest because you seem exhausted.", Areum stated without thinking and then only realised that she probably shouldn't have said that because now a frown was drawn over Jungkook's sharp features. He took a step away from her.

"This shouldn't concern you, Hyun Areum. Mind your own business.", Jungkook gritted out annoyed and passed Areum, making his way back to the circus setting.

Areum however could not stand his dismissing orders so she turned around and shot back, "It's not bugging into one's business when you are concerned about someone, Jungkook.", his name left her lips and she covered her mouth quickly, clearly not intending to address him that way.

Jungkook halted as soon as he heard his own name being mentioned.

He wasn't happy, he felt anger boiling from within so he turned around and expressed it right away with no filter, "You have no right to be concerned about my life, Hyun Areum. You are nothing. Not a friend or even acquaintance. Nothing. I don't want you to address my name again or else there will be consequences."

While Jungkook left Areum standing in the middle of the field, Areum felt her soul sheared a little bit more, hearing yet another person remind her that she holds no place in this world. Areum let out a sigh of defeat, not even fighting the dejection. The only difference now is that...

She will not shed a single tear anymore.

After all, people are born alone and die alone, becoming nothing but a waste underground.