15. With or without you

MICHAEL

November was coming to an end. It seemed like I came back to New York a lifetime ago but no, it has been just over a month. Today is Monday, Thanksgiving's on Thursday &Halloween on Sunday but we had the entire week off. El wanted to do some shopping and I decided to tag along with her.It's been a crazy month. The twilight mania was everywhere considering it's sequel just released this month.I haven't read the novels or watched films because I don't understand the obsession over a vampire. Come-on! lets be real, he's not even human! El being El had no clue about it. Me? I was waiting for the release of Avatar next month. I'm planning to take El with me to the movie and if she refuses I'm going to drag her by hair.( By the way I would never do that). El did a lotttt of shopping. The entire car was filled with her bags. We went to some premium boutiques which she told her mother owned(who's still a no show) Then we went to Gucci & Dior stores. Needless to say, they had hugee pricetags. I'm personally not very much into fashion but I do have some designer wear for public events and stuff which mom forces me to go to.

" We should've taken your Royce, the car is stuffed" I said looking back at the back seat.

" It's okay we're done for the day" El said dropping the last of the bags from Prada store in the back. She slouched into the seat.

" God I'm beat, shopping is exhausting" she said draping her arm over her eyes.

"When was the last time you went shopping?" I asked curious

"I don't know, atleast an year and half, I guess" she said further sliding down into the seat.

" Haha, where to now?" I asked looking at her

" Home, no wait a minute, I forgot something " she said suddenly sitting up straight.

" What is it?"

" I have to buy chocolate, lots of chocolate" she said shaking her head wildly.

" You planning something for Halloween El?" El is going to stay with us this week, mom invited her over and this time she didn't refuse. Nobody wants to spend Thanksgiving alone. So we planned to stay in the rest of the week, just the three of us, my family. Both El and I were invited to some of the Halloween parties our schoolmates were throwing but we decided to pass them. El told me that the only party she ever attends is the one David throws on his birthday.

" No, it's for Sandra's son, he likes chocolate, he surely must be wanting chocolate for Halloween" Wow. For Sandra's son. That's the thing about El, she looks like she doesn't give a shit about anything when the truth is she does, a lot. She just doesn't have enough people in her life to give a shit about. So on our way we bought lots of chocolate and reached El's apartment complex.

She packed her bags for the week, some books to study and unpacked everything she bought. On her bed I found a big box which looked out of place. I picked up to see what it was and found out that they were tampons. So I carefully put them back. Okay. El is a female so obviously she would be needing them. Behind me I found her laughing out loud. Great! I was caught in the act.

" Will you stop laughing?" I rolled my eyes.

" God you're so cute" she came forward and pinched my cheeks. The last thing I want El to do is treat me like a 3 yr old.

" Stop it ," I said grabbing her wrists " and I'm not cute" I said making a face.

She went back to unpacking her things still laughing.

" But you are!" she whined

" No boy likes to be called cute" I said as a matter of fact.

" So what you want to be called hot"

Now that would would be nice. No! It would be great coming from El. I turned to look at her and she was looking at me with one of her eyebrows raised.

" Yeah that would be nice " I mumbled plopping down on the bed avoiding eye contact.

" You do know you are hot right" she said while unpacking her things without looking at me. It made my heart stop for a second. Over the past couple of weeks, things were getting more and more intense between us. I was madly & deeply in love with her and the way she looked at me told me that I wasn't the only one in this. Forget her looking at me, I felt it in my heart, I felt what she was feeling, it was exactly what I was feeling.We just didn't say that to each other. Because there was no point in saying such things when clearly it's never gonna workout. So when she is telling me things like these, I don't know what to say. So I said the only thing that came to my mind

" Looks aren't everything" and turned around to look at her

"Touché" she said smiling. I laid back down on the bed and started at the ceiling. It was taking me incredible self control to refrain myself from touching her, stare deep into those piercing green eyes and kiss her full pink lips. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. Inhale and exhale.

" Come-on lazy head, time to go" she said zipping a big trolley. A trolley the size of me for a week? that's so El, I thought and laughed to myself. On our way out El went to Sandra and gave her something. It was wrapped. A present?

"Happy Thanksgiving in advance Sandra, take the week off and this one is matthew, from me" she handed over the big box of candy, a card and a small Armani bag. Sandra looked like she was holding back tears.

" Can I give you a hug" Sandra asked her voice wavering. El smoothly stepped forward and closed the distance with a hug.

" Of course Sandra, always" she whispered. Eventually they let go

" Take the week off, I'll see you on Monday" she said squeezing her

" Okay" Sandra managed to say wiping her tears.

" Byee" she waved her hand and did her fast walk again. We took the private elevator . On our way down I looked at El and her eyes were glassy. It must've been the first time she has done something like this for Sandra to get a reaction like that. I loved how she considered Sandra her family. I loved how she remembered her kid and thought of giving him something. I bet that chocolate would make his day.I loved El more and more everyday. In the parking lot she walked toward Trenton and gave him another small Armani bag.

" Happy Thanksgiving in advance Trent, take the week off" she said.

Even Trenton looked emotional. Trenton looked like he was in his late 30's. He always looked sharp and he was the most professional person I've met in my life.

" Um, thank you mam, I appreciate this" she was making a grown man emotional.

" I keep telling you to call me Liz or if you prefer Elizabeth, Trenton. No mam from next time. " she said and he just nodded his head.

" Bubye" she waved him and we got into my car.

" I never appreciated what I had before. Trenton has been with us from the beginning" she whispered as soon as she got in.

" It's lovely what you did El" I said meaning every word. I wanted to pull her into a tight hug.

" I just realized I had so much to thank for. I guess Thanksgiving and my period got out the best in me" she said laughing. I laughed at that too. El asked me to stop at a pharmacy and I did. She took some Advil and tampons and came back.

" All okay?" I asked.

" I think I have to visit the doctor again, I've been bleeding the entire week"

" Is that normal? I mean is this happening for the first time for you,?"

" It's been happening for a while now. I kept ignoring it and it became worse" she barely whispered. She must be in a lot of pain. Leave it to El to take care of herself.

" You should take better care of yourself El. Mom will take you to the doctor's" I said sternly and she just nodded her head. I wanted to take care of her. I am going to take care of her. That's a lot of blood loss I thought to myself. She must've been very tired. Poor El. I always thought women were stronger both emotionally and physically than men. They go through hell with periods every month, they manage our homes and yet show up to school and go to work without complaining. It always infuriated me how mom got paid less than her fellow male music teachers. That was outright wrong, that was injustice. When I take over our company I'll make sure shit like this doesn't happen and after today I'll definitely make sure our female employees get a menstrual leave or something.Mom always had bad cramps during her period and over the years I've learned a few massage techniques from my grandpa who helped my grandma get over hers. Now I'm going to give it all to my baby.

" Anything else you need? Anything to eat..."

" No, let's just go home" she said tired. I couldn't help but love how she always referred to my place as home. It was her home. We were her family.

" Home it is"

ELIZABETH

When Aunt Rose asked me to stay with them for the week I didn't say no. Holiday season makes me sick. It makes me miss the feeling of having a family and I start spiralling down. To help with that I've been physically sick the last week. I usually bleed for 3 - 4 days and I never had much cramping either. This time I bled like shit for an entire week, I went through a box of tampons within 3 days. I thought the bleeding would stop eventually but it didn't. I had severe cramping as well for the first 3 days but eventually it subsided. But it came back today. With Michael as my inspiration I started hitting the gym once in a while but I completely stopped last week. I hardly moved around. I shopped a lot today so that must be why I feel so tired. I gave presents to Sandra and Trenton for the first time and I wish to do it every year. I consider them my family, I always did and I always will.I usually spent Thanksgiving alone. Last year I went to belly's after I got too lonely. I never celebrated Christmas either because I never had anyone to celebrate anything with. This was probably the first year I've actually thought about the concept of Thanksgiving. It's essentially to be grateful for what you have. Everyone has atleast one thing to be grateful for Aunt Rose always said. Her words " if thank you is the only prayer you ever say in your life, it's enough" got stuck in my head. I've never understood the depth of it before but I do now. So I bought presents for Sandra, Trenton, David, belly, Michael and Aunt Rose, the people I'm grateful to have in my life.I really need to visit my OBGYN again. The pain only got worse. After we reached home, I unpacked in the guest room, took 2 Advil and crashed. I woke up to the sensation of someone kneading my calves and massaging my feet. They were Michael's hands. I would recognize them any day. I opened my eyes and found him sitting on the edge of bed. He was applying something to my calves and feet.

" Baby oil, mom always keeps them handy" he told me. I changed to three fourth tights and a t shirt before coming.

" I called Mom, she said she'll be home soon" Michael said and continued massaging my feet. I got temporarily transported to heaven. When did he become a massage expert? Is there anything he can't do? Oh Michael why are you so perfect.

" How long was I asleep?" I mumbled

" Just an hour" definitely felt longer to me. Aunt Rose has been going out a lot lately, she told us she was catching up with her old friends. Good for her.

" Where did you learn to massage like that?" God it was soooo good.

" Grandpa" he said laughing. He slowly made his way up to my thighs and massaged them. It was not sexual at all, I was seriously in pain.

" Turn around " he said. I did without questioning. He massaged my neck and spine and my lower back just above my ass and I drifted into sleep again. I woke up to Aunt Rose's voice and the scent of lavender? vanilla?

" Wake up sweetie we'll go to the doctor" she spoke softly, running her hands through my hair. I sat upright and found scented candles placed at the four corners of bed.

" They usually help me, Michael must've kept them" Aunt Rose said laughing. Michael. He gave me a massage & kept scented candles in my room. I fell in love with him all over again. I didn't see him before I went to the doctor. He must've been in his room. The doctor told me the condition was called meno something and gave my some pills. There were a lot of pills.

" All these? " I asked in surprise.

" They are oral contraceptive pills, they are the treatment of choice for cramps and heavy flow, use these for 2 -3 cycles" There are 21 tablets in each sheet for 21 days.

" Why didn't you tell me earlier that you had irregular periods?" Dr. Padma asked slightly exasperated.

" You short circuited my brain with herpes and HIV, that's why!" I returned the same emotion. Both Aunt Rose and Dr. Padma laughed at that.

" That's giving wrong history, that will not help you and me in any way" she said shaking my head

" Fine! I'll be honest from next time okay" I was too tired to argue.

Aunt Rose still had errands to run, so she dropped me off and went back.

As soon as I entered the living room, I smelled Indian food.

" You didn't!" I gasped covering my mouth with my hand.Michael ordered us Indian food , my favorite!

" Yes I did" he said smiling at me.

We digged in and I ate heartily.

" How are you feeling now?"

" Much better thanks to you" I looked at him and smiled.

" You can sleep in my room" he offered. Like hell I'm gonna pass that up.

" You made me an offer I can't refuse'

" You watched the godfather!" The surprise on his face only made me laugh.

" It was in the '70s ,of course I did"

Michael asked me to go upstairs and proceeded to do the dishes. As much as I wanted to help him I couldn't. So I went to my room, peed, changed my tampon, went to his room and got comfortable. I was feeling much better after the food. He had a flat screen in his room and when he came back he slipped under the blanket and we started watched Dark Knight. He always told me it was his favorite Batman film and repeatedly asked me to watch it. Somehow I didn't. Not that I didn't want to but Christian Bale scarred me for life with American Psycho. I was too young, I didn't have any adult supervision and I shouldn't have watched it alone.

" How many times have you watched it" I murmured from under the sheet, I was getting sleepier by the second.

" Enough times " he said with a smile and that was the last thing I saw before passing out. I woke up to the sound of guns and bullets and screams. Michael was playing a video game. Did I mention that he was a very very dedicated gamer.

" Sorry , go back to sleep, I'll mute" he looked at me guiltily.

" No that's okay" I said stretching my entire body.

" Batman movie and a Batman game,? Are you serious?" I asked Michael. I need to pee.

" Watching the film made me want to play" he said. I got out of my bed and walked to the door

" Where are you going" he asked looking panicked.

" To pee " I said laughing, where can I go when I'm in his home?

" You can use my bathroom" he said pointing his thumb backwards

" Not when I'm on my period " I said shaking my head. TMI. Michael just nodded and I laughed. He looked so awkward it made me laugh more.He looked adorable when we was awkward. Over the next couple of days I recovered and spent every possible minute with Michael. Apparently Aunt Rose was looking for some property to buy and was less and less at home. We didn't complain though.We ate our breakfast and lunch and dinner together. We did all the house chores together( he never really let me do anything though) . We watched TV together. We lazed around in the backyard together. We watched a lot of movies together! We watched all the Harry Potter movies, all while eating packs and packs of popcorn. They were so interesting, I immediately got hooked.' I told you so' Michael said.I laughed a lot when I was around Michael. I was happy when I was with Michael. We were only apart when we slept at night. His room was right next to mine. When the time to say good night came neither of us wanted to say it, saying it meant we had to separate our ways and neither of us wanted to. He looked at me with so much longing , I wanted to run into his arms and go to sleep with him. I wanted to go to bed with him and wake up with him next to me. For once I didn't want to think about anything else. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to be with Michael. I wanted him all to myself. I noticed him kissing my hair when I was asleep when I passed out the last couple of days. He would tuck me in and run his hand through my hair when he thought I was asleep. Nobody did that to me, ever! My heart stopped and swelled with warmth everytime he did that. I got tears of joy when he tucked me in like I was a baby. When I thanked him for treating me like a princess, you know what he said? He said 'you would do the same for me El' looking right into my eyes. The look on his face when he said that, reflected mine. It was full of love. Yes, I would do the same for him, without any doubt. I loved how much he trusted me. I loved how much he loved me. I loved how much I loved him. Oh Michael, what am I gonna do with you.? Or shall I say without you?