Chapter Four

I spend a long night without sleep, emotions overwhelm me, from surprise, nervousness, insecurity. It is clear that Jeanne Nizzari catches my attention, she is a mysterious and captivating woman, but clearly this will be just something of my fantasies, a woman like her will never be with someone ... like me. Accepting it is easy for me, so I have no illusions where there is no reason and with one last breath I fall asleep.

In the morning I have a cup of coffee, I look at myself in the mirror and my skin no longer seems so pale, in the last week I have taken on some color, of course, chasing a girl around the house makes anyone exercise more than necessary . I try to ignore the emotion building up in me as I take the bus and walk to the mansion. I want to make myself believe that I don't feel anything for Jeanne Nizzari, when I arrive she is sitting with a laptop on her lap. For the first time I take the time to analyze her and look at every inch of her body. She has a normal build, long blonde hair and large, appetizing lips ... at that moment Jeanne looks up and finds my curious eyes staring at her. I immediately look away, embarrassed, and go over to greet her.

"Good morning ma'am," I say avoiding her gaze.

-Good morning Emma-she says still looking at me-Marie is still sleeping, you can go and help yourself something to eat while she wakes up-her eyes are still on me and I seat nervously, I walk to the huge kitchen of the mansion. I grab an apple from a basket and go back to sit on one of the sofas. I stare at Jeanne while she writes without being able to take my eyes off, she is definitely a beautiful woman, her age is a total mystery to me but I assume that she is at least ten years older than me. I let my gaze wander over her body, she wears matching pants with a black blazer, I look at her and sometimes she doesn't seem as tough as they paint her, right now I can see her without any pause, she even seems fragile, overshadowed by something ...

-Do I have something on my face? She asks even without looking at me and I am ashamed again, I thought I was undefeated by her attention but I knew that I was watching her.

-Sorry ..- is the only thing I can say. Jeanne looks at me curiously as if she wants to ask me something, at that moment she opens her mouth but closes it again when we hear footsteps upstairs, Marie has woken up. I apologize and go up in quick steps, still with my heart racing. I help Marie to clean herself, Jeanne says goodbye from the other side of the door and something in me regrets not being able to see her before she left. I barely remove that thought.

-Emma can you make me eggs? -Marie asks when we go down.

-Sure little girl, I was thinking, What if we paint pictures after breakfast? -Marie immediately gets excited and we have a good time cooking. Without noticing it, he felt affection for the little girl, also for the fact that she did not have her mother at an age where the need was most ... it reminded me of my childhood, I did not want to remember any of that so I immediately occupied my mind with another thing.

Marie and I painted a dozen pictures, then we had lunch, and in the afternoon we watched two movies before she fell asleep. I helped her to bed and closed her room carefully. I wait patiently for Jeanne's arrival and when she enters the mansion she seems jaded. He barely looks at me and for the first time it affects me, no, it cannot affect me ...

The following days it is the same routine, on Thursday to my surprise Jeanne stops before going up to her room and watches me.

-Forgive me Emma, I forgot to tell you that tomorrow I have an engagement for the company, I need you to take care of Marie until later .. Can you? -He says serious and I doubt.

-Clear ..

-I will compensate you with more money obviously ...- he says turning his back to me- good night Emma ..

I am stunned, it is the first time that Jeanne Nizzari says goodbye to me and I feel nervous, almost euphoric, I wish this was not happening to me but it is almost inevitable. I go home lost in thought, I want to believe that it will only be temporary, but deep down I know that maybe it is not.

I stay up one night, I get some bills and I'm happy to know that I will be able to pay another month to live here, well, without Jeanne's job offer I would already be on the street, without her call I would probably already be dead ... Some Memories come back to my mind, they always do. Especially the months before being incarcerated, when everything was going well, when I believed that a bright future would come for me and I was full of illusions ... when I got out of jail everything was more complicated, nobody wanted to hire me, since then I had few jobs where most of them fired me after the second day, they read my history and I was no longer a trusted person for them.

The accounts began to accumulate and my suicidal thoughts also, when I got out of jail I knew that I would be alone, without anyone lending me a hand I managed to get ahead, even with my mental health hanging by a thread. But everything turned black after being fired as a doctor's assistant, no one received me, there was no single legal job that hired me and for a moment I thought about going back to my old ways, but no, I preferred to plunge into poverty than go back to the jail.

The day comes and I only managed to sleep for an hour, a big setback after having almost completely recovered. I travel on the bus with heavy eyes from sleep, I arrive at the mansion discouraged, Jeanne receives me quickly before leaving and reminds me that today she will be back late. I nod without paying much attention and like a zombie I help Marie to wash up and play, the dream is killing me, I manage to resist until the afternoon, Marie falls asleep and I lie down next to her, it will only be five minutes ...

I fall into the sea of dreams and only wake up when I feel a door close. I look around and everything is dark, I turn on a light and see the time. ! It's midnight! I couldn't believe it ... I had slept for several hours without realizing it ... I get up slowly so as not to wake Marie.

When Jeanne is sitting down with her feet resting on the sofa and barefoot, her comfortable posture and serene face gave me to understand that she did not want to be disturbed so I crept to the door.

-Are you leaving without saying goodbye? -Her voice sounds from the sofa and I sigh retracing my steps. Jeanne Nizzari gives me one of the first smiles that I have seen, she seems quite relaxed lying there and for a moment I lose myself looking at her cleavage. She notices it and smiles at me as I embarrass myself for the tenth time that day.

"Emma, would it be too much to ask you to pour me a glass of wine?" And of course if you also want ... - He asks without taking his eyes off me.

-No problem ma'am-I walk to the kitchen and serve two glasses, there is a great variety of wines so I choose the one that most catches my attention. When I return, Jeanne stares at a point and I clear my throat to get her attention.

-Thank you very much-I have your glass-come, sit down and drink with me Emma ..

I fight internally until Jeanne tells me to sit next to her and I accept. It's strange being so close to her and not in a bad mood, Jeanne takes the time to pour the wine and smiles.

-This is one of the most delicious wines I have ever tasted ... you taste good Emma-she winks at me and I feel dizzy, I must control myself. I just give him a smile, I want to believe that this is done out of kindness but his eyes do not let me, he seems to analyze me completely and I play with my hands nervously.

-I don't know anything about your life Emma ...- she starts saying and I look at her scared- Where do you come from?

I get scared, if she starts rambling about my past ... I'll be fired right away, Jeanne Nizzari can't know my past.

"A city that I doubt you know," I say trying to sound calm and Jeanne raises her eyebrow.

-You live alone? -Set up right away and I look at her confused-you know, a boyfriend, your parents ...

-Yes-I say serious-just me.

Jeanne nods but doesn't stop looking at me, she seems to want to ask me something but doesn't dare to do it ..

-Do you have a boyfriend? -This time it would be a question and I look at her even more confused.

-No ma'am ...

-Don't tell me Mrs. Emma-sighs-you make me feel older than I already am ...

-Excuse me-I'm sorry but Jeanne laughs at my reaction.

-I'm curious to know some things about you ...- he says and I am surprised-you are mysterious ...

"Same here" I speak without thinking and Jeanne smiles.

-Oh Yes? How mysterious am I? -Ask approaching and cutting my breath.

-Well ...- I say awkward-I suppose her face invites mystery-I'm instantly ashamed of what I just said and Jeanne nods.

-You are mysterious to me in every way ... as if you are hiding so many things-hit the nail on the head and I just nod-I hope one day to meet the real Emma ...- she says more to herself. He returns his eyes to mine and I just want to run away from his questions and the strange conversation.

-I think you are a very beautiful woman -suddenly let go and I remain static -I'm sorry ... alcohol sometimes goes to my head ...

-You are also a beautiful woman ..- I tell him looking into his eyes, hypnotized by them. Jeanne nods while looking at me, maybe it's my idea but the temperature rises and I start to shiver. I lose myself in his eyes, fighting against them, with how strange they are, I want to know so many things, but I'm afraid to ask ... Jeanne just watches me, lowers her gaze to my lips and stays there, I want to run away but I know that I'm nailed to the sofa, each of my cells tremble at Jeanne's gaze, I think we've been watching each other for so long and yet only a few minutes have passed ...

"I'll go to my room," Jenane lets go and I nod, breaking the spell. He looked away, put the glass on the table and gave one last look at Jeanne who has taken her things and heads to her room.

-Good night Emma ..- he says turning around and looking at me for the last time.

-Good evening Jeanne ...- I say more to myself and I leave the mansion shaking from head to toe ... what was that? ..