Chapter 13

-Skyler-

I have a really bad feeling about this. I really want to be the luna of this pack and they deserve to have a luna. They deserve to have a matron, to guide and lead the pack with their Alpha. I just don't think I deserve them. Ambrose wants to mark and mate me, that much is clear. Once I'm mated though, this pack will be stuck with me and they will hate me find out what I did.

How can I put Ambrose in a position to choose between his mate and pack?

Pack law states that he will have to hand me over; that will break the pack and weaken Ambrose a lot. Heat will be bad - How will I be able to withstand him marking me and how will I get out of this?

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked. Oh my god. What am I going to do?

"I'm just thinking. Wondering about things." I gave him a half smile.

"You're really quiet. What is bothering you?"

"Just scared, I guess." This was going to be harder than I thought.

“Ambrose, we need to talk about something. It's really important."

Meeting his gaze, his eyes were blank. He was linking someone. His face turned serious. "I'm sorry, mate. We have a problem. I need to go. I will tell you about it later. " With that he turned around, shifted and shot into the woods. Great. Just fucking great. I have so much to tell him. He needs to know what I did, why I'm rogue, why I ran. He needs to know before he marks me. He needs to decide what he'll do about Pack Law. Maybe I should just leave, survive heat on my own in the woods and take care of business before coming back. Then I don't have to tell Ambrose anything. There would be no reason to, because it will be taken care of.

Coming to a stop, I was back at the house. Liza-Marie was on the porch, sitting on the bench. She stood when she saw me.

“Afternoon, Luna. Can I have a moment of your time?” She was so formal. She looked super anxious, too. Must be important then.

“Of course, Beta-female. And please call me Skyler. I insist.”

Blushing, she said, “Only if you call me Liza, Luna.”

“Deal. So Liza, what’s up?” I sat down next to her.

“I just wanted to apologise for the pack and how you’ve been treated so far. The Alpha hasn’t exactly made things easy, but we should have been making a bigger effort to get to know you and welcome you to the pack. As Beta-female, I feel personally responsible as it’s my duty to serve you as Luna. I’m really sorry and I want to make it up to you in any way I can. If you’ll let me.” Regret flashing in her eyes, she looked at me warily. She was waiting for an answer.

I don't know if it was what she said or the sincerity of her voice, but a dam broke inside me. Emotions that were long forgotten made my heart swell. When you have been as strong as I am for as long as I've been, you forget to be vulnerable and to feel emotions. You loose sight of your mortality and how frail you actually are. I have been alone so long I don’t think I even know how to handle emotions anymore.

Wetness stained my cheeks. A sob that had no permission being as loud as it was escaped my throat.

"What's wrong Skyler? What happened?" She was on alert then, scanning for threats to her luna.

"Oh Liza. I need to tell you something. But you will have to keep it from the Alpha, the pack and your mate. I hate to put you in this position, but I need to tell someone. I'm so sorry." I don't know if it was how broken my voice sounded, or the fact that I was crying, but she said, "Skyler, I am here for you. I will keep your secret. I will always have your back you are my luna, now and always.” Her blind loyalty stunned me a bit, not going to lie. This was selfish. It was a selfish thing to ask her to do, but it was necessary. I looked at her.

“You might hate me after I tell you.”

“I could never hate my Luna.”

Well, here goes then.

“When I shifted for the first time at thirteen, I did a horrible thing. I was so young, I didn’t know I was a silver wolf and I was alone, my parents died when I was an infant and I was raised by the pack. I had nobody to teach me the things a mother and father should. I was in the woods when it happened. As I shifted, our Beta came to me after hearing my screams. I have no idea what happened, but as soon as I was on four paws I killed him. I tore his throat out. He didn’t do anything. He was just there. My wolf took over and we ran. We ran and ran, and we became rogue. That was six years ago. We’ve been alone ever since.” I don’t want to look at her, don’t want to see the inevitable disgust in her eyes. The first real friend I made will hate me too now. “And as you know, when Ambrose finds out he will have to hand me over to my old pack, so my alpha can punish me. Pack Law will force him to.” She didn’t say anything.

“Say something, Liza. Please.”

“Listen Skyler. What you did was not your fault. Your pack left you to shift alone. No wolf is in control in the beginning. Do you hear me? It wasn’t your fault. It was not your fault.”

Fresh tears spilled. Looking at her, I could see nothing but kindness and understanding. Kindness I did not deserve. “Thank you. You have no idea what those words mean to me,” I said, “and that makes this a lot harder. I have to leave. And you can’t tell anybody.”