Chapter 75

Thomas was crumbling. The pieces he had so carefully placed together, the him he had tirelessly curated, were all withering away, turning into grey ashes right in front of his eyes. Were the eyes even his to call anymore? Perhaps this was the irony of a facade. Every little thing was carefully made up. To please of course. Please the powerful, the predators, the rich, the demons. He was always worrying of the demons of this world. But what of those in his mind?

A dark empty space, he found himself in. He was too tired to question where it was. A dream, his subconscious, maybe even hell. He couldn't bring himself to care. This was new of him, being irresponsible. He couldn't deny how liberating it felt. Thomas's hands appear skinnier as he pushes his hair back. He almost doesn't notice the absence of his wedding ring. A wedding full of empty stares. He convinced himself it was love. Still does. But deep down, some unexplored part of him knows what this was, what he is. He did whatever he had to for only one thing. Convinience. He pretended to love his wife so he could live with easy money. Money he could never earn by himself. What he lacked, could be fulfilled through pretense. Put the mask of loyalty on and you have a satisfied mother-in-law. Atleast you have a roof on your head, stomach full, new clothes that do not reek, a family to call yours and... an identity.

"TheThe identity of a fraud." The voice startles him from whatever trance that was. A bead of sweat rolls down his forehead, even though it is chilly. He recognises, no he knows this voice. Thomas turns around. Bright Blue eyes stare at him from the darkness. Perhaps this was another one of his nightmares. Just when he was getting tired of everything...The young face is stoic, void of any emotion. Thomas doesn't know what his own looks like at the moment."Guilty", says the boy. "You look guilty. As you should."

Thomas sighs at that, "You can escape the awful world. But not yourself." He laughs. The child, bearing Thomas's own face, nods. He considers the situation. Could his mind be playing memories from his past self? Or was this his subconscious? He could feel his body vividly, from his erratic heartbeat to the sweat gathering under his armpits. His throat felt rough. The child version of him comes forward, standing right in front of him. His thoughts cease and Thomas observes his younger self.

He appears unclear, like a dirtied mirror. His raven hair reaches a little below his ears, completely disheveled. He's wearing his old uniform at the Howards'. A plain white shirt a size too big for his lanky figure and black pants with cheap shoes. They had clearly seen better days. His appearance screamed poor, a stark contrast to his current self. He looks about 10.

Thomas marvels at how he seems to remember articulate details about his past appearance. When in reality, he never had the time or means to even look at a mirror. There is however a very distinct change. The eyes that stare back at him, are clouded with something heavy. Thomas feels something sinister approaching him. He gulps.