37

They may forget

Your name, but

They will never

Forget how you

Made them feel.

I blink my eyes open but immediately close them again because of the bright white light. After a few attempts, I manage to keep my eyes open. The first thing I see is a white ceiling. In my hand, there is an IV so I know I am in the hospital. The events with Britte take place in my head so I have to close my eyes again.

I feel something moving next to me and I see Alex sleeping with his head on my hospital bed. Next to Alex, sit Owen and Jax, both are also asleep. I think back to their tearful faces and I feel a stab in my heart. I effortlessly raise my hand and rub it through Alex's hair, just the way he likes it. Alex's eyes suddenly fly open ashe jumps straight, waking up the other two boys as well. Alex looks at Owen with big eyes, 'I think there's a ghost, someone just rubbed my hair'. He says scared.

Instead of reacting, Owen looks at me before the tears slip over his face again, next to him the same thing happens to Jax. "Bro, what's wrong?" asks Alex when he rubs his hair nervously. I only notice the big purple circles around his eyes now. Owen walks forward so fast that I barely realize what's happening until he takes me in his arms and now completely collapses. I grab him firmly, ignoring the pain. 'Popcorn' I hear someone exhale and see that Alex's cheeks are wet now too.

Jax sits on the other side of me on the bed before he hides his face in my hair as well and starts crying louder. The tears are now jumping into my eyes too but I do my best to stop them. Meanwhile, Alex is just looking at me. Suddenly, he seems to shoot out of his mind as he quickly walks out of my room. I don't have time to feel hurt when I see Owen and Jax raising their heads.

I raise my hands and wipe their tears. I see that they want to say something to me but it is not necessary, because I can read everything in their eyes. I just want to open my mouth to say something when Alex walks back into the room, with a doctor right behind him. "Hello, Miss Bowen. Welcome back. I'm Dr. Clark'. I want to straighten myself out but a small scream of pain leaves my mouth before I have been able to lift my head completely myself.

Alex arrives immediately and presses a button to straighten my bed. 'I see that you are still in pain. This is quite normal, of course. You have been out of bed for 3 days. In those three days, you have had surgery for the knife in your belly and leg. The other cuts were luckily not deep enough to have to be sewn. Within 2 weeks the stitches may be removed but you are not allowed to make an effort for a month. Unfortunately, you have to stay another night in the hospital to see how you are doing, but if everything is okay you can go home tomorrow morning'.

The doctor leaves the room and I'm alone with boys again. Owen and Jax look at Alex before they get up. 'I'll tell your brothers you're awake. They couldn't get here. I'll let the rest of them know too.' Tell Owen before he gives me a kiss on my forehead with Jax repeating this action before they disappear through the door.

Alex stays a few steps from the bed. I open my arms invitingly and immediately he walks towards me and starts crying even louder than Jax and Owen together. After lying in the bed together for a few minutes, he turns his head in my direction so he looks at me. 'I thought I'd lost you. When Lizz came to tell me she saw Britte putting the box with the bird under the Christmas tree the day before we found it, I immediately went looking for you but Kim said you had left with Britte. I was so scared. I immediately called the police and went crazy. And when you looked at me so stunned and the blood ran out of your mouth, my heart broke. Your eyes kept closing and I knew once they'd be closed too long, they'd never open again.

But it was as if you didn't hear me. A-and when your eyes closed, my world collapsed. I don't want to lose you, not then or ever.' He says with silent tears running down his cheeks. I kiss his lips and rest my forehead against his. "You'll never get rid of me. I'm yours, now and forever. I love you.'

We're six months later. It turned out Britte wasn't shot dead but was badly injured. Last month, she was sentenced to 12 years in prison. Kim and Lexi had a lot of trouble with the fact that their girlfriend, whom they have known for a few years now, turns out to be a completely different person. Luckily, Kim and Finn made up for it and this helped Kim. Jax also helped Lexi with the processing which made the two of them very close. Yesterday, during the last football game of the year, he asked her to be his girlfriend.

Owen is his own worked up crazy self, and still single. Something he'd like to change because "being the seventh wheel is worse than being the third." Between me and Alex, everything is going very well, too. The first few months after the hospital, he was so worried and protective that it drove me crazy, but I thought it was sweet too. But this month, you felt the tension between us flying back and forth. I'm almost leaving for Belgium again. Alex doesn't want to talk about it while I want to talk.

I said, "Stop talking about it!" Alex shouts at me angrily. 'It's time to talk about it' I call back. Desperately, he turns to me. "Talk about it? What's that gonna help? You're leaving" he's shouting now. "I can't help it either, but pretending it's not the truth won't make it go away" I shout back. It's the first time we've had such a big fight. "As if we can maintain a distant relationship. I'm not that naive, once you leave, it's over.' He's screaming. I look at him and all my anger disappears and is faded by grief. I wanted to try, I wanted to find a solution but apparently, he already knew it wouldn't work for him anymore. Once gone is gone. He wouldn't even try and fight for us.

"Maybe it's better if we spend the last few days as friends, then it's easier for you" I whisper as I walk to my room. Alex didn't talk to me, didn't stop me.