Chapter 4

I flipped on the lights and walked over to the closet. I kicked off my purple stilettos and stripped out of my burnt orange jumpsuit. I slipped on the pajamas I took from my bedroom, made myself comfortable in bed, or tried to. I twisted and turned until I started to get annoyed, and the sheets were more on the floor than on the bed. I groaned and looked at the time. 11:00, at least I don't have work tomorrow, yay, Sundays. I felt an ache in my toes and remembered that I didn't ice them. I sure as hell wasn't going to right now, so I embrace the pain. It was a lot easier to handle than the emotional pain—a LOT easier. I felt my eyes slowly start to get heavy and embrace it, finally falling into darkness.

TRIGGER WARNING- depicts assault. If this makes you uncomfortable, skip to the end of the italic writing.

" Guess what?" Jason asked. I smiled before pretending to think. I pecked his lips after looking at those beautiful brown eyes.

" What?" I questioned. He smiled and pulled me onto his lap. I giggled and snuggled closer to him, loving the warmth I felt, the love I felt. I swear I would do anything for this guy. He's the only one that noticed me for me. That didn't want to be with me because I was a Lockhart, but because I was Azalea. I ran my hand over his bicep and stomach, loving how my hand traveled over a canvas of hills and valleys. I loved that he was muscular. It made me feel safe when he held me like he could protect me from my past and from anyone who tried to harm me. I buried my head in his neck, embracing the smell of Tom Ford Noir; I inhaled deeply before kissing his neck.

" Stop sniffing my neck, weirdo." He said with a chuckle as he gently slapped my thigh; I giggled and pulled away from him before straddling him.

" What was I suppose to guess?" I said.

" My parents won't be home tonight; we have the house all to ourselves." He said while wiggling his eyebrows. I laughed and shook my head.

"You're already craving more of me, Mr. Whales?" I mock questioned. He gripped my hips and moved me against him. I bit my lip, stifling a moan; I held his face in my hands before kissing him with all the emotions I felt towards him. He was my first; it was bliss—painful but pure pleasure, pure love.

***2 days later***

I laid on Jason's bed; I'm so angry with her. She keeps trying to be my mom; last time I checked, she was dead. I've put up many things from Angie, but now she wants to force therapy on me. Of all fucking things, does it seem like I need a fucking therapist? I'm fine. I hate the fact that she thinks something wrong with me just because I don't do things like her, I'm not emotional, but that doesn't mean I'm broken and need to be psychoanalyzed.

" Hey babe," Jason said while stepping out of his bathroom with just his towel; on a regular occasion, I would pull him over to the bed and have my dirty way with him, but I wasn't in the mood.

"You're not gonna believe what she did this time," I said, getting straight to the point. Jason arched his brow and came to sit beside me.

" Hey, Azalea." He repeated. I mumbled a hey and went back to my rant.

" She gave me a fucking ultimatum, go to therapy, or she talks to the school and gets me suspended from Ballet. Like she's such a bitch sometimes," I said and looked over to find Jason on his phone. I grabbed his phone and saw what had him so preoccupied.

" Are you serious? You could have replied to your friends about this later; it's just a party like every other party that you guys throw." I sighed and moved away from him.

" Look, it's not my fault your aunt is forcing you to go to therapy; stop being a bitch." He said and grabbed back his phone. I felt my body go tense. He never spoke to me like this. Was I being a bitch? Was he having a bad day, and I'm just making it worst? Apart of me wanted to say sorry and do what I could to comfort him, while another part was furious and refused to be spoken to like that.

" Fuck you," I said and moved to get up; he knows how vital Ballet is to me; it's my only escape from this shitty life.

" Babe, I didn't mean it like that," He said and pulled me back onto the bed," therapy might be a good idea." He said, burying his self deeper.

I snatched my hand away and rolled my eyes.

" Better for who?" I questioned and stared at his bedroom door. A slight voice told me I should leave, that I should walk out right now and go for a breather, but I ignored it.

"Come on, babe, I know what will cheer you up." He said and leaned over and kissed my cheek, making his way down to my neck. I tried ignoring him at first, but I knew I had to put an end to this when he pushed me down on the bed. I wasn't in the mood; I really wasn't.

" Jase, stop," I said and tried to push him from on top of me, but he wouldn't budge. I felt my heart rate pick up. He wouldn't. He's just messing around.

" Jason, stop," I said when he tried lifting my shirt. He ignored me and made his way under my shirt and bra, grabbing me and squeezing hard. I winced at the pain and tried to push him away, but he just placed more of his body weight on me. He removed his lips from my neck and sat up, I tried pushing him off me again, but he didn't budge. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't find my voice. He ripped my shirt enough to have access to my body, I could feel his mouth on me, and I didn't enjoy it for the first time. It burned like his saliva was poison against my skin.

" Jason please," I begged with tears racing to my ears; I looked up at his ceiling; the last time I was in this position, I wanted it, asked for it, but now. Now I would do anything not to be here, not to know him. The warmth and safety his muscles used to provide quickly turning into the suffocating barricades that kept me captive. His left hand moved against my thigh and grabbed my skirt, pushing it up to my stomach. My body went lax, giving. up on the battle I was sure to lose. He was too strong. I closed my eyes trying to escape, to find a reality that wasn't mine, I searched for that reality all while wishing for death.

I dropped myself into my car, wincing at the pain that surrounded my body. I felt dirty, used. I screamed and punched at my steering wheel. Why do things like this happen to me? What did I ever do? Who did I piss off and is being punished for it? Why can't I be happy? Why do the people I love always hurt me? I tried to escape what happened, hoping that I would end up in a different dimension or drive over one of these cliffs if I drove fast enough if I drove fast enough.

*********

I jumped out of my sleep, cold sweat bathing my skin. I touched my cheeks, feeling the tears dropping.

" She begged me to fuck her."

" She's just as much of a whore as her mother."

" Slut!"

"Cheap whore, she probably would suck my dick for a blunt."

The nasty, vicious words from my schoolmates haunted me; they were far from the truth, but who would believe me over their most loved Football player. Everybody adored him, and they made my life a living hell. Drove me to the point of actually drinking and smoking. Angie almost had a fit when she caught me with vodka in one hand a blunt in the other. She almost popped a vessel when I actually opened up about what happened; It got so brutal. They would plaster whore against my locker and fill them with condoms.

I was even followed into the girl's bathroom once by a group of guys; they demanded blow jobs. Luckily a group of girls walked in and got them to leave. I guess not all of them were evil, but none of them tried to stop it. They ignored it and tried to save their own tail. I can't really blame them.

I cried till my lungs burned from the lack of oxygen, I tried gasping, but it just felt like water rising in my lungs. I thought I was going to die, and I was prepared to let it happen.

" Az?" Dallas asked; part of me wanted to run to him, but the other half wanted to scream bloody murder, but I couldn't breathe.

The sudden light temporarily blinded me; I felt warm and familiar arms lift me and sat on the floor with me still cradled his arms. I gripped unto them for dear life. He winced when my nails broke the skin, but I couldn't stop.

" It's okay; it was just a dream; it was just a dream." I heard him say. I felt my body start shivering as my panic attack got worst.

" Shhh, I got you; no one can hurt you. I love you so much." He said and kept rocking me, trying to calm me down, trying to save me from drowning in my memories.

" It was just a dream." He said as his hold on me tightened.

But it wasn't. It was far from a dream. It was just my sad reality, my heavy burden that I am forced to mold my being into carrying.