A Forgotten Lake

Sweet lips.. i can feel it on mine, the sweetest kiss ever. Is that you? After all this time, i can feel my heart warm as when you used to hold me at night. It feels so good. Where are you? Why I miss you so bad. Kiss me, kiss me again. Never let go, not another time, not again. Nobody should divide us again, we're soulmates... Benjamin...

Someone knocks the door, looks like they're bringing down the van.

Uh? I was dreaming! Weird... it's been a lot since i last had a dream which wasn't a nightmare. What the heck was I dreaming? Ahh someone keeps knocking, i'm up and open the door.

T: Uh.. Goodmorning

J: Wtf what time is it?! It's dark!

T: it's 5am... please I don't have much time!

J: Oh... you're the guy... yeah uhm.. we don't have space inside so can you please wait a moment..

He nods, i close the door and get dressed as i try to wake Austin up. He's asleep and looks dead, not a great time to talk about insurance. Fine i'm doing it alone. I go out and i pull down the table from the van, with two chairs, so we can sit and have breakfast. I feel observed, this guy keeps staring at me. It's creepy, looks like he's studying my moves. I'm just setting a table. I feel a bit cold, so i grab a sweater and wear it, in the meantime coffee gets ready. We don't have glasses so we use paper cups, it's fine and biological, so it's ok. I put two cups on the table and i serve the coffee, then i sit down in front of him looking at him and smiling a bit. He keeps staring.

J: Please have a sit! We need breakfast before talking about documents and stuff — I laugh a bit, trying to make the situation easier.

T: Uhm... I brought something.. — he takes a box out of his bag and open it in the middle of the table, it looks sweet! It's a cake.

J: You just guessed the password to my heart!

T: Is it? Apple pie?

J: It looks delicious! I'm taking some — i smile and take a slice of it, i bite it and yeah i was right, it is super good. It had something familiar though. I really needed something so good this morning.

J: It's so good.. you know my boyf- uhm.. someone i know, used to bake apple pies with American recipes. And he was really good at cooking! This tastes so similar, I guess you used the same recipe! — i laughs and eat all the slice, drinking my coffee.

The boy freezes. He low his eyes, he looks sad and can't hold his tears. Why is he crying in front of me? Have I said something wrong?

I sit better on the chair, and i bite some more cake.

T: Sorry.. sorry I.. didn't want to cry

J: It's ok to cry.. just.. i wonder what happened right now that made you explode..

T: He says the same thing..

J: Who?

He looks at me, serious face, looks hostile to me. I'm confused, what's happening? I grab my empty cup, playing with it, until it breaks. My anxiety is back, how can i stay calm, i feel attacked. This boy.. so weird..

T: My boyfriend. He always says that crying is ok.

J: Well.... he's right!

T: There's... just something I can't understand..

J: You should eat some pie, it's really good. It can help your mood!

T: Why you...

J: Me? Why me what...

T: What do you have... so special to make him feel like that.. i'm way better than you'll ever be.

J: I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm getting mad, why is he attacking me? What the heck is he talking about? I don't know this guy. I'm a bit scared, he looks so mad, what if he hits me. Austin is still sleeping, i want this boy to leave, now!

J: Maybe .. you should take pics of the van and then the insurance will do the rest..

He stands up quickly, he scared me, he takes off his phone and takes some photos of the broken side of the van. I'm shaking a bit. He looks like a serial killer now.

T: I'm done. And i'm going. You can keep the pie.... he made it with love.

I don't reply, as looking at him walks away. Thanks God he's gone, what was the problem with him? At least all this boring thing is over. Now insurances will do the rest, so we can enjoy our holiday! It's still 6am.. i'm not in the mood to walk around, i go back to the van and back to sleep next to Austin. That boy.. i swear i know him, somehow.

A: So... what time is it?

J: It's JeyJey is tired time. No, for real, like..can we rest a minute? We've been walking the whole day!

A: Hahaha! Fine fine, i'm a bit tired aswell. What about that apple pie? There is some more i think!

J: If it's not poisonous... — i laugh as lay on the ground, where we set a blanket. I love this blanket, it's all colored and it's warm. It's good when you have to lay down in the forest near a lake, so wet and dirty.

A: You ate it this morning and you're still alive! — he laughs, he loves making fun of me.

Silence. It's so good. Closing my eyes in the deep nature, it's so relaxing, i can hear bird's singing. And Austin eating his slice of pie. He's so gross, but i guess i like him the way he is.

In the last days happened so many things i forgot i was filming a vlog to come back to Youtube when i left Spain. I'm too lazy to grab my camera, i guess it can wait a bit more.

Austin is checking out his tiktok, posting some videos of him eating cake.

A: Yo.... Jey! Look at this.. isn't he the guy?!

J: Who?

A: It's Tristan... Valdez.. Look! On my FYP!

Whaaat! For real? He has tik tok? He looked so boring though, i can't imagine him doing tik toks. I stand up and sit close to Austin and he shows me his phone, opening his profile: Tristan Valdez. His name is spanish, or similar. But he can't be Spanish, he's totally American. I scroll down his videos and watch some, it's weird, i know the songs he uses. The coincidence is that i used all these songs in 2019 for my videos. Creepy. Maybe he's a stalker? How did he find me.. oh yeah, he almost killed us in a incident.

A: Oh my.... look at this!! Is this.. oh my Lord is this?? Whaaaaaaaat!!

J: ... ... ...

"You know my boyf- uhm... someone i know, used to bake apple pies"

"You can keep the cake"

"He made it with love"

"Why you"

"I'm way better than you'll ever be"

All of sudden everything stopped: my heart, my breath, the sounds around me. Everything freezed. His words resounding in my head, apple pies, we.. we baked together.. his boyfriend. I can't breath, I can't think. It can't be like that, why he posted tik toks with ... and they're like.. cuddling... i'm shaking.

J: It... it can't be.... no! No!! It can't be!!!

A: Jey.. are you ok?! Bro! Breath.. calm down!

J: I can't believe i had to meet his new love when i just- aaaaaaa!!!!!

I scream, holding my face with my hands. This is a nightmare right? I'm waking up right?!? He moved on for real, he has a new lover, he.. i lost him forever now..

I'm crying, i can't stop. My heart is so heavy, my breath hurts. I don't know what to do, why it hurts so bad. I wanted to save his life, and he chose to live happily. I should be happy, but i'm not his.. i'm not his happiness, i never was.

I let the phone drop and i lay down covering my face with my hands, pushing fingers on my eyes. Stop crying! Stop crying!! It's not my business anymore. So that's why he was so hostile to me, he knows who i am.. who i am. Is he Jealous?! Maybe.. does Benji know that i'm in LA?! No, no way! Stay out of his life Jey, you promised to let him be happy!!! He has to survive, he has to live... he has to love and be happy. Deep breath. Close my eyes, and i calm down. What if... he knows where i am..

~  05:00 am -

Austin's phone rings. It's so early, why Americans wake up so early in the morning?! Jeez.. it keeps ringing, i hit Austin on his arm to wake him up. So he answers the phone.

A: Hallo?! ... hello? Can you hear me?

Nobody answer on the other side, it's just a deep breath. Austin keeps asking who is it. Nobody answers.

A: Fuck off...

Weird. Americans are so weird. He closes the calls and we go back to sleep.