10. Just not mine

ELIZABETH

All the awkwardness that had built up during the week dissolved during lunch. I found Michael adorable. He's soooo shy! Aunt Rose wasn't kidding when she told me that he's gonna be the most shy boy I'll ever meet in my life. His distaste for nicknames made me laugh so hard. I don't remember the last time I laughed like that. He called belly with such pain, it was real, you should've seen his face. I took a mental picture of his face and saved it in case I needed a laugh. I loved the way he defended my sense of humor. I found wierd things funny, I have a very dry sense of humor. The best thing about Michael was his smile. Everything about his smile was beautiful. The way his lips curled up, his entire face lighted up , how his skin flushed just a little. I've never seen any one look so beautiful in my entire life. The best thing about his smile was how real and genuine it was. He didn't fake anything. He didn't put out a false sense of cockiness to hide his shyness, he openly admits that he's a geek and I think he's secretly proud of it too. I've only seen boys go on and on about how sporty they are, how not responsible they are, how many girls they've been with, as if that's a good thing. It's gross and it creeps me out. Michael is just the opposite. I hate people who are full of themselves, who boast about their family name and reputation. Come-on, everyone in this school has a background, so you better be nice about it, better keep your feet grounded. I never use my last name for anything, ever! So when Sebastian was slut shaming I was holding myself back from slapping him across his face. I knew I had to hit him below the belt. The thing about Sebastian Monroe is , he's an idiot. A fool. An immature arrogant asshole. I can't believe I slept with him. His parents are really good people. I met them a few times when I went to his place to fool around. I meant no disrespect to them, I just wanted him to get a taste of his own medicine. I've never been in confrontations or fights in my entire life. If anything I walk away from them. I walked away from lots of potential bitch fights. While winning those sort of fights would never make me feel strong, walking away never made me feel weak either. I guess that's why a few people do actually respect me for who I am. People who have seen me upclose and personal , not exactly friends but people who were around while I was growing up for example my fellow classmates or Isabel and David. I felt very happy and confident when David backed me up. I didnot expect it or need it but I felt happy to have it. It was his way of saying I'll always have your back. Michael was too shocked to react and even that made me laugh hard. How he just stared at me with open mouth. LOL, I took a mental picture of that too. Looks like my mind is going to blow up soon with all things Michael. The least best thing about Michael were his looks and he looks no less than a model. I immediately figured out that Michael had more to him than his looks. To reduce him by describing him as a good looking guy would be an embarrassment to his kind nature and everything else I didn't know about. I had a feeling,no, I knew it inside that there was so much more to him and it only pulled me to him. I waited for school to end , I wanted to spend more time with him. The more time I spent with him the more I wanted to. I sent our driver home and got buckled up in his Audi. I have been debating whether to drive there with him but my need to know him better made me hop into his car. God, I hate closed spaces. They amplify everything from awkwardness to tension, everything. The first thing I noticed about his car was how much it smelled like him. All of sudden my heart started hammering. Oh my gosh this is not happening right now.

Luckily he interrupted me

" So you don't drive?" He had a smile on his face, was he teasing me?

" I can but I don't have a license"

" Why?" He looks genuinely surprised.

He started the car and made it out of the parking lot. From the looks on people's faces , we will most definitely be the topic of gossip for the weekend.

"Firstly I don't perform well under pressure. Secondly driving requires a lot of attention. I have the attention span of a rodent and I live too much in my head, so." Why did I say that?TMI!? OH this was how he must've felt on Monday with that word vomit. Boy it's awful.

" Why do you live in your head?" And he went there.

" Because it's better than the world outside" I murmured and he didn't say anything after that. So much for feeling that our awkwardness dissolved.

" Mind if I play some music?" Oh please do that, please kill this uncomfortable silence.

" Yeah go ahead" I said a little bit relieved.AC/DC's highway to hell filled the stereo.

" Oh my god, that's my ringtone!" Now I'm genuinely surprised.

" Yeah? I love hard rock too" he said with that beautiful smile of his.

" I went through that phase too"

And just like that it was normal again. He seemed to be very attuned to me, like he knew what I was thinking and how I was feeling. I wonder how that was even possible. We shared our love for old music. Music in 60's 80's 90's was awesome. The best of the best. Apparently he inherited his taste in good music from his musician mom. Well I , I had nothing and no one to do anything with so that's how it was for me.

" Iron man featured AC/DC you know"

" What's Iron Man?"

" The film, that was released last year? Please don't tell me you haven't heard about it?" He looked shocked to hear it

" No i didn't"

" How could you not, you were living under a rock or what?" Now he looked genuinely confused.

" Haha, I told you I live too much in my head"

" So what you're a fan of twilight? Ready for the release of its sequel?"

" Now this ...I've heard about and no I haven't watched it or read the books" That seemed to shock him even more.

" Okay what movies do you watch?".

" I don't watch many movies"

" Kung Fu Panda? Harry Potter?

" Nope. "

" You haven't watched Harry Potter? Not one film?"

" Nope,"

" Atleast Sherlock Holmes?"

" Did all these films release this year? I haven't watched anything that was released in the last I guess 5-6 yrs "

" What did you watch then?" The guy is looking at me like I'm an alien now. This is hilarious. I was holding back so much laughter. If only he even how anti social I was.

" I watched a few french films-

" Are you really French?" He asked cutting me off.

" No! Who told you that?" What is it with me and being french? That's the most absurd thing I had to deal with in my high school experience.

" Nobody...I've heard someone , actually almost everyone assume that you were french"

" No, no no, I'm not french, I'm just good at it. Belly's mom is french, I loved the sound of it when I first heard her speak. So I watched a lot of french films and worked on the language" I tried to clarify

" Wow, that's great, so what do you actually do? To pass your time?"

" I, um, I mostly do nothing, I love doing nothing"

"And?" He asked encouragingly

"And what?"

" You said mostly, so that means you must do something not so mostly right?" He waved his hand infront of me in a 'you know what I mean' way. I was trying hold back information but I forgot that the guy was smart.

" I paint" I barely whispered this.

He looked at me sideways and smiled. There was something so different about his smile at that moment, it looked different than others. It only made me smile more.

"What's that smile for?" I asked.

" Nothing, just welcome to my humble abode" he said pointing towards a two storied brownstone. With the money they have they can easily live a large apartment complex or any modern home like the ones they feature in magazines but they lived in a brownstone. I know that they live here because it was their first home, one Aunt Rose and Uncle Robert bought for the very first time. If that wasn't love I don't know what was. When we stepped in Aunt Rose was waiting for us. Michael kissed his mom and made himself home. I kissed her too.

" Come-on Liz, make yourself at home I'll give you a house tour" she looked like an overexcited teenager.

" Yeah yeah, this place is beautiful Aunt Rose, excellent" I said looking at the large living room and the fireplace on the other side which was currently lit. The place had a rustic feel to it which only made it more like.. home.

" That's why you should consider living here." Aunt Rose said casually.At the mention of that both Michael who was on the stairs and me who was standing in the living room froze. Oh god, not this, not now

" Oh come-on, please, give me a tour first" I said and dragged her.

The house was fantastic, everything about it had character, there was so much beauty in every single thing. There were a lot of pictures of Uncle Robert, young Michael, adolescent Michael, so he was always good looking. The second floor of the place had many rooms and Aunt Rose said that they didn't usually go there. In the first floor there was a very big library that had a lot of books, three bedrooms that reminded me of luxury hotels and a music room for Aunt Rose. The bottom floor had a kitchen, a fireplace with a sitting area which quickly became my favorite place of the entire house, a big flat screen and there was a small backyard too. A large piano was present in the living room and a vinyl record player just right beside it.

" Does Michael play? " I asked tapping a random key.

" Oh he does. He plays the piano very very well actually"

" Thats great, I've always wanted to learn the piano". I always did.

" It's never too late and I'l always teach you" she gently took my hand and gave it a squeeze. I love Aunt Rose.

I didn't have a look at Michael's room as he was taking a shower .

" Do you want to use the bathroom? You can use mine over here or the one in the guest room over there "she said pointing at the rooms in the first floor I preferred a bathroom that was in use. So I quickly made my way to Aunt Rose's room. I peed, splashed some water on my face and brushed my hair using Aunt Rose's comb. Shameless I know. Like the snoop dog I was, I applied some of her lipstick too. Wow this looks good on me. A deep red. Wonder what this brand is? Ooh Dior.

" Aunt Rose" I shouted and hurried down the stairs.

"I used your lipstick, do you mind?" I asked like a child, everything about her makes me feel like a kid, one phase of my life I completely bypassed. She laughed looking at me

" Of course not darling, hmm looks gorgeous on you" she said examining my face.

" Yeah right, what's the shade ? "

" Look it's on the bottom"

Shade 872. Got it.

" Oh and I've used your brush too, " I added sticking my tongue out.

Aunt Rose pinched my cheek fondly.

" You can use anything you want dear" and kissed my forehead. I felt so happy, I don't remember being this happy and content ever. I wish I can be half of the person she is.

" You need any help mom?"

Michael who's freshly showered and changed into grey sweats and a white T entered the kitchen. He's barefoot. God even his feet look amazing.

Something about all of this makes me feel like I'm closer to him than I actually am. We were comfortable around each other sure but something makes me feel more and we didn't even know each other that well.What is this that I'm feeling?

" Do you want a coffee Liz? I'm making myself one"

" No thank you, " I said

"you ..uh..didn't ask Michael" I said pointing my thumb towards him.

Both of them laughed,

" He doesn't drink coffee"

" I don't drink coffee" they said at the same time. Right ! I should've figured it out sooner, why wouldn't a mother ask her son?, dumb ass

" So is your college essay done, are your applications ready?" She asked while she was making herself a coffee.Michael meanwhile lazed on the plush leather sofa and switched on the TV. I was walking around in the living room.

" Yeah I'll finish them on the weekend and yeah they're ready"

" Art school it is then?"

" Yep," To my horror, it is.

" How are your grades? "

That made me stop in my tracks and even Michael looked suddenly alert. Is he aware of the fact that I was failing? Gosh this is so embarrassing.

" Not so good" I murmured. Even Aunt Rose looked alert now.

" What do you mean not so good"

" Ummm" I tried to stall the impending embarrassment.

"How bad" she said looking at me sternly.

" I'm failing in math and bio" there I've said it.

" Elizabeth, why are you neglecting your studies and why haven't you done something about it till now?" Aunt Rose had her hands on her hips now.

" I'm not,! I hate math and bio is boring to begin with". I whined.

" How did you manage it until now? Did you have a tutor?"

" Ummm" she's asking all the questions I didn't like the answers to.

" Spill Elizabeth!Now!"

" No one fails us okay? You think anyone's gonna fail us at school? They know better and I always get it together at the end with belly's notes" I murmured pulling the strings of my dress.Aunt Rose and Michael exchanged a silent look.

" Don't look at your son! He's a genius and I'm not" I whined again.

" I'm not a genius"

" He's not a genius" they both say at the same time. Ugh , dramatic eye roll

" He's just hardworking' Aunt Rose said and went back to her coffee

" I don't know what else to do" Michael turned back to look at us from the sofa

" Fine. I will study okay, look I'm not proud of it, I will definitely work on it"

" Why do you wait to take belly's help until the last minute" Aunt Rose is trying figure it out I guess.

" Because as good of a student belly is , she's a bad teacher, I don't understand what she's speaking, that's why"

" Michael can tutor you" No! No! No!

Even Michael looked uncomfortable at this.

" It's fine I'll-

" That was not a question young lady"

Aunt Rose headed towards the sofa with the coffee mug in her hand. If I say no, will she throw the cup at me?

From the sofa Michael was shaking his head as if to say yes she will, so I kept my mouth shut.

Great!! What do I do now? I did the only thing I could, joined them at the sofa.We all watched TV and ate dinner late. Look, I love Aunt Rose but every dish was missing one very important ingredient: SALT. Michael and I exchanged a look the minute we put the chicken into our mouth. None of us said anything and Aunt Rose actually looked like she was enjoying what she was eating. So Michael passed me the salt discreetly and I mouthed a thank you. He just smiled in return . Michael looked very relaxed, like he's at home which he was but my presence did little to hinder it. It was as if he was comfortable with me being at his home and I loved how he was such a Mama's boy. Aunt Rose pampered him almost like he's a kid. Ruffling his hair, pinching his cheeks, kissing his forehead. I loved looking at them. It was a beautiful sight to behold, it only made me like Michael more. Most teenagers are not close to their parents. There was a sense of stability & comfort that Michael oozed and that's no doubt because of Aunt Rose, I just wished I had a family like that. That's it!!That was how I was feeling. I was feeling at home, I'm feeling like a part of this family, their family even when I'm not. Why do I feel like this?

" So , starting tomorrow Liz, work on your grades, okay"

What she meant was, starting from tomorrow Michael's gonna be tutor, shut up and do as I say. I quietly obliged.When it was time for me to leave, Michael walked me to the door.

" So tomorrow?" He asked leaning on the door frame with his hands in his pockets. What is he doing to me?

" Yeah tomorrow, "

"Here or at your place?"

No one is gonna be at my place and that'll only make me think everything I'm not supposed to.

" I like it here"

That made him smile which only made me smile. I had a wierd urge to hug him and whisper good night in his ear. I wonder how it feels to have his arms around me. Stop it !

" See you, El" he said with a smile. Noooo! He did not do that to me. Nooo! He did not call me El while I was LEAVING. I love it so much that I hate it. Why was my heart making a double flip and where the fuck is my voice!?? Suddenly I didn't want to leave that place and I always loved going back to my bedroom when even I was the alone. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and watch TV again.

" See you , Michael" I barely whispered against my will and walked as fast as I can to my car. He waved me bye and I waved him back. Just after we passed the block I sank into my seat. Breathe , breathe.

See you, El. See you, El. Those three words held so much promise. So much emotion that was so foreign to me. And the very person who despises nicknames gave me his own. El. No one called me El before. I never had the urge to touch someone in a non platonic way before. I never had the urge to touch someone period. Or talk to them, or spend time with them. Oh Lord! But I also never had the feeling of having a family before. Even though all we did was watch TV and eat dinner , I felt great. I felt happy and at peace. I felt at home and I absolutely cannot ruin it.Oh god, this is going to end badly. The relationship I have with Aunt Rose is far more important than the one I have with Michael. I cannot jeopardize it. High school relationships never work out and both of us know that . We're gonna head to college in less than 8 months. It's not gonna last,it's never gonna work out. Being in a relationship with him would be like waiting for doomsday to happen. Disastrous and inevitable. So no. I'm just going to get over with it. I've been doing that for the past 17 yrs I told to myself but you never had FEELINGS for anything before something else whispered inside me. So, this is how it goes then. He's always be Michael, just not mine.