Mistakes

It took us three more days to finish digging the grave. That included an all nighter on my part, though none of the women were happy with me when the found out about it the next morning.

Conversation was awkward around me. Other than making sure I ate and getting mad at me when I didn't sleep, they seemed to not know what to say around me. I didn't mind. I've never been much of a social person.

That hasn't changed today. It took us two hours and twenty-six minutes to gather all of the lifeless forms of the villagers and gently set them in the hole we had dug. Crimson was now maroon, and nothing wasn't marked maroon in some way or another. Not even our clothes.

I sat inside the hospital-church, giving the others time to offer their parting words and have a moment. I may have worked and fought alongside these people, but they were just faces to me. It was my fault that many of them had died. What right did I have to suddenly act like I knew them?

Mayliam entered the room, blue hair tangled and grimy. "No words?"

"No."

She sat next to me, on my right side. Mayliam was holding back tears. Trying to keep a brave face.

"Can cry when hurt."

"My parents have met the gods now. My little brother and sister too."

"'Met the gods.' That word say dead?"

"Yes. Kalamay said that when our spirit leaves our body, we have an audience with the gods: Brock, Celestia, Aquaria, and Ragos. They speak with you. Congratulating you on successes. Emphasizing lessons you learned. Crying with you for your tragedies. Then they take you home."

"Celestia, goddess of air, translate our conversation." I commanded to the nothingness. Now aware of mana, I felt a little of it get consumed.

I continued, tracing the black etchings on my left arm with my right pointer finger. "I wish I had a god or multiple gods who had congratulated me. Maybe even if they had berated me for wasting my life. This is my second try. And despite trying at this life thing again, in a world I could only dream of living in, I still fall short of who I'm meant to be."

Mayliam scooted herself closer, and grabbed my arm, stopping me from tracing the scars. The void black etchings. The curse.

"No one's perfect. Speaking with the gods is not the only way to reflect on our life, for congratulations or tears. We can do that on our own. I'm here. Talk to me."

I sighed, then looked into her eyes. Her eyes matched her hair. And now I had finally noticed. "I came from a different world. That world didn't have magic. If there was a god, he merely watched. But humanity never gave up. We had amazing technology. Computers. Skyscrapers. Cures to deadly diseases. Countless books. Cameras.

"But I didn't belong. I was alone in a crowd. I would walk through the halls of school and no one would speak to me. They didn't know me. I didn't know them. The loneliness became too much, so I took a hike in the mountains with no intent of returning. I walked and walked. At some point, I was no longer walking the mountain path. Instead, I was walking among the stars. Then I came here."

Tears streaked down my face as I took a breath to stabilize myself. "And just when I was beginning to feel like I might belong here, this mess happened. I've been cursed with the fate of always being alone."

Mayliam stood halfway up to kneel over me. Face in my face. Like she had the multiple times already, when she had reprimanded me. Then she pulled me into a hug. "You're not alone. I'm still here. Kendalyn, Elengail, and even Faivere are still here. We're here because you saved us."

I shoved her away. "It's because I overspent my mana that you were in danger in the first place!"

I received no response. We sat like this for fifty-three seconds, my gaze constantly averted.

"MAYLIAM! What are you doing?" someone shouted. We both jumped. Mayliam to her feet, stepping to my side. Faivere was standing at the doorway and fuming.

"It's- It's not what it looked like."

"Clearly."

"I- I was just-"

"He killed someone!" Faivere interrupted. "And he's not even sorry about it! That's self-pity he's in right now!"

"You don't know that," Mayliam muttered.

"What?"

"I said you don't know that!" Mayliam shouted, "All you do is take what you see and twist it however you please! You never know the facts!"

She stopped, as though just realizing what she'd said. Mayliam shrunk down, hiding behind crossed arms.

"That's right. You know what happens when you talk back. When you say what you think." She had an evil grin.

"Gods of Fire and Stone, create for me a shovel to accomplish the task ahead."

The two of them looked to me. I pulled myself to my feet using my newly conjured tool as a crutch. "You forget fast, Faivere. No man like mean. No man want evil."

"I- I-"

"Words done for who met the gods. I go amend fail. Come, Mayliam."

I extended my hand for Mayliam, and she took it to be lead out the room. As I passed Faivere, I added one last thing: "Learn from fail. You better after."

Faivere didn't join us for twenty-one minutes. Even after she did, the only sound we heard was the shoveling of dirt until Elengail called for a break.

It took us the rest of the day to fill the hole. As with the grave for the seven, I crafted a marker for the fallen. With Kendalyn and Elengail's help, I magically carved each name, including the seven who were in the other grave.

Faivere didn't speak throughout the process. She didn't seem to have anything to say, though I could tell a lot was on her mind.

She was right. I had killed that robed figure and still don't care. He deserved it. His life was a small price for the ninety-something plus that his actions had taken.

My own life was losing value with each mistake as well. Someday, someone would come for vengeance on me, and I would deserve it.