#6

You know how a fool in love looks at their crush with heart eyes and all? And then later when they reject you you nope around for weeks because you believed they are your soulmates? Then you find a new soulmate and the process repeats itself again and again until you learn a new meaning of love? Well that hasn't happened to me yet and I'm trying to prevent it but I'm failing dismally. After my sleepover with Lilah and she made me accept that I'm crushing Ryan my heart has been palpitations ever since. I look at Ryan with heart eyes and sighs and people looked at me as if I was crazy. When I'm with him I act normal my heart's erratic beating gives me short breaths.

Anyway Ryan has been moody lately and I didn't ask what's wrong if anything is wrong that's caused by me he'll let me know. My mom is back and she is glowing. I suspect she met a man back home but it's not like she'll let us know. "Mom I will have a friend over later please act normal and be nice." she looked at me as if she can bite my head off. "What does that mean child? Aren't I nice and normal?" she asked one hand on her waist. "Hehe... no offence but you're not a normal parent but you mean better." I ran away before she could whoop me.

"Anyway who's your friend?" Mom asked later when we were at dinner. "Uhh... Lilah." I said. "I must be nice and normal around Lilah the same Lilah I have know for years?" she asked. I nodded. "Okay it's Ryan." I said looking at my plate.

"Who?"

"Ryan."

"A boy?"

"Yes"

"..."

the silence was so heavy I could lift it. Mom was protective and didn't wasn't boys around me.

"Okay. Okay I will be nice and normal my baby." she said with a bitter tone. "Mom I didn't mean it like that." I said whining. "What did you mean it like? I must be nice and normal like a white woman and not embarass you and make up for my skin colour for your boyfriend?" she spat. "Mom you know I didn't mean it like that please. I mean it since you don't want me around boys I would like for you to not show your hatred for his gender I didn't mean it like that." I put down my fork. "I'm full. Goodnight." I pushed out my chair and went to my room.

Skin colour had always been an issue for my mom she was often bullied here in the states by Karen's and she hated it so when I have white friends she becomes extra insecure. I understand where she comes from I was called a mixed breed in elementary school but because of the person I am I didn't take those comments to heart. Kyle also was bullied but he started fighting back and before he got out of hand he was sent to S.A for a few mannerisms. I am glad I wasn't sent because he says it was hard.

I washed my face and got into bed.

*Hey* I texted Ryan

*What do you want?*

*Wow rude much?*

*Xaé tell me what you want.*

*Okay sorry I bothered you.*

*Okay*

I thought he'll be like "Oh you didn't just that I'm an asshole." but he didn't. Okay time to move on Xaé baby. I fell into deep slumber after a few minutes.

"Xaé wake the hell up you're going to be late LAAATE!" My mom shouted banging my on my bedroom door. I walked to the bathroom and showered and dressed. I went downstairs. "Hurry up ass face." I said passing Kyle eating breakfast on the kitchen island. "You're not eating?" he looked at me. "No Kyle hurry the fuck up!" "Language! Xaé let's talk." my mom said. "No can do we are so late." I dragged Kyle with the back of his hoodie. "Okay I'm coming let me go." he cried.

"You were rude to Ma." Kyle stated while I was driving to school. "Oh I didn't notice." I retorted. "Don't be a smart ass Xaé you have to apologize." I turned so fast I almost got a whiplash "What now? Look I didn't say anything provoking she's the one who jumped to conclusions because she's insecure. I didn't say anything about her skin I just wanted to control her hatred towards boys for awhile till Ryan is gone. If he was going to come and I don't think he will so Ma has to be the one apologising." I said under one breath. "And don't fucking give me being bullshit about being the bigger person don't." I warned. He nodded. "I guess you're right. What do you mean if he comes?" he asked. "The motherfucker is being moody with me and I don't even know why." I said with a solemn tone which Kyle noticed but didn't say anything.

We pulled up at school. "Bye Little sis I love you." Kyle said hugging me. "Just go fuckface. I love you too." I hugged him bag. "Ahhhh!" a squeal was heard after we stepped out of the car. "Lilah shut the fuck up you're dragging attention on us." I scolded with a whisper.

"I missed you." she cried. I hugged her "You saw me last week Lilah." "Two days is enough for bad thing and good thing to happen X." she mumbled in my neck I'm pretty sure we looked like a lesbian couple in the eyes of people passing us. Lilah finally let me go and we walked to our first class English. Yaay! Dealing with a moody asshole in the morning.

"See you at recess Lilah baby." she cringed. "Shut up X." I laughed and walked to our desk. Ryan wasn't here I wish he doesn't come at all. But I found myself looking at the door every second. "Ms Adams where's your partner?" Mr Bennett asked. "He's-" I was cut off by the door slamming open and a very disheveled partner got in panting. "There here is." I pointed at him. "I don't tolerate tardiness Mr Hearl. He nodded. "I'm sorry sir it won't happen again." Mr Bennett looked up and down at him. "Better not." he moved to the next desk.

"Good morning partner." he chirped. "Uh huh." I nodded uninterested but inside I was throwing a big party. "Let's get to work." I said and took out my notebook. "Are you okay Xaé?" he asked. "You have nerve!" he looked at me as if I was the crazy one. "What? What's wrong Xaé?" "Let's get on with the project Ryan." I said and he nodded. Good I was in a slight bad mood and I was at the point of outburst because this person infront of me aggregates me so much I could take out his throat.

When Mr Bennett's phone rung we all looked up. "Austin's phone hello?" his name's Austin? wow. "Uh huh this is her husband." He's also married? Well shit. "What? Now? Okay thank you I'm coming." he began frantically packing. "Where are you going Sir?" Mark asked. "My wife is giving birth work on the project I'll see you all when I do. Bye!" he shouted and was out of the door in a second. He is married and his wife was pregnant and he's going to be a father? Wow.

"That just happened. Hey look at this meme." Ryan shoved his phone in my face. "Don't fucking talk to me about memes. You want to be casual when it suits you? Sorry I don't come with "Adjust to Ryan's moody schedule" knob." I finally burst. He looked at me with a blank face. "I'm sorry Xaé. I have justifications I'm sorry." Oh no he wasn't going to do it. "Shove your sorry where the son doesn't shine let's do the project and go our separate days yeah?" he didn't answer I took that as a yes and got on. The fucker.