Chapter 5
The hospital is much more quiet than it was the last time. It makes me feel uneasy and think the only patients they have are dead.
My palms are sweaty and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to stop them from shaking. My heart beat is so loud, I'm pretty sure the kid sitting next to me notices because she keeps on staring at me with wide eyes.
I growl at her and watch her eyes change from curiousness to fear. She starts crying and turns to her mother. I can't suppress the giggle that escapes my lips.
That will teach you to mind your business.
"Miss Claire Moyers?" The Nurse announces.
It's time to face reality.I stand up from my seat and follow the nurse to the changing room to change into that hideous hospital gown.
My mum is already with the doctor in his office, waiting for me when I arrive.
It's much brighter in his office and I get to take in the appearance of the doctor.
His eyes have a bright shade of blue. They are so bright, I can literally see them from beneath his glasses.
His hair stands up straight,but has been gelled down in some sides.And his lips have a pretty curve to them when he spoke.
His coat is hiding most of his physical structures but I can tell he has a perfect body to compliment all these good looks.
Is this what love feels like?
Calm your panties girl.He's your doctor.
But he's so hot.
And he's at least ten years older than you.
Age is just a number sweetheart.
You're so unbelievable. My subconscious rolls her eyes at me.
Fuck you.
"Umm..Claire are you listening to me."
The doctor is already staring at me,expecting a reply.
Was I listening to him?
No honey,you were too busy absorbing his physical attributes to actually pay attention to him.
Shut up.
"I'm sorry I was a little distracted. Can you please repeat?"
I totally nailed that. He doesn't suspect a thing. Now I have to actually pay attention.
"Oh it's okay, I was just saying the results of your test were back."
I look to my mum and she has a distant look. She isn't even paying attention to either of us.Tears are falling down her face but she doesn't even make a move to clean them off. She probably doesn't even notice.
I abruptly turn to look back at the doctor. I stare at him with wide eyes, praying and hoping that he gives me a hint or a sign that I'm fine. Hell,I'll even settle for him raising his eyebrows at me.
But he doesn't give me any sign. He looks sad too and his eyes are searching. As if he is gathering his thoughts, looking for the perfect words to give me a perfectly wrapped bobmshell.
I'm at a loss for words. I need to know what is wrong. But I'm ready for an answer. I know I'm a coward. But the Universe could permit to be a coward just this one time. Just once.
"Miss Claire you might want to sit down for this". He appears more calm now and no longer looks sad. My mum is picking at her fingernails and appears uninterested at what's going on.
I shift uncomfortably at the chair. It's not accommodating as it looks, as half of my butt is practically sticking out of the chair. Looking back at the doctor, I realize his name is Dr. Alexander Carter as the nametag hangs proudly on his coat. How did I not notice this earlier?
'Mrs. Claire Carter'.The name has a nice ring to it. I begin to imagine the kind of children we will bear. They will certainly be mixed skin, well because I'm mixed and their dad is white.
Girl don't you think you're getting ahead of yourself?
No. No ,I don't.
Doctor Alexander hands me an envelope which contains the results of my brain scan. My hands are quivering as I open it. The flap is torn so I imagine my mum must have opened it before me.
Is that why she's so distant?
As I open the envelope, I realize it's the results of an x-ray. Apparently a brain scan that had occurred while I was still unconscious the other day. I don't understand any single thing on this film.
I should really pay more attention in biology class.
Doctor Alexander must have noticed my confusion because he starts explaining." You see Miss Claire"_He adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose before he continues.Why does everything about him have to be so hot?
_"I believe that you have a brain tumour". He pauses, waiting for my reaction. I signal for him to continue. I try to act like my fragile little case of hope did not just crash.
He goes on to explain."You see,what you're holding is the result of a CT scan that was conducted while you were unconscious.It is a possible brain cancer but we still have to conduct an MRI to confirm this abnormalities."
I'm trying my best not to break down but it's harder with each information he renders to me. It seems like my soul has been detached from my body and all my pour soul could do is watch this unfortunate girl receive this shattering news.
My mum holds my hand and I look up at her. She looks defeated. I've never seen her this way before and it breaks me to know I'm the cause of this. I give her hand a squeeze and a smile to try and reassure her that I'm okay. At least I'm quite alright considering the fact that my whole life just crumbled down at my feet.
"We're going to figure this out." She says, like it's as easy as it sounds.
"So Doctor Alexander, how much time do you think I have." I try to sound brave. He gives me a quizzical look before turning to look at my mother as if trying to seek her permission to tell me. She gives him a small nod, telling him to go on.
"Well, most brain cancer patients last up to 5 years".That's good news right? I have five years to get my shit together before I finally die.
I smile at myself.Look at me being so
optimistic about dying.
Wait...
"What's the shortest time one can live for, one with brain cancer." I tremble as I ask, afraid of the truth that is to come.
"In the worst case, a patient suffering from brain cancer lasts up to 12 or 18 months." I know I had something to worry about. "So how long do you think I'll last doc." I adjust on my seat. My butt really hurts.
He scratches his chin before he continues. "Well considering your age and medical history, my guess is that you'll last up to five years, maybe more, if a treatment comes up."
I let out a deep sigh I didn't know I was holding. I have 5 years to live, how cool is that. I'm actually starting to look up to this 'new phase' of life.
"But_" The doctor starts to say. Of course there is a 'but'.
_"We wouldn't know for sure till we do an MRI scan and see the nature of your tumour. We should probably get to that now. Are you ready, miss Claire?"
" Yes, yes I am."
The doctor places a call and almost immediately a nurse appears in the room. She looks to be in her middle thirties and has her hair tied back in a bun. She carries a calm composure and smiles at me.
"Shall we go, miss?" She says, like she has rehearsed this a thousand times. I stand up and follow her with the doctor trailing behind us. My mom doesn't make any move to follow us so I let her be.
The room were the MRI is going to take place is bright, too bright and I have to squint my eyes to accommodate the sudden change. My nerves are a mess and I have begun to pick at my fingernails. A nervous action I inherited from my mother.
There's a huge machine in the middle of the room and it sort of looks like a tube or so, with a table in the middle of it. A radiologist is also present in the room. I believe he'll be the one conducting the exam.
"I'm doctor Maxwell". He stretches out his hand for a handshake. "I'm Claire".I reply nonchalantly. I need to do this as fast as possible.
"Well, the MRI is probably going to last for about 10 minutes or more if any strange abnormalities are found,so let's go on." I nod my head at him signifying that I understand, while the nurse helps me up onto the table in the middle of the tube. I lie down flat on it and squint my eyes because the light from the tube is aiming directly at me. She slides me into the tube with my eyes tightly shut, enjoying the feeling of this strange machine.
It doesn't seem like a minute has passed when I slide back out of the tube. Against my will obviously. The nurse helps me down from the tube while the radiologist keeps on looking at what I suppose is the film from my scan.
He looks at the film cautiously as if trying to understand something. My heart begins to race again. What's wrong?
"Well miss Claire"_he begins to say while still staring at the film _"we won't get your results till about a weeks time so I'm not sure of anything yet." That's a relief.
He continues before I can gather my thoughts."From the look of these snippets of your MRI I have here, it seems like your tumor is multiplying by the minute. You might need an urgent surgery to get a tissue sample for diagnosis."
What the fuck?