Jabez Wilked, my childhood friend since I was 7. Is in love with me this whole time and I didn't even notice it, until now that he confessed. I keep on telling myself that maybe he’s just too drunk and he doesn’t know what he is saying. I keep on denying it to myself, i keep on acting like i’m stupid to understand what is going on.
“Jabez, I don’t know what to say. I apologize for not being able to accept your sincere feelings. I loved you as a friend and a brother, that’s how I felt since then and until now. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings, I already caused you too much pain. I no longer deserve your love and loyalty,” I said as I tried to hold back my tears.
He’s been with me this whole time. He supported me on everything I do even if it will cause him harm. He always follows my orders without a question. He always takes care of me, he always has my back. He’s always there but why can’t I give him the same feelings he has towards me? Why can’t I love him back like how he loved me? What should i do?
“What are you talking about? I don’t care how much you hurt me, I don’t care if you don’t love me the way I do. I don’t care if you only see me as a friend and a brother. I don’t care about those trivial things as long as I can be with you. All I care about is you, Dristan. Your wellbeing and your life. I throw away my normal life to support you, I dirtied my hands for you, I stop loving anyone except you. Everything, everything that I am and everything that I have, all of it is for you. My life revolves in you, and I can’t live without you,” he said with a smile on his face.
I no longer can hold back my tears. He has sacrificed a lot for me, yet here I am. Rejecting someone like Jabez, someone who didn’t even think of giving up on me. Someone who’ll support me. I rejected someone who loved me for who I am. I started to cry when I realized how much I ruined his life. If it wasn’t for me he should have lived a better life without any danger. He should have a proper job with a beautiful wife and children, he should have been able to enjoy the life he is given. Everything is my fault, I dragged him into this and made him like this. I should be ashamed of myself for calling him my friend, I’m no friend at all. I’m just a filthy caterpillar ruining a beautiful flower who’s waiting to grow. I took away his freedom and happiness yet he still loved me with all his life. What have I done in my past to deserve a man like Jabez. If only I can give him the same feelings he feels towards me. If only I can love him like how he loves me.
“I love you, Dristan” he said before losing consciousness.
“I wish I can love you too, Jabez.”
~
It’s been a week since the death of Chris Liam. I haven’t talked to Mr. Jabez after the job. He just sent me a huge sum of money, he said it was a payment for helping him. Honestly, I’m still speechless of what happened. I heard rumors that Mr. Jabez was the elite of the elites, but I didn't know he’s that good. I’m still amazed by how he handles things and how he finds a solution to every problem at hand. He’s the definition of perfect in this industry. There’s this part of me that I wanted to see him everyday, I wanted to watch his every movement. I wanted to touch him and be with him. I’m really confused on what I'm feeling, is this an admiration or something else?
1 year ago, I was saved by Jabez Wilkes. It was when I’m in the verge of death and couldn't seem to find a reason to fight and live when he appeared, the angel itself. Lending his hand to me, telling me that I should continue living for there is still something worth living for in this world. I accepted his hand and he helped me stand up with my own two feet. He gave me food, clothes and even shelter. It was when I realized that there really is something worth living in this world. Since that day, I decided to live my life even if I have no one by my side. After a month, Jabez offered me a job in their company. I was about to refuse because I don’t have any knowledge. I didn’t even finish my high school, what can I do in a company?
“You don’t need any knowledge to work at our company,” Jabez said while holding a paper bag with food in it.
“What do you mean?” I asked. He visits me here at my apartment every day to check on me, he even brings food because he knows I can’t cook. I was really moved by his kindness; I can’t seem to take my eyes off him. I feel like I’m looking at a real life angel in front of me.
“The only thing you need to know is how to kill,” he said while preparing the ingredients for my dinner. I was literally shocked by what he said, my eyes grew wider and my jaw dropped.
“W-what did you say?” I asked.
He looked at me without any expression. “Are you deaf?” he asked in a sarcastic tone. “I mean what I said, if you wanted to work at our company the only knowledge you need to have is on how to kill.”
“But, why do I need to kill? What kind of company is it?” I asked. I’m still confused about what he is saying. I know I’m a homeless kid before, I steal and hurt people to be able to survive, but I haven’t killed anyone before!
“Because that’s what kind of company it is; I will explain to you the other details once you accept my offer,” he said while chopping some onions.
“Bu-but, I don’t think I can do it. I haven’t killed anyone!” I exclaimed.
“I’m not forcing you. If you don’t want to then I’m throwing you away,” he said with a straight face.
"What!?"