Chapter Thirty-Two:

"Turn down the music please!" My Mother complains but I don't listen, instead I turn it up louder dancing and jamming to my 90's music playlist. Recently she has been a real buzz kill, first my show, now my music... I don't think so. I dance in my tall mirror that is leaned up against the wall.

Life couldn't be better right now, no school for two weeks and my Grandmother is coming down from Florida tomorrow until New Years and she is the best... she always spoils Ethan and I with candy and money.

"Boy, I don't want your number, no..." I start to sing, very loudly.

"You were definitely not blessed with the talent to sing." I hear a voice say and I jump. I turn around and see Gabriel standing right by my window.

"What are you doing here?!" I yell, but instead of answering he looks me up and down biting his bottom lip and I realize I'm in my underwear and bralette.

"You don't get to stare at me like that now turn around and tell me why you're here." I tell him and he actually listens without complaining.

I grab a pair of sweatpants and a white sweater and put the pieces of clothing over my half naked body,

"It seems like not much has changed, you still don't lock your window." He says and I take a deep breath.

"You can turn around now." I tell him.

"Yeah, I like you better before." He says and I try to contain my smiles.

"What are you doing here Gabriel?" My heart races as he comes closer to me and my body is like a statue, not able to move.

"I wanted to thank you for the gift, it was sweet." I look away at my bed and memories come back from what seems like so long ago.

"You're welcome...is that all?"

"The note was my favourite part... it made me feel like we are good again and I like that feeling." I rub my eyes with my fingers then slap my head lightly.

"Gabriel..." I start.

"I miss you, Maddie. I made a huge mistake and I'm really fucking sorry and I don't say that a lot but I am. I thought I was doing what was best for you but I'm not and even if I was... I'm not strong enough to say away."

"No! You can't do this, stop playing with my emotions." I tell him, I back away from him but he moves closer,

"I don't mean to but I can't go on any longer pretending that I'm over you."

"I said no! You had a whole month to tell me this and the moment I move on and am actually happy, you decide to just come back into my life and make me sad again?" He places his hand on my face and tries to kiss me but I push him away,

"Please Maddie."

"You're too late, you waited too long. If I go back to you, your just going to hurt me again and I can't go through that pain another time." I tell him.

"I L-" he stops himself from continuing,

"You what Gabriel?"

"I need you, I want you."

"Well I'm sorry you don't always get what you want." I walk farther away from him, hoping he will get the hint to leave me alone.

"I'll tell you something about me! I was born in France and lived there until I was six, I'm fluent at the language and my Father is American and that's the only reason me, my mom and my sister have American citizenships... you never knew that about me, I'm opening up to you!" He says, but that isn't enough, he doesn't tell me important things like what happened between him, Leandro and Angelica... he only tells me the things that just were never brought up before.

"One time opening up to me wont change anything besides you act like the fucking accent doesn't give it away! Just because you didn't tell me yourself doesn't mean I didn't know! It doesn't take a brain scientist Gabriel!"

"You're the one who gave me a bunch of reasons why we shouldn't be together." I look away from him,

"And I can give you a bunch of reasons why we should! Please." He begs.

"Just leave... I can't do this right now." He tries to pull me into a hug, smelling and twirling my hair with his fingers.

"Please... stop hurting me and leave." I start to choke up and he kisses my cheek, moving over to my lips. Tears fall and as much as I want to stop him, I don't as well.

"Gabriel I can't do this... if you care at all about me you will leave me alone." I say and he stops, going down on his knees and places his head on my chest,

"I'm so lost without you." He admits and I run my fingers through his straight, moist hair. My tears end up dropping on his head and I can feel my sweater getting a little wet,

"I'm lost without you too..." I sob. I continue to run my fingers through his hair and cry as he stays quiet for a couple of minutes,

"But?" He says. His voice is soft and gentle as he continues to cry into my chest.

"But, I'm even more lost when i'm with you. It feels like a maze when were together."

"It's so hard for me to open up... I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" I ask.

"Rejection." We go quiet again and I breathe him in savouring this moment,

"I did exactly what I promised myself I wouldn't do." He says.

"What is that?" I wipe my eyes with one of my hands,

"I fell in love with you, Maddie, and I really fucking wish I didn't because it hurts so bad. Loving you hurts because I don't know how it is possible to just stop and I hate you so much for making me feel this way." I stop and pause, and the tears flooding out from my eyes stops.

"Fuck... say something."

"I don't know what to say... so much has happened in the span of twenty minutes." He gets up and delicately grabs my hands,

"Think about it then. I'm not going to force you to love me."

"It's the least you can do and I don't want you to say no just because you're upset with me." He adds.

"Fine... okay but in order to do that, I need space and I think you do too."

"How much space?"

"I don't know exactly, but I just need enough." I say and he leaves after agreeing and without me having to ask him again and I flee to my closet, trapping myself inside and hiding from the world.