- Behind the Show -

-Areum's POV-

Without wasting a second longer, I vanished to the caravans' park and plopped down on the ground leaning against one of them with a journal and pencil in my hands.

There was no time left for me to think of what to create. I had only one option left…

To use my own painful memories to compose a show.

I knew exactly from which memory to start. I had no choice. It's a matter of either dying or choosing to suffer as a result of reliving these unhappy memories through the show that everyone will laugh at.

Is that what survival takes?

To make your life a laughing stock?

My mind slowly slipped to the day eight years ago. I was twelve years old. It was the beginning of my near-death experiences…

-8 years ago-

It was a normal day in a nunnery.

Today's the fourth year ever since my parents abandoned me within these stone walls of the nunnery. My eyes never caught a glimpse of my parents from the moment I stepped into this territory.

From day one, my life began crumbling down here.

At this moment, while running in the yard amongst other kids with a bright grin on my face, I somehow managed to smash one of the vases that were near the entrance.

Adrenaline rushed through my body like thunder lighting the sky momentarily, knowing too well what waits for me since today it was the head of the nuns watching over us.

She had no heart or humanity. One mistake and you pray for your life.

And of course, the smashed vase didn't slip through her eyes because her rusty yet loud voice yelled from distance, "Hyun Areum!"

That voice caused my child's heart to explode and eyes emerging wide from fear. My body urged me to run fast for safety but my mind tells me to remain in my place due to fear of being disobedient.

There was only one thing I could do: pray that the nun spares my life.

As soon as the nun marched aggressively towards me, she grabbed my neck and yanked me on the ground, near the shattered pieces of the vase and I groaned in pain from the impact of falling.

"Is that how you choose to behave after we provide a roof for a nuisance like you?!", she still had a tight grip on my neck, forcing me to look at the shatters that were once a vase holding fresh summer flowers.

I didn't say anything in response and just stared at the ground, not even lifting my head to look at my predator. This nun would always burst at me for no reason most of the time so I just stopped apologising and explaining myself…

"I bear you enough, Hyun Areum. I shall demonstrate to you what happens when you tear my last bit of patience.", her threatening tone rang through my ears like death bells during execution.

Still holding the back of my neck, she harshly and forcefully made to get up and dragged me towards what seemed a massive bucket filled with water.

Panic started engulfing me as I squirmed in the nun's tight grip but with no success to get away as she made it even more difficult when she grabbed my ear lobe.

However, I didn't give up and used all of my strength and pushed myself away from her hold, the force causing me to stumble on the floor again and scratch my bare knees till it bled. The injury didn't bother me at the moment as I was concerned about moving backward from the nun while sitting.

The nun was outraged by my actions, "Come back here you brat!"

I couldn't manage to move far when her hand found my neck again and immediately dragged me to the front of the huge water bucket. The nun then gripped on my hair and pulled me closer to her wrinkly face, smiling psychotically, "Your face might be loveable but your parents threw you out. Now you're in my presence as an orphan."

I was shaking and tears were threatening to escape my eyes but I managed to suck them in, not wanting to provide satisfaction to this cruel woman who wished to witness my hopeless state.

I glanced in the direction where other children were silently spectating the scene of my punishment, fear, and reluctance blinding their eyes and making them unable to help me.

"That's right, Hyun Areum. Just like them, you'll learn to become a nothing here.", she kept ridiculing me as she noticed my gaze fixed on the rest of the children.

Soon, my gaze was torn off from that direction… And forcing my head into the bucket.

Drowning me.

Desperately, I was struggling to push myself back with my hand, feeling my eyes being burned as they came into contact with water. But the old woman's force was incompatible…

Fighting back was equal to sacrificing excess amounts of oxygen and as each second exploded into a deafening sound of me gurgling in the water, my head started pounding and every cell was begging for a sip of air.

With all my strength, I resisted inhaling but not inhaling inflicts the dizziness within my head. And unconsciously…

I take a breath.

My chest immediately has begun burning and my scream went unheard in the water. Soon it didn't hurt anymore.

My vision blurred as my body began shutting down and my arms went lip, releasing the grip at the edges of the bucket.

Just then before completely blacking out, I felt myself being pulled out and shoved on the ground yet once again.

The nun nudged me with her leg nonchalantly, checking whether I was alive and when she realised that I am, she spat on me before leaving me laying on my side coughing out water.

Gasping for oxygen I shifted on my back, laying on the dirty ground and facing the sky that was about to burst in tears. My blurred vision caught sight of crows flying in the air, expectant to feast on some flesh with their sharp beaks.

The tears that I held in all this time, finally slid down my cheeks but went unnoticed as it started raining. A quiet yet agonised laugh erupted from my mouth suddenly.

On this day, the image of God's existence died in my mind…

If I was God's child, he wouldn't have sent me to live this life.

I'm all alone.

Condemned to a tragic fate.

I feel so cold… So useless…

"This world is a realm of Satan, God is just an illusion for fools…", I muttered as I choked on my own tears.

I concluded the script with a heavy heart. I was in a debate once again as to why am I even here? What am I trying to prove?

Will this make my life less of a burden than it already is? I ran my eyes over the script once again, biting my lip from the vast disgust that was caused by this memory.

But if that's what it takes to stay then I will try. I sighed, saying to myself in determination, "My sorrowful story will be hidden behind the curtains and masked by an entertaining façade."

With that being said, I stood up and started to rehearse and practice the method of how I will act out the performance.

I continued practicing all night long with no breaks.

3.04 am

-Jungkook's POV-

I stepped out of the caravan, unable to put myself to sleep, knowing that Areum was absent in her bed. I would always tell her to come back by midnight but she never listens.

It was still dark but I didn't fail to spot Areum desperately scribbling on her journal.

I shook my head slightly, thinking that the primary factor that led to her failure was tiredness and yet here she was not learning from her mistakes.

The weather was chilly but that didn't seem to bother her at all. As though she was used to it. I was about to approach her but I spotted Taemin who didn't sleep at this hour either.

He stuffed his hands into his pants pockets and stopped in front of me, reflecting my blank expression as he asked, "Can't sleep, Boss?"

I didn't grant any response in return and just walked past Taemin but then he said, "You've softened for her, Jungkook.", Taemin's tone displayed mockery as my back faced him as I stopped in my spot.

I turned to face him again with a light scowl over my face, finding myself responding, "Softened? I'd rather say that I'm testing her limitations, how much it takes for her to break.", my tone was bland, hiding any suggestion of my lie that I just said.

Taemin sneered as though winning a prize as he pushed insolently, "Oh, so she's your new toy then, Boss. No wonder because she suits to be one."

His offensive words inflamed irritation within me as I clenched my fists from gradually increasing annoyance and anger.

I didn't like it when somebody else spoke about Areum in such a manner. The need to protect her from such insults only increased.

"Watch your words and actions, Taemin. You're no different. The only reason I let you still be here is because of our family relations but remember you can disappear as soon as I snap my fingers.", I warned lowly, not wishing Areum to hear even a slight bit of this conversation.

But I knew better. When Taemin has something on his mind, he'll speak it out despite me being his boss. He was not afraid of any consequence.

"Admit the truth, Boss. Areum is making you pathetic. You gave her another chance which shouldn't have been the case. You're placing this circus and its people at risk for some low life woman.", he continued fearlessly and tauntingly, his smirk widened while I clenched my jaw from his boldness to claim such bullshit about me.

Taemin tilted his head to the side, the smirk now disappearing as he said, "Have a pleasant night, Boss."

He disappeared to his caravan while I watched him, standing alone in the same spot. At some point Taemin was right. I was risking everything my father created and left for me. Why did I decide to risk so much just for Areum?

Was it because somewhere within me there was still a piece of heart left?

Groaning, I shifted back to approach Areum who still wasn't aware of my presence due to being immersed in her journal.

I cleared my throat when I was right in front of her who was sitting down on the ground and flinched because of my presence.

"Boss, you know that it's not good to sneak up on people! You scared the living hell out of me!", she whined childishly in a yelling manner.

I crouched down to her level and said quietly, "Don't yell at me, Hyun Areum."

"Sorry, Boss.", she spoke a bit more calmly right now before asking, "Why are you not sleeping? The bed is all yours."

Because I can't sleep when you aren't there.

"That's none of your business. Besides, the bed was always mine since I bought it.", I responded coldly as she just stared at me, not saying anything else at my response.

My eyes roamed up and down her figure, deciding to take off my jacket and place it around her shoulders without providing an excuse for my actions.

All while she just peered at me in surprise, not sure how to interpret my gesture. Somehow, I enjoyed confusing Areum a little. Therefore, I decided to place my hand on top of her head before rubbing it while saying, "Work hard, Hyun Areum."

"Thank you, Boss.", she thanked with uncertainty in her voice.

I stood up and averted back to walk to my caravan but then stopped as my head was bombarded with last night's memories. The feeling of embarrassment was torturing me so I shifted to Areum's direction once again and told her, "Forget what happened last night and I don't want you to tell a word about it to anyone. It was embarrassing at many levels."

Areum's eyebrows shot up as she slowly nodded with her mouth open but her next words put my heart at ease, "Don't worry, Boss. I won't slip a word about this to anyone."

Areum then closed her journal briefly, as she tilted her head focusing her gaze on me, "But you know, you shouldn't feel embarrassed or beat yourself for it. It's understandable why it happened. You were wrecked meaning it's not your fault for falling asleep on me. If you want you can blame me since I didn't wake you up."

I stared at her in fascination. Areum was right. It wasn't my intention to fall asleep yesterday so why burden myself with irking embarrassment feelings? My obsidian orbs were still fixated on her, chuckling slightly as I retorted, "You've become one year older and suddenly matured up, Hyun Areum."

"What?", puzzlement crossed upon her soft features.

I sighed in faint frustration before hinting, "What date was your mock performance?"

Areum diverted her eyes to the side, focused on remembering for a few seconds, and then answered unsurely, "29th of June?"

I nodded, continuing with my hint, "What else happened on the 29th of June?"

"Oh?", she croaked slightly as her eyes lit up in sudden realisation and Areum immediately exclaimed, "It's my day of birth!"

"There you go.", I said unbothered by her silly realisation. How can one forget about the day they are born?

"It's the fifth time I forget about it.", Areum sighed disappointedly, proceeding to open her journal again and writing once again as she murmured loud enough for me to hear, "I guess I'm alive for one more year."

"I'll remind you next year then."

Areum stopped what she was doing and slowly looked up at me in incredulity as I realised what I just said.

What the hell? Her birthday should not even itch me one bit.

The awkwardness suddenly became unbearable around here so I quickly muttered out, "Anyway, I shall take my leave.", I didn't even wait for her response and vanished within a blink, beating myself for blurting out such nonsense.

What's wrong with me?

The next evening…

-Author's POV-

Jungkook walked through the curtains and scanned around the area for Areum. It was her turn to step on to the stage but when Jungkook set his eyes upon her figure, his eyes went wide perplexed, "Hyun Areum, are you here to be a beggar or a comedian?", Jungkook asked in concern painting his tone.

"Comedian, Boss. Trust me, this is for the act.", Areum laughed nervously, internally panicking at the thought of having to perform in front of a huge crowd, most importantly make fun of herself to entertain them.

Jungkook had one of his hands situated on his hip while the other was rubbing his forehead as he grunted in regret, "I'm already regretting giving you a second chance."

"Don't worry. If I fail, I won't even approach you. I'll just leave.", Areum smiled weakly at all of the crew who now stared at her with tints of hope in their eyes. They all were afraid of risking this circus reputation by merely allowing Areum to redeem herself.

Areum advanced towards the curtains as her whole body was shaking moderately from nervousness but then swung to her left halfway to Jungkook with a partially nervous smile before voicing out, "Enjoy the show, Boss."

"Don't disappoint me, Hyun Areum."

"What happens, happens. I'll face the consequences.", she disappeared from backstage and stepped out on to the stage.

Areum came out of the curtain, nervousness continuously radiating through her entire body but Areum wasn't the only one feeling that way…

Jungkook and the rest of her teammates were standing behind the curtain, spectating as anxiety fuelled their bodies.

Jungkook was risking everything. His reputation, his standing, and even the circus to give Areum a second chance after her miserable failure.

Areum wore an outstandingly childish outfit. Her trousers were way too small on her and so was her shirt. But that was the concept for this entire show. Areum's hair was in high messy pigtails therefore earning some chuckles escaping the audience's lips for her overall appearance.

But the most important part was to make them laugh through her sassy skit. Areum sighed and glanced at Jungkook over her shoulder who had a calm exterior on the outside while in reality, he was ripping himself apart on the inside.

Areum took a deep breath and squatted down, her face covered with a pout as she squeaked in a funny child-like voice, marking the start of her narration, "Bibidi, bopiti, the crow was shititi. Why, oh why the Lord ya send me to a nunnery?"

Areum looked up at the ceiling, her top lip twitching as her eyes went wide and she jumped up, faking the cries of a literal whale, erupting more laughs from the audience.

"This is a sucker punch!", Areum crazily-paced around the stage holding her head dramatically, "Misfortune at its finest ladies and germs!!!", she gasped faltering on to her knees, "Does the lord… Does the lord perhaps see me as nothing more than a thorn in the flesh?!"

Areum furrowed her eyebrows and approached the kids in the front rows like a witch, her back hunched and her index finger pointing at them as she gave them a disgusted face making all of them chuckle.

"Yah! Did you grow up in a nunnery?", her voice change led the kids and adults to laugh since it sounded like a woman's in her 70s.

"No~", the kids cheered happily.

"Whippersnapper!", she yelled out in their faces and caused more laughter from them.

She went back on stage but this time she started running in circles while yelling in the child-like voice, sounding hilarious to most, "You turtledove, you ain't getting nun from me!"

Areum then grabbed her own collar and fell to the floor, rolling over on her body three times before she was on her back, letting out another dying whale sound as the crowd couldn't shut their mouths that echoed with laughter.

She suddenly sat up and looked at the audience with a sulking face, her eyebrows furrowed as she pointed a finger at one of the men in the crowd like she was a blind woman, "Ehhh, why you shrieking?!"

The man laughed, "Sorry, Miss~", he excused himself trying to muffle his laugh with his palm.

"What an utter foot licker you are, you should learn from the cows – them sexy beasts!", Areum bragged with a childish smile that held a tint of mockery.

Everybody giggled and again Areum grabbed her own ear and was pretending that someone was pulling it as she cried like a goat, "Through the power of Christ, I compel you, strumpet!"

Areum joined her fingers into a cross but then she proceeded to move backward on her ass, her face forming a poker face as her arms were playfully crossed over her chest. The sight made the audience amused, anticipating her next action in curiosity.

She then uttered in a mimicking tone, representing the nun that was "dragging her", "I thought you had a face that only mother could love. Now, I realise you are an orphan.", Areum pretended to be the nun as everyone roared in laughter because now Areum scoffed with her mouth open and even managed to fake some tears while laughing in irony like a horse.

Soon she stopped dragging herself and stood up, caressing her ass and turning to the audience, speaking in a casual and non-polite manner while scrunching her face like an unlettered villager, "Yah! Do ya have ointment for ass pain?"

Nobody answered and were instead laughing as some held their stomachs from pain and some wiped the laughter tears, so Areum faked a laugh too before her face went blank as she yelled, "ALLOW ME TO CORRECT MYSELF. DO ANY OF YOU Y'ALL HAVE OINTMENT FOR THE PAIN OF THE BUTTOCKS?!��

"No!!!", the audience finally roared the answer.

Areum scoffed, rolling her eyes, "I suppose you will lend me money to buy arse implants.", she placed her index finger over her bottom lip, "Hmm I might rob a bank… Nah…", her eyes suddenly lit up happily, "I'll rob my Boss instead! Yes!", she jumped happily around.

"No!!!", the audience responded again with the same answer.

"Silence! Close your garages, y'all ain't getting nun!", Areum huffed like a child who does not like to share her toys and stuck her tongue out.

Jungkook chuckled genuinely in the background which made the rest of the crew stare at him in horror as though he was abnormal. They were confused whether or not he was enjoying the performance or was he ready to kill Areum due to how unusual the performance was.

Areum once again grabbed the back of her neck and threw herself to the floor, succeeding to make it look like she was combating with someone until she halted and raised on to her feet, forcing out a chuckle, this time speaking sadder in order to make the audience to sympathise with her.

"Bipiti, bopiti, the nun was a misery. Her anger was crisply thus my head was slippery.", despite a sadder tone, the audience still chuckled as Areum spectated around and grabbed her throat releasing gurgling sounds that were funny to anyone's ears.

But what the laughing crowd didn't realise was that those sounds indicated suffocation. Areum was acting out herself drowning.

"What am I? I can be swallowed but can also swallow.", Areum suddenly threw a riddle for the audience to solve with a deep manly voice.

"Water…", Jungkook found himself quietly murmuring the right answer as her performance brought a slight frown upon his features because he felt as though she was trying to tell something through this chaotic act.

Areum with a hand on her throat she mused in her squeaky voice sarcastically, "You're a thirsty boomer, that's for sure!", upon her words, the bucket water that she asked the stage hands to place above her was tilted and all of the water spilled on her as she breathed heavily.

Areum's eardrums obtained endless laughter as she placed her hand on her forehead dramatically and sighed like a noble person would, "Concussion~"

This word concluded her final act before she flew down to the floor and made the dying sound and repeating her very first words.

"Bipiti, bopiti, the crow was shititi. Why, oh why lord ya sent me to the nunnery?"

Everyone raised from their seats and clapped with loud cheers and whistles as Areum stood up. Her eyes were gleaming like the stars, happy that people enjoyed the show.

However, soon her jubilant state was replaced with fright as Areum looked over her shoulder at Jungkook, still with a wide smile over her face.

Her smiling eyes fell when she saw Jungkook…

He held no expression or showed any signs of satisfaction, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, beading his jet orbs at her.

Areum failed.

If Jungkook wasn't content with the performance, the deal was that Areum will leave. And that is what Jungkook displayed currently. No satisfaction in her show.

Shakily while biting her bottom lip, Areum turned away with her head hanging low but soon forced a glamorous grin and bowed to the crowd before escaping through the other curtain.

As promised… Areum won't face Jungkook.

She will just quietly leave with the disappointment radiating her soul.

…

-Areum's POV-

After changing into fresh clothes, I left and now I'm following the railway tracks to hell knows what destination. I'm back to where I started.

What will I do now? Well… I'm at higher risk to get caught if I go to any public place to find a job.

There were no chances or ways to clear my name either unless I somehow by some magical accident, I will find important clues or even witnesses.

But I knew better. There was none. So, here I am, tiredly plodding with my own disappointment and embarrassment. Such a failure. So useless. So unfitting…

I've never experienced real embarrassment before but now that I do, the realisation enlightened me with scary facts…

How much these mere emotions tarnish your pride and dignity. They were like poignant poison – aching and burning me from within achingly slowly inch by inch.

Even so, I somehow grew fond of Circus Mistique…

Attached to my Boss whose name was like a forbidden curse coming out from your mouth.

Despite Jungkook being cold and mean towards me, I grew to enjoy his company. For the first time in so many years, I didn't feel as lonely.

Especially after Jungkook sacrificed and risked everything to provide me another chance to fight for a position here, I finally felt that he cared for me just a little bit to not let go so carelessly.

Nobody really cared for me throughout my entire life and the opportunity in Circus Mistique was like a gift to me… I will always appreciate it.

Yet, in the end, I managed to disappoint Jungkook even when he asked me to not do so. Not only didn��t I succeed in my role but also failed to repay for what he has done for me.

I felt bad and guilty.

In the darkness of the night, I drowned in the pitch-dark destructive thoughts, completely losing my sane mind.

Fortunately, before I could completely disappear, a grip on my arm as the person spun me around to face them.

I tried to discern who it was as the night's sky made it difficult to recognise the person. My pupils finally caught up and with a frown, I realised that it was Jungkook.

"Where do you think are you going?", Jungkook questioned blankly, I was unable to distinguish the emotion in his tone.

Nonetheless, I was confused at the same time, "Huh? I---",

"You're not leaving.", Jungkook cut me off before I could even blabber a proper sentence.

What indeed left me perplexed was a sense of calmness in Jungkook's voice but his words caught me off guard so I asked, "What do you mean? I failed; you didn't look content so it's my cue to leave.", the neutrality in my voice displayed the fact that I had no energy to argue anymore.

Neither did I lift my head to hold Jungkook's burning gaze. I heard him sigh, "You didn't fail, Areum."

As soon as this information reached my ears, I stiffened in my spot and processed every single syllable of his words. But as much as I tried, my head effortlessly emptied itself.

How was I supposed to react? Didn't he look displeased back then?

With some bits of courage left, I raised my head and met his intense stare and retorted unenthusiastically, "Oh… I see."

I should be happy… Now that I achieved something, why do I feel like I was missing the important bit?

"That's all you're going to say?", Jungkook's question glinted in mild shock at my lack of response.

I didn't know what to say in response and avoided his eyes once again, just standing in the moment of silence between the two of us. Perhaps it was just tiredness consuming me as I didn't sleep properly for the past two days?

Confirming that in my mind, I sighed and walked past Jungkook, moving in the direction of the circus at a relaxed pace. I didn't go far because Jungkook caught my forearm, twisted me around, and tugged me closer to his figure, embracing me in his arms.

I froze like the lake during white winter.

Jungkook's one hand was on my back and the other on my head, caressing it ever so gently.

"You did well, Hyun Areum.", Jungkook praised in a whispering manner, his tone indicating the guilt of causing a misunderstanding earlier. It was genuine and the sincerest praise with no filters.

Warmth spread through my body as heartwarming feelings burst sudden sparks of happiness within me. Is this what I was missing from the picture?

I found myself chuckling at Jungkook as butterflies erupted in my stomach because of his secure hold, "Is that a compliment I hear from you?", I smiled tiredly with closed eyes as my chin gently leaned on his shoulder.

Although I wished to hug him back, I hesitated, remembering the last time when Jungkook didn't react well when I poked his cheek.

"Take my words whatever way you want, Hyun Areum.", he answered before pulling away from me and we decided to head back to the circus.

For some time, we just moved along the train railway tracks in comfortable silence.

But it only lasted as long before Jungkook started, "Your performance…", he paused for a second and then asked, "What's the meaning behind it?"

My heart started racing because I didn't think that he would catch on to the purpose of it. Scratch that, no one is supposed to know what meaning the performance had. Because if they would, they would start questioning about my past and then I'll be in trouble.

Therefore, I answered rather too quickly, "There is none really. Just a silly act.", these lies that had to be said, constantly cut me right where it hurts, aware just how wrong it is to not be honest.

And all I hoped now was that Jungkook will drop the topic but my wish was completely wiped off when he continued pointing out the details, "Crows refer to death, Hyun Areum. 'What am I? I can be swallowed but also swallow' – refers to water and drowning."

"I do not think that it was only just a silly act.", claimed Jungkook who was eyeing me suspiciously.

I scoffed while shaking my head, "Aren't you smart?", I asked rhetorically before pushing my own truth, "I use these abbreviations and riddles just because. No meaning behind.", I didn't spare a glance at his side and just stared at the cloudless night sky.

Thankfully, Jungkook didn't push any more questions.

We reached the caravan park and Jungkook was about to leave to finish his own business but then stopped and looked at me one last time.

"You're a terrible liar, Hyun Areum."

My voice got caught in my throat and before I could utter out anything, Jungkook already left.

I had to be more careful from now on… No one should unveil the truth about me. No one.

-Author's POV-

While Areum stood there in the caravan area, someone was hiding behind one of the caravans, spectating her like an eagle sneaking on its prey, following her every step with anticipation running cold through their veins.

This person hated this situation and didn't like how events escalated to his disadvantage. This person was doomed if Areum stays in Circus Mistique.

"I really didn't want to kill you, Hyun Areum…", the person's eyes darkened as a devious smirk crept upon their features.

"But now I have no choice but to wish you to have a splendid journey to hell."