Chapter Thirty-Eight:
"Oh come on dear, at least try to be a little happy and help me pick out some decorations for New Years." My Grandma says. We've been to only two stores in the mall and I haven't said a word or even made a sound since I don't want to be here in the first place,
"Abuela, leave her alone. She is always miserable when she is outside with family. Afraid that her friends will see her." Ethan says, that is not true at all!
I finally break my silence,
"You little shit." I say to him and he sticks his tongue out at me.
"Why are we even decorating, the excitement lasts for five minutes, the most!"
"Because it will make your Mother happy, now help... I didn't bring you here to skulk, you must have been to this mall at least a dozen times, you know where everything is." She avoids eye contact once she mentions my Mother. I know she realizes how frail and brittle my Mother is getting. She is only in her forties and she looks like a old women. I know she isn't sick, she went to the doctor's last month and got a mammogram and a check up, I was with her. The doctor made her get all these extra tests because I know he sees it too, she knows it as well but she isn't sick... just fed up. Mother has always been a good weight, never overly heavy or too skinny but these last couple of months... she has changed.
"Yeah... there's a ninety-nine cents store if we keep walking straight." I tell her and she nods. I wrap my arm around Ethan, that seems to have grown.
"You're almost my height." I say and he gives me a bright smile. As we reach the store, Ethan stops pulling me to the side.
"Maddie... do you think Mom is going to die?" He asks and I shake my head.
"Ethan... you shouldn't worry about that. You should be worried about when your going to see your friends or what video games you're going to play."
"Please, answer the question." I look down at him and bend down to my knees.
"Mom isn't dying Ethan, she is perfectly healthy. She is just going through a rough patch as everyone does. Don't worry." I place my hand on his shoulder smiling at him but he doesn't smile back,
"If she dies Maddie... I have no one. I can't be left with Dad... he... he." I know what he is going to say but I know he is too young to fully understand it or even work up the courage to say it,
"If anything were to happen to Mom, remember I am here and I will never leave you alone with him but she is alive." He nods but I grab his hand, not letting him go back with our Grandmother,
"Promise me... whatever happens you will never touch a women or anyone. Just because he is a fuck up that will die in a fucking ditch doesn't mean you have to be too. Look at me, I turned out okay. Never become like that... your too pure and good for this world and I would hate to lose you because of our fucked up history."
"I would never Mads, that's like if I hit you that I would never do, even though we argue." I get up and pull him into a hug, my brother is a good kid but approaching the teenage years in a couple of years worries me. High school changes a person, life changes a person. I don't mean to sound selfish but if my Mom ever gave up and left Ethan all alone with that bastard, I would never be able to forgive her. He can do whatever he wants to me but he better leave Ethan out of it. He is a child, that still doesn't fully understand the world. He is old enough to understand a lot of things but he is still just a child.
We finally join our Grandmother who already has a cart filled with things, a lot of it is unnecessary but it is taking her mind off all the things that worry her.
She spent fifty dollars at the ninety-nine cent store that I never knew was possible but I guess she got her money's worth? I don't even know.
When we get home, she hides the things in the closet under the stairs, so that my Mother doesn't see them till tomorrow. It's sweet really, what she is doing. I mean she is leaving in two days and instead of thinking about getting herself some things for the trip, she is doing something for my Mother because she knows she needs it.