Chapter Thirty-Three

I fell asleep on the cold ground in my closet last night and wake up to the sound of screaming... I guess my grandmother is here. My Mother and her have a best friend a bond and my Grandmother absolutely hates my Father because obviously she knows all the shit she puts my Mom through. I look in the mirror and see that I still have dried up tears marks and smudged mascara on my face from last night but who gives a fuck, no one in my family really asks question. I go downstairs and see her already ripping my Dad apart, lecturing him on how to be a family man... yeah my Grandma is badass and isn't scared of anything or anyone.

"Oh my, aren't you so beautiful." She drops the argument between her and my Father and comes to give me a big hug and a kiss,

"Maria, Ella se hizo tan grande!" She says to my Mother,

"How are you?" I ask her before bending over to give her a kiss on the cheek, I obviously got my short jeans from her.

"Eh, I'm still alive so i'm obviously fine." She always says that whenever someone asks her how she is.

"Merry Christmas Eve my love, your Mother told me you have a boyfriend... is he going to stop by? I would love to meet him." She is talking about Gabriel... when we were a thing. I have so many mixed emotions about him right now I don't even know what to say... he said he loved me first, I never thought he would say it before I did. I never even though he would say it period.

"No Abuela, he is busy with his family..." I lie.

"Your Abuelo always use to say he was busy before I found out he was sleeping with a hooker." She says with an eye roll,

"Mama, that's enough... lets start making the food for tonight." My Mom chimes in and grabs her arm to take her away from me. I feel like every women in my family have bad taste in men and it seems like I'm getting that trait as well. It's Christmas Eve and all I'm thinking about is Gabriel and Leandro... I already broke my New Year resolution and the new year hasn't even started yet. If me and Gabriel do work things out, I'm going to have to tell him about Leandro and I that wont be fun since we have a history of fighting. I don't even want to think about that right now, I don't even know what I want... I mean, I'm suppose to be over him by now, I spent over a month totally heartbroken and now I finally feel like I can to move on but of course he said things about him wanting me back and being in love with me. I don't even know if that's true, maybe he just said that to have me back because he thinks that is what I want to hear. I feel bad for doubting him but he said a lot of things before we broke up and then he broke up with me for trying to help him and communicate. My brain is all fucked up now, I don't know what was true or wasn't or maybe it is all true and I'm just letting my emotions and feelings convince me otherwise but I don't know. It sort of seems true because he cried... Gabriel isn't much of a cryer and he did over us. I'm so stupid, no one will support us again... my friends will probably hate me and think I'm a moron for going back to him and Angelica will give me a million reasons why he is a bad person and Leandro just probably wont talk to me for days or maybe weeks... is it worth losing the respect from my friends? Just to probably get my heart broken again? Probably not but at least Griffin and Rose may support us. I don't even know what I want, I don't know why I'm thinking so deep into this.

My Father tells me to take my Grandma's bags up to the guest room and I practically drag the heavy bags she has brought. She is only staying her for a week and she practically brought my whole closet that is surreal, I'm practically bringing ten bricks in luggage... I'm pretty sure she brought her vanity with her.

"Oh what I would do to be young and vibrant like you." I hear her say. I turn to face the door where she is leaning against. She walks over and takes a seat on the bed and I continue to make some space for her things,

"Take a break and sit with me." She instructs and I do. I take a seat right beside her and she wraps her arm around me,

"What happened between you and that boy?" She asks.

"What? I don't know what your talking about."

"Oh come on, I could tell something was wrong right when I spoke of him, what happened." She says... Grandmother's seem to know everything.

"Nothing."

"You can tell me anything, besides are you going to go to your Mother? She doesn't even know what to do with her own relationship and she doesn't seem to like that boy very much." I sigh,

"I don't know... we use to argue a lot and take a lot of breaks but then when I thought we were finally good, he started getting distant and I went over to confront him and he said a bunch of things and ended up breaking up with me."

"I cried for weeks about him and he even fought my best friend and when I confronted him again... he told me all the reasons why were bad for each other and why we shouldn't be together but now he is telling me that he regrets it and he fell in love with me and wants me back." I explain. She takes a moment to think and then starts laughing,

"Well first of all, he is obviously an idiot that doesn't appreciate what he has when he has it... did he tell you why he broke up with you?"

"He is complicated and doesn't like to let people in, that was a big issue that we argued about all the time but also a bunch of stupid things and he basically told me he did it because it was unhealthy and I deserved better... I think he was lying about loving me anyways, it's not really like him to say things like that. I mean he can be romantic but usually in situations when I'm mad at him or if something happens and I don't think he means half the things he says." I briefly explain, she lets out another laugh and tightens her grip around me,

"That's where your wrong pendejo, he obviously really does love you... he just doesn't know how to properly. Listen, the boy is obviously really damaged and stupid but that doesn't mean he isn't trying his best to change. If he wasn't, he wouldn't want you back and he knows his faults that is a good thing... what is holding you back from being with him again?"

"He hurt me bad Abuela. I couldn't eat, sleep... I couldn't even see him without breaking down and I know he is trying to change but I also know he doesn't want to. He likes being closed off and rude, believe it or not. He just wants me to be okay with that and I am sort of but I hate secrets and lies and he has a lot of secrets and I'm sure he lies to me a lot. I'm finally over it, you know? And I don't want to back track."

"Oh Maddie, if you really were over it, you wouldn't be debating on getting back together with him or not." She laughs. Getting up from the bed, she leaves me in the room alone, continuing to chuckle. If I gave her more detail she would understand what I am feeling. She doesn't know about the university problems and the doubt he still has if he will admit it or not... she doesn't know how many issues Gabriel really has and that's something I cant even begin to explain to anyone, even myself.