6. Cocktail of emotions

MICHAEL

How do I talk without staring at her?What do I start with?Why was she even staring at me like that? Because you stood her up, you idiot! An apology that's what I'll start with.

" About this morning, I , I didn't mean to-

" It's okay, I wouldn't exactly jump with excitement at the thought of meeting someone who's closer to my mother than me."

That made me laugh. Oh god, looks like that and has a sense of humor. Jesus how am I gonna make a conversation with her? How is anyone making conversation without blatantly staring at her. It's gonna be very very difficult. So I quickly averted my eyes and stared at my burger. Am I supposed to eat this now? What is the chicken gets stuck in my teeth or much worse the lettuce? Ughhhh I am definitely gonna make a fool out of myself. I can sense an impending disaster.

" You do know there's only ten minutes left right"

Her voice has a bit of husk to it, the one that turns you on, that kind. Oh boy, so she's literally perfect.

"Yeah " I forced myself to say something. I am not gonna stare at her , I am not gonna stare at her but I did feel her eyes on me from time to time. Why was she looking at me anyway? To see if I look anything like mom?

" You look nothing like your mom" I knew it. There's no other reason for someone who looks like that to stare at me.

" I look more like my father , atleast that's what Mom tells me"

" I see, I'm sorry about it"

" It's okay, it's been a long time." I get supertensed when someone mentions my dad so I tried to diffuse the tension "You look nothing like Uncle Tony either"

At the mention of her father , Elizabeth froze and I was not the only person who noticed that. Isabel looked at me like I've grown a head and David's eyes landed on mine. It was as if he was trying to tell me something. First of all, I'm very bad at verbal communication so you can figure out how good I must be at non verbal communication. I've never known anything about reading body languages , how ones eyes can speak a thousand words. Utter bullshit! It's the tongue that speaks and I cannot figure out any person's thoughts or emotions from the look on their faces much less strangers. People whom I don't even know properly. So I don't know how Elizabeth was feeling because she had a very good poker face on, Isabel looked.... troubled!? And David was trying to say something , something I can't figure out.

" When did you last see him?" Elizabeth's crisp voice cut through the tension that seemed to be building up with each passing minute.

" He paid us a formal visit, when we were setting up .. at the brownstone"

"That's great! " Not it was absolutely not and I felt it.

"I'm gonna be late for my class" with that Elizabeth got up and left, no she fast walked.

" Dude , she's sensitive about her dad" so this was what David was trying to tell me.

" Because she hasn't seen him in the last ten years" Isabel finished.

God !! Seriously! Uncle Tony has always been in touch with us, even when we were back in Washington. He always paid us a visit when he was in town for one meeting or other. He always told me I looked like dad and that he was waiting for me to take over so that one day he can retire and he always sent us presents for Christmas. So naturally I always liked Uncle Tony. But this man hasn't met her own daughter in the past ten years! Who is this guy? He's not the uncle Tony that I know. I wonder how Elizabeth must be feeling with all this. Why did I even bring up her father and why didn't mom warn me abt this? Not that she would know I would be talking to her! No she did know that I would be talking to her, for christ's sake she wanted us to talk to each other. No, if there's anyone to blame it's me. I messed up, I'm gonna fix it.

" I didn't know- I just-" I closed my eyes and rubbed my face with my palms

" Relax , she's gonna be okay" Isabel tried to reassure.

" It's okay man, keep that in mind next time" David patted my back

"Anything else I need to know, you know- "

" Just steer clear from anything personal...family , parents, grand parents.. you know" Isabel murmured.

" Yeah got it" I said sharply and left for my class too leaving David and Isabel and my lunch at the table.

Lunch was a disaster and classes post lunch gave me a headache. I wanted to apologise to Elizabeth but I didn't know what exactly I should apologize for. For having a better relationship with her dad than she does? For not knowing that? I mean I felt the need to apologise but I just didn't know how to say it in a more ... sensitive way. I don't know her class schedule. I want to that ASAP so that I can prepare myself for her presence. I'm gonna get my hands on it in anyway. I got bored in all my classes, everyone introduced me, few professors appreciated my grades, asked a few questions in the middle of class expecting me to answer but I never did. They have to know that I'm not that type, the over enthusiastic know it all who yells answers in the class. I only answer if the question is directed to me or if none of the class answers, that is if I know the answer ( I do know the answer 98% of the time, just saying). Through all the classes I just debated whether apologizing to Elizabeth was the right way to handle the situation and I plotted ways to get my hands on her schedule without being too direct or blunt about it. It was the last class before school and it was my favorite subject, math. The first thing I noticed when I entered my math class was Elizabeth. She sat in the last chair in the middle row. She sat with her hands folded , her long legs outstretched, like she did in the English class. She was staring out of the window so she didn't notice me entering the room. I quickly took my seat and ducked my head. God , how do I handle this. I wanted to look at her but I can't without turning around , making it absolutely clear for everyone including her that I was in fact looking at her. I like the sitting at front, especially in math and I'm guessing Elizabeth's favorite is the last. She sat at the last in English too. Fuck it I'm gonna look at her, wave her hi. I turned around and Elizabeth was still staring out of the window. Great. Our math professor was Mr. O' Conner. He did introduce me to the rest of the class but this time I stared directly at Elizabeth. She looked normal, impassive and she stared right back. Not a single expression crossed her face the whole time I stared at her. So that's how she was, giving zero clue to anyone trying to read her. For the first time in my entire life, I wanted my math class to end. As time ticked I got more and more anxious bouncing my leg rapidly. What am I gonna say? what am I gonna do?. Professor O' Conner handed out some assignments which I'm guessing were last weeks. I did turn back again to catch a glimpse of her again but the professor blocked my view.He was talking to her. She looked down on her report and for the first time in the entire day I saw some expression crossing her face for a fleeting moment. She looked, disappointed or angry. One of the two. The class ended shortly afterward. I waited for Elizabeth outside, I'm gonna keep it casual. She swiftly walked past me , I don't think she even noticed me standing there. Jesus she was walking really fast, is that how she usually walks or was she.. avoiding me? I have to know. So I chased her

" Hey, Elizabeth" I called out

She turned around to look at me, surprised that I was calling her name

" Hey Michael" Everyone called me Mike, or Mikey. Only my mom called me Michael, all the time.

" Headed home?" What am I 3? Headed home ? Seriously? School is over so obviously she'll be going home not stay back and mop the floor.Now is not the time to let stupid words come out of my mouth.

" Yeah obviously, school's over" she said rolling her eyes. I won't blame her.

I don't know what possessed me but I grabbed her hand, trying to stop her.

As soon as I realized I did that, I immediately let her hand go and that got her attention. We were in the middle of the hall staring at each other and God she was tall. Very tall. Many people raised their head to talk to me but Elizabeth barely tipped her chin.

I had to get it out.

" I'm sorry about earlier.. at lunch-

" It's okay, you have nothing to apologise for" she said impassively

" I wanted to"

" Okay, its okay, don't think about it," she was trying to brush it off. It was the first time I've seen her from this close. That brunette hair which is currently tied in a ponytail, her golden skin, which was still shining, even at the end of the day, those piercing green eyes , her full pink lips. Oh god how did I even manage to say those words directly to her face just a few moments ago was still a mystery. Too beautiful, too perfect, no one is allowed to look like this.

" Why are you staring" did she whisper? It must be my mind , it seems to be interpreting things a different way than they usually are around her.

" Because you're beautiful" I can't believe I said that, to her face, oh my god , I had word vomit, I had a brain to mouth dysfunction. I never have that. Ever. I have a hard time getting words out of my mouth much less vomit them.

" Looks are not everything, surely you know that" I was still stunned that I had a word vomit when I realized that Elizabeth didn't even look surprised that I said that. She just walked away. So I guess everyone who meets her tell her how beautiful she is. I mean , any normal person would be surprised for that sudden burst of appreciation or feel happy or something. It was as if she was well aware of the power she has over people. It only made me feel like shit.I dragged my feet to my car in the parking lot still reeling from the conversation earlier. It did not look like a parking lot at all, it looks like a high end luxury car showroom. Porsches, Audis, BMWs, Jaguars and the Royce Elizabeth was currently getting into. She had a driver? She doesn't even drive her own car? I mean half of the kids here had people who drove them so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Mom always taught me to do my own things. I even did the dishes and sometimes mopped the floor. I unlocked my Audi and drove home trying to avoid all the emotions only one person managed to evoke in me. That's what she reduced me to, a cocktail of emotions. I've never felt like this, ever. I never let my emotions control me and much less had a word vomit. She must have thought that I was an idiot. Or she didn't even think about me at all. I don't know which one was worse, looked down upon or indifference. At home mom was waiting for me. Mom loved working, she loved music and she loved kids. So she loved working as a music teacher but I haven't seen mom looking out for jobs ever since we came here, considering it's not even a week but it's strange.

" Sooo how was school? tell me everything, did you make new friends?"

I was making myself a sandwich and mom was lounging in the couch with her coffee. Thank God she was holding her coffee cup otherwise she would've squealed and clapped her hands with excitement and that's the last thing I want. School was a disaster.

" School was great mom, I met David, remember David Roosevelt, "

" The one who's related to the president, that's great honey! Oh and did you meet Elizabeth at the lockers like I told you"

" No mom, I didn't and how did you think I was gonna recognize her when I didn't know how she looked like?"

" She was supposed to recognize you dummy, you are the new kid , she could've spotted you easily amongst the other familiar faces"

"Rightttt! " How did I miss that

"But I did meet her at lunch , David introduced me to her and her best friend Isabel" I continued

I've always told Mom everything. Who's doing what at school since I wasn't doing anything, about all my crushes, my first kiss, my second kiss and about everything else in my life. But I didn't want to share my awkward encounter with Elizabeth since my mom was closer to her than I was.

" Oh that's nice, so how was Elizabeth? Did you like her?" What does she mean by liking her? I wanted to know what she meant and that's when I turned back to look at her. She looked normal, like she meant like her as a friend, not that I was an expert in face reading but I know my mom well.

" Yeah she's .. " beautiful? " She was okay"

"Uh huh" my mom was raising her eyebrows at me. That meant seriously you think I'm dumb?

" She was really beautiful and I told her that to her face, why didn't you tell me she looked like that" I said slightly exasperated.

That made mom laugh.

" Yeah she has that effect on people I guess, what did she say?"

" That looks aren't everything, " I turned back and resumed making my sandwich

" That sounds like something Liz would say" there we go with that nickname. You should know this by now, I hate nicknames. Poor Isabel, her nickname's worse than Elizabeth's. Belly. What's belly? how do you call someone belly? Wierddd. My mom's phone rang and it was Elizabeth.

Speaking of the devil.

"Oh Liz, I was just-"

"What do you mean gone?"

" I'll be right there"

Is everything okay? Mom looked panicked.

" I'm gonna head over to Elizabeth's, I'll be back later, will you be okay"

"Of course I'll be okay mom"

"Bye honey" she kissed my cheek and headed for the door

"And lock the door "she yelled

Something was wrong and mom didn't want tell me. She didn't tell me about Elizabeth's relationship with her dad either. I know why now. She doesn't want to disclose information without Elizabeth's consent. If I want to know anything her, I have to find it out myself. I guess I will because ever since I laid my eyes on her, there was something about her that attracted me and I'm determined to know what that is.