Grumpy

T: Are you going to ignore me forever?

Yes! Damn yes!! That's what I would like to say, but I don't want to hurt his feelings so i'm silent. How can I explain what i feel, everytime i see Tristan running on his phone when it rings.. and thinking that it could be.. Him.. how can i tell him these things without being misunderstood?!

What if i'm the one misunderstanding.. there could be other Jorge Juan right? Bitch please, i'm only trying to convince myself.

B: Have you called the insurance? - I ask trying to talk normally.

T: Yes, i did. I told you everything is gonna be fine.

B: When are you going to meet them for the damage? I mean they have to check out right?

T: I.. I don't know.

B: Can I come with you when you go?

T: If.. that's what you want then..

He's looking straight in my eyes. I know he will never tell me when he goes, because he doesn't want me to meet Jorge. I'm surprised that he's so worried about a reunion betweet me and him. I forgot what we had, i moved on. He means nothing to me. But i have questions... why he blocked me first, why he never answered my calls second... does he still love me..? No, no.

T: What?

B: Uh?

T: You're staring at me

B: Sorry.. i was.. - my hands are shaking a bit, why? Why now?

T: Over thinking. Again. Like the first times.

B: What are you talking about?!

T: That's how he makes you feel! Horrible!! Anxious, stressed! Forget about him! You never did!

B: He doesn't mean anything to me!! Not anymore!! You know that..

T: Really?!

Or course. I moved on. I'm a better person, i'm good. I'm fine and i survived to live my life not my past. I don't wanna remember those times, i just wanna know why he cut me off his life!

T: So that's why you never touched me.. because he means nothing to you, right?!? Because you love me right?

B: Stop.... - I can't talk, my voice just broke.

T: I've been waiting for you for almost a year because I love you!! I respected your spaces, your fears i wanted you to be comfortable with me!! And you never got over your ex...

B: That's not true!! How can you think these things?? I moved here for you, i changed my life for you!

T: YOU DID IT FOR YOURSELF!!!

Why is he yelling at me? He looks so mad, i can see tears in his eyes. My heart stopped. I did it for myself? Silence. Deep silence. It's true, i never allowed him to touch me...but I don't feel comfortable. It's awkward. It doesn't feel the same. Maybe it's too early, is it already a year?! I couldn't think about having intimate touch with someone else. Nobody feels like... like Him. But it's not my fault, it takes time! Come on. I'm over Jorge. His name means nothing.

B: I.. I never wanted to hurt you

T: Yeah, thank you!

He stands up and leave the room. He's so mad. I'm kinda paralyzed. I'm crying. I can't hold it anymore. It's ok to cry, but why does it feel so bad. It hurts. I .. i care about Tristan, he helped me a lot last year. I'm sure i can do better. I will do better!!

I filmed myself making a cake, the best i can do: apple pie! I know Tristan loves it and guess what? It's the one that i make better! I'm the CEO of apple pies. I do love my boyfriend. And he needs me to let him know. Here we go, a selfie more so i can post on IG and i'm gonna take this perfect pie to him.

I cut a slice of it and put on some powdered sugar, it makes everything better.

I clean everything in the time it cools down. So i walk out the kitchen and go to our bedroom, he's been closed behind that door for hours. I walk in, he's crying, he doesn't look at me so i sit next to him.

B: I'm sorry Tr..baby... i love you! For real i do.. i just needed time for myself to move on everything. What we had.. was.. different..

He's silent, he turns to me keeping my gaze, his eyes are red and full of tears. He low his look to the slice of pie, he smiles a bit.

B: It's your favorite!

T: Apple pie?

B: Yes! I'm a master of Apple Pies.

T: Mhhhh...

B: Come on try it! You can't judge if you don't eat it.

He takes the slice and bites it, he smiles and look at me. He looks a bit happier now. I sit closer to him, i want him to know that i'm here for him, not myself. I rub my hand on his back, he push his head to my shoulder. He looks so cute! I want to bite him, but he's not the cake here. It would be weird, right?

T: It's so good Benji...

B: So?? Have i won a kiss??

T: Maybe.... — he smiles and kiss me after few seconds. He can't be mad at me, he's not able to hate me. This love is so pure.

I smile and kiss him back slowly, he tastes sweet and his lips are so soft. I'm lucky. But why... why is my heart somewhere else.

The truth is i need answers. Then i'll be able to close that door forever. Forever in the past.