Chapter 74 : Part II

"I'm a monster. A murderer. I'm unwell, in so many ways", his voice is quiet in the dewy night. "So many hate me, want me dead. But I'm not sure if I want to live either." He chuckles. "It's chaos, my mind, my existence. It's dangerous." He starts to shake with laughter. "I don't even have a point for existence."

"And who says all those things?" Her voice is stern.

"No one in particular. But my own mind can see through emotions, hear unspoken words." He lets go of her, leaning back on his elbows, observing her features, a smile on his lips. She looks at him with furrowed brows, eyes showing signs of worry, mouth turned into a frown. "I hate seeing you frown." He says with all the seriousness in his voice, as if this is about her.

"I don't particularly like seeing you in pain either", she mumbles, hand gently tracing his. She lowers her eyes, unable to look at him anymore. He makes her vulnerable, she realizes sadly.

He cracks a smile at her words. "That makes me happy." He catches her hand in his gently. He's never been gentle with her, he recalls. He always pushes her, bullies her, makes her hurt. He isn't good to her. "If I stay too long around you, I start to question my reality." His eyes are earnest. It makes her feel things she doesn't want to. She gulps.

"I don't understand what you see in me. Why are you so obsessed with me?" She finally looks into his eyes.

He contemplates his answer. "When we first met all those years ago, I was a troubled child filled with hatred." He inches closer, "But so were you." Her eyes widen. "In you, I saw similarities. I saw the same pain, the hatred, the burn. I saw myself reflected in your eyes, as I am right now." He presses his forehead against hers. She stiffens. It wasn't the answer she was expecting. She felt bothered, but in a pleasant way. For some twisted reason, she felt happy that someone felt such a deep feeling for her. She didn't question the morbidity of his words. She was lost in revelling in the warmth.

"I always thought I was too little for him, never enough", she doesn't take his name, though it is obvious to them both.

He dares to brush his nose against hers, breath hitching, "You're just what I need. Not more, never less." She grows nervous. This wasn't what she planned. She came here to use him for information and play him against his mother. But this, felt so good, felt right. She doesn't want it to go away.

She mumbles something along the lines of how wrong this is and he verbally agrees. He runs his hand through her hair, the other cupping her cheek and she shivers. He feels giddy like a school girl.

When it happens, Carina realizes through the haze of feeling his lips on hers, that this was in every way, inevitable. "I want to love you, as wrong and foolish as it might be", she looks at him desperately, gripping his shirt, heart pounding. He responds by kissing her again.