White Flowers

T: Baby? You've been in bed the whole day.. are you ok? .. Benji..

I'm the saddest person on this planet right now, i wish I wasn't here to tell you this. I wish i could be.. gone. It hurts. I didn't want to believe it, when Tris told me He was with someone. I waited until 5 am so that he was sleeping, i called that number.. it was the right number. Not JJs tho.. but someone answered. A different voice. His new boyfriend..?

No! I don't even wanna think about it. It's not true. It can't be true. I've been crying the whole night, it's 16 pm and i'm still crying in bed. I don't want to eat, my heart hurts, i feel empty.

I cover my face with my blankets, yellow blankets, he would have loved it. I'm checking old photos on my gallery... what happened? Why do we hate each other now? I could never hate him. I wish i could text him and ask if he hates me but... He blocked me on every social media, i tried to text his dms with a fake fan account.. but he's not on socials at all. It hurts. Were you with your new boyfriend for all this time?!

T: Can you tell me what's going on?

B: Can.. can we please go meeting the guys for the crash thing? I need to talk to him.

T: It's .. it's already fine. We fixed it.

B: What? You said i could come with you!

T: It wasn't necessary.

He looks so mad, i should be the one who gets angry here! I knew he would never take me there. I ignores his presumption, and cover myself with blankets again. He's so scared of me meeting Jorge. I guess he doesn't trust me at all, but i have to end this story for the good. And forever. I can hear him walking out the room. He left his phone on my bedside table. I'm checking out his Maps, he can't drive without it, so he must have used it to reach Jorge. Yes!! I found the address, it's.. a bit far, but i'm going now.

I guess camping in a hippie van with your boyfriend on a lakeshore is totally what Jey would do. He's always been so romantic. I have to hurry before it gets worse. I stand up quickly and grab some clothes, my shoes, my phone.

I have a terrible feeling, my mind is blind, crossed with bad thoughts. What if he moved on? So easily? Without explanation... I leave the house and call a taxi. I'm coming.. i'm coming. Please wait for me.. i have so many questions.

Finally, the taxi is here. I enter quickly and show the driver the location of the lake, so we go. I came to LA to start a new life, why i can't let him go? The only thought of him being touched by someone else... i might become a serial killer. No! He's not in love. He can't be in love. I know him.. i swear i know him better than anyone. I'm staring outside the car glass and it's almost the sunset, hurry driver hurry! I need to talk to him right now!

Whatsapp: 👽 Tris

▪️ Where the fuck are you?!

▪️Benji?!? Answer!!

▪️Why?! You couldn't really forget him duh!!

▪️ I hate you. I HATE YOU!!!!

I'm not answering. I'm sorry, how can i start a relationship with someone that cares so much about me without even clear up what happened with the only one who still owns my heart. I can't do it. I need answers myself.

We arrived. I pay the driver and thank him for the service, i walk out the car looking around. This is the right location. I can see the van, oh God, my hands are shaking. I can feel the ground trembling under my feet, deep breath, i walk closer. I can see the damage of the van, Jorge must have been scared, it looks really bad. Thankfully nobody got hurt. The door is closed, i try to knock but nobody's going to answer. So i walk around the van and look through a window to see inside. Someone's sleeping, but it doesn't look like Him. Who the hell is this guy... why there's only one bed?!?

J: ... What are you doing?!? Why are you here?!?

I can feel chills down my back. His voice... his voice.. i'm shaking. My eyes are already full of tears, i can't cry! I have to let him go for the good. I turn around slowly, looking at him. He was walking near the lake, so he saw me arrive..His eyes... why?! Why he has to be so pretty? I always loved his mad face. He looks so angry and worried, he grows his hair.. his curly hair. He's on the edge of crying. I want to talk but my voice is broken, i can't, i look so stupid now. I walk closer and i can't hold my tears. I'm crying. I wanna hug him so bad.

B: Hey.. I.. I needed to see you..

J: Why?! You ruined everything yet it's not enough?!

B: Excuse me?! Now it's me?!

J: Get away from here! I don't wanna see you again!!

B: But..why.. please i just wanna talk..

J: And then what?! Go back home to your boyfriend as you didn't break my heart again?! What the fu- what do you want me to say?!

Why is he so aggressive... Baby why are you so mad at me? I want to talk.. my heart hurts, i'm broken, why can't we just kiss and enjoy the silence? I walk closer but he steps behind, he doesn't want me next to him. Why? Baby what's wrong?!

B: Jorge please i just want to kno-

J: You couldn't wait to get rid of me... you blamed it all on me to make me disappear and you did it!! Are you happy now?! Leave me alone!!

What?! What is he talking about.. he's so mad at me .. I can't understand! I never wanted it to be blamed on him, i never hated him, I couldn't control the Internet. My love why you hate me so much... i just wanted to talk... i need to.. i should let you go, but it's so hard now to just walk back.

B: I FUCKING LOVE YOU JORGE!!!

I couldn't hold it anymore. I said it. Finally admitting to myself i never got over that fucking August 21st. I had the worst mental break down of my life and since then everything is black. I can't remember, i just know i woke up into an hospital and he wasn't there. He... the love of my life... gone without saying a word. What happened next was anger followed by fear and loneliness. I missed him so much I couldn't breath at night, nightmares during my days. He blocked me everywhere, my parents didn't let me contact him and I wasn't able to travel either. I thought i could delete what i felt for him just pretending it was his fault. But i was wrong. He's frozen now, looking at me shocked, he steps behind and turn his back to me.. where are you going? No! I'm not gonna let you run away from me, not again!

B: Jorge.. Please!! My world is falling apart.... and you're the only one who can understand!! I didn't want to die.. i only wanted.. i wanted to be happy with you... I love you!!!

— I'm screaming, crying, my voice is so loud and broken —

Why you gone?!?!?

— i keep following him walking and loud my voice —

.. WHY DID YOU LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE?!?!?

— i can't anymore, i'm exploding —

Why you didn't answer my calls.......

— i stop walking, my heart hurts so much i can't breath, holding my chest, i can see he stopped aswell.

He turns his look to me, he's broken. I'm shaking and looking into his eyes. We're both crying, he walks to me.. he's coming closer, and fast, i'm shaking more. I wanna kiss him so bad.. he opens his arms and hug me so strongly, tightly, as he would never want to leave that hug.

J: I'm so sorry... i'm sorry.. please i'm so sorry!!!

He's sobbing, his voice is so broken and low, but i can feel it in my heart, on my skin. His head close to my neck, holding him in my arms as i used to do. I missed him so fucking much. What happened to us?! What the hell happened?! Why are we crying and breaking each other when the only good thing we can do is being together..

(End of part 1)