The Killer's rejection

I can’t believe I worked overtime! Damn, there’s too much work we can’t handle all of it! I didn’t have a chance to talk to Dristan. He’s busy talking to this attorney, I don't know who’s attorney is that, but it looks like they are talking about some important stuff. It is rare for Dristan to talk to people he hardly knows. We are strict at our privacy, it’s hard to trust anyone in this industry. I’m not even allowed to get inside and join their conversation. I guess it is really important, well I know Dristan’s going to talk to me about it soon. It’s already 11 in the evening, I was planning to wait for Dristan’s meeting to be over but he texted me to go home first. I didn’t argue anymore, I know he needs some space.

I arrived at my house when I noticed a boy standing in front of the gate. “Who the hell is that?” I said while trying to figure out who he is.. I decided to park my car on the road. I got out of my car to see who’s that kid standing at my front gate. “Hey! What are you doing in front of my house—Lucas?” I exclaimed when I saw Lucas with tears in his eyes. What the hell is he doing here? “Hey! What happened, why are you crying in front of my house?” I shouted. He didn’t answer me, instead he looked at me with a blank expression until he realized that he was looking at me.

“Ah! Mr. Jabez!” he exclaimed while wiping his tears. “I’m sorry!”

“What are you apologizing for? Stupid,” I said while opening the door of my house. I guess I’ll park my car later.

“Is this your house?” he asked. I looked back at him and nodded. I asked him to come in to talk about why he’s crying in front of my house. Did he hear fake news about me being dead or he’s just crazy?

“Sit down and take off your coat, what do you want to drink?” I asked. His mind is like floating somewhere else. It’s not like him to act like this. I wonder what happened to this guy?

“Beer,” he answered shortly while staring into space. I looked at him and he immediately snapped out of it “Ah! I’m sorry, Mr. Jabez. Water is good, not beer,” he explained.

I just laughed. “No. It’s fine, I wanted to drink too,” I said as I grabbed two bottles of corona beer.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jabez. I didn’t know this was your house,” he said while bowing his head.

“Drop the formalities already, we’re not at work,” I said as I opened the beer. “Here, drink.”

He accepts the bottle and we chug it like we haven’t drank anything for a month. “Not beer, huh?” I said while looking at Lucas who’s enjoying the beer. “So, would you mind telling me why are you crying while looking at my house?” I asked. I may be the one who picked him up on the streets , but he has no idea where I live because I never wanted anyone to know.

He took a deep breath. “I was taking a walk to calm my mind, but I ended up lost and when I saw this house I just stared at it until I realized that I didn't know my way back,” he said while looking down. He's embarrassed by his own stupidity. I can’t believe this guy in front of me is the same guy who’s asking me to go out with him a few days ago. Can’t keep acting cool eh?

“You must be thinking something important that makes you lose your cool,” I said while holding my beer.

“How about you? Why are you walking? You have a sports car right?” he asked. I paused when I realized that he doesn't know I just parked it on the road because he’s blocking the driveway.

“Ah! never mind that we are talking about you, stop changing the subject!” I exclaimed. “So, what are you thinking?” I asked.

“I-I’m too embarrassed to talk about it,” he said as his face turned red. “I just like this certain someone, but I don’t know if what I’m feeling is love or admiration.”

He’s such an open book, so that is what’s bothering him. “Well, you asked me to go out with you earlier so I think you really like me,” I said while looking at him.

“Yeah, that’s what I also think but--- Wait! What are you talking about? I do-don’t like you!” he exclaimed while pointing at me with his red face. “I’m talking about someone else!” What akid, does he think I’m that dense to not realize that he’s been watching me since I asked him to work in our company?

“Oh yeah? Then why’d you ask me out earlier? Why are you always following me and watching me from afar? How’d you know that my car is a sports car?” I asked continuously. I can see how shocked he is. Does he really think that I don’t notice everything he’s been doing? I was the one who took him in so I’m responsible for his well being and things he does, so I keep him in watch.

“W-what a-are you talking about!?” he exclaimed. He can’t even speak straight, and he’s still denying the fact that he liked me? “I just know because- because I admire you!”

“Admiration and love are two different things, Lucas. What you are feeling is definitely an admiration because there’s no way you’ll feel love towards me,” I explained.

I fully understand what he’s trying to say, but my heart is already set for someone. Even if he’s cute and all of that, I cannot accept his feelings. “I’m a man Lucas, you are getting confused right now because you admire me so much that you started to think that maybe you are in love with me.” I guess he’s suffering from an identity crisis, it’s completely normal for a boy his age.

“No!” he shouted. “I-I know this is sudden and I admit I’m kind of confused right now, but I’m sure that this is love.”

“What you are feeling isn’t love, there’s no way it is love. We’re both men Lucas. You should fall in love with a woman,” I explained. He’s still young and I know he’s confused about his sexuality. I don’t want him to be like us and end up being a play thing for other homo’s out there.

“Are you perhaps, straight?” he asked. He’s not even sure how i sway and yet he still confessed to me thinking that i’ll accept his feelings right away.

“No, Lucas. I’m gay,” I answered. “That is why I know that you don’t love me. You don’t sway like that, you’re just confused on what you are feeling. That’s what they call hormonal imbalance, it’s normal for people who're in their teenage years.”

“How can you say that? You don’t know what I feel,” he said as tears started to fall from his eyes. “I know I should not be feeling this, but what can I do? I can’t seem to stop myself. I’m overflowing with emotions and love for you that I feel like I’m going to explode if I kept it to myself.”

“I see, but I think you don’t understand what I feel too,” I said while looking at his eyes. “I’m already in love with someone else, it’s been like that since I was young. So confessing your feelings to me are no use, nothing can stop my heart from loving him. So, I would like to ask you to give up and find someone suitable for you. Have a normal relationship and someday you’ll be able to live a normal life too.” He started to cry without saying anything, he just sat there crying like a little baby. Dristan rejected me too, but I didn't even cry. I know someday, somehow, he will fall in love with me too. Crying isn’t the best answer, I learned that when I was young. After an hour of crying, he finally calms down. He stood up while wiping the tears on his face.

“I finally decided what to do,” he said while looking at me. “I will not give up on you,” he said while pointing at me. I admit I’m really surprised at his response, I thought he’ll give up and pretend like nothing happens. This kid just doesn’t know when to give up, he’s just wasting his time for someone like me.

“That’s not exactly what I was trying to tell you--”

“I know! I don’t care if you love someone. I will not stop until my heart finally gives up,” he shouted. “Well then, thank you for listening to me. I’ll get going now,” he said again as he put on his coat. He walked towards the door and opened it.

“Now, I’m sure. This isn’t just an admiration because I won’t feel this kind of pain if this isn’t love.”