Chapter 21 - UglyMugNoBallsBrothers

Two days went by and nothing happened, making Marc frustrated and bored as hell. He couldn't even train his Paw Magic as it would be bad if the killers saw it and decided not to take the bait.

Although he could sit down and talk with Lisa over a cup of tea, Marc has never been that type of person. He would rather get an adrenaline kick before getting drunk.

Right now Marc's sitting with his head on the table, feeling that his new life is meaningless, that's how bored he is. That was until Lisa said with a low voice that only Marc could hear. "I think we are being watched…" and Marc instantly got energetic and wanted nothing more than beat the living shit out of them.

But Marc couldn't help asking with wonder "How do you know?"

"I'm not the best Celestial Mage on the continent for nothing. I can use my Celestial Spirits perception to expand my senses without summoning them. And as you properly know, some of them are parts of animals making their instincts top notch. You know I'm not the best Celestial Mage in the kingdom for nothing." Lisa couldn't help puffing her gigantic chest making the two rabbits jingle, and Marc couldn't help stare at them with fascination because they might defy gravity.

When Lisa caught Marc staring at her breasts she couldn't help covering them with her hands and say "It's rude to stare at women's chest!"

"Well, my grandpa once told me that I have to burn life's treasures into my memory so I wouldn't forget them when I get old, so I will do just that," Marc revealed one of the many life lessons his grandpa has given him, and proceed to stare at the shy Lisa.

"You!? Are you sure this is what your grandpa meant? Being a pervert?" Lisa couldn't help asking if Marc misunderstood his teachings.

"No, I'm positive. Though my gramps would do it secretly because he was a closet pervert. I'm a real pervert and would never do it sneakily. A front-row seat is after all much better for a man of culture like me!" Marc slandered his grandfathers' righteous image.

…

"Achoo" Marc's grandfather sneezed in heaven.

"What's wrong honey? Is our cute little grandson thinking of us again?" Marc's grandmother asked with a smile while thinking of Marc.

"I think so…But I have a feeling he's slandering my good image…" Marc's grandfather thought while touching his beard.

"Nonsense, little Marc would never do that. If he's speaking badly of you, it would be the truth and nothing more!" Marc's grandmother defended Marc like always.

"Wha-? You are the one speaking nonsense. I have no bad qualities!" Grandfather hit his chest with pride and said.

"Then how about the time in high school where you peeked at me bathing in the hot springs on our school trip Mr. Closet Pervert?" Grandmother retorted.

"Wha-? You knew? Eh? Ah? What are you talking about?" Marc's grandfather unknowingly confessed and couldn't help being ashamed and wanted to run away.

"Don't bother denying it. I already knew you were there!" Marc's grandmother said with fake disdain.

"Then why didn't you get angry or say anything?" Grandfather wanted to know.

Grandmother couldn't help lowering her head that was furiously blushing after hearing the question and answered with a mosquito voice. "Because-because…I wanted you to see…" She said before running away.

"…"

Marc's grandfather just sat there with his mouth wide open, and wondered how lucky he was, and hoped his grandson didn't know of his previous peeking adventures.

…

Lisa nodded with a little satisfaction. She hated those men who hid their secret desires under a mask. She has met tons of people that had hidden intentions and she hated that type.

"Earlier you said you were the strongest Celestial Mage in the kingdom not on the continent?" Marc asked.

"No, I meant the kingdom, after all, I don't know if there are stronger Celestial Mages in the other countries. I have only traveled the neighboring countries and know next to nothing about the other countries." Lisa explained her reasoning and Marc just nodded in understanding.

"So do you know where our guests are?" Marc wanted to know where the hiding murders are.

"No, I don't know. It seems like they have some skill to be able to conceal themselves from me. We have to wait until they reveal themselves." Lisa said.

"More waiting? Can't be helped, guess I will give them a push then." Marc was fed up with waiting so long and wanted to force them to attack. Lisa looked curiously at what Marc wanted to do. She has a lot more experience than Marc, but despite that, she didn't know what he had in mind.

Marc walked outdoors and began collecting ball-sized stones and began drawing ugly faces on them. "This is Joe, William, Jack, and Averell. They are all brothers. They have a half-brother too but never mind him…"

"And?" Lisa asked still not understanding what he's doing.

Marc nodded and said "They got stoned so much that they turned into stone themselves a few days ago at the square. And now they are even uglier than a donkey's ass. They are trolls…" Marc said with a funny face and a highly dramatic voice, making Lisa giggle and their hidden guests angry.

Marc proceeds to tell his new crap story. "When the sun's up they turn into stones, and when the night falls they turn into green ugly trolls that made their mother die of shock. They ate women and children because they were cowards that had no balls. They were the UglyMugNoBallsBrothers…"

"…"

Lisa was speechless at his bad naming sense, and now realized what he was trying to do, but she doesn't think it will work. After all, you would have to be such a big idiot to be baited by such a silly story.

"DIE!!!" A figure clad in black ropes suddenly came up behind Marc with two daggers, wanting to plant them into his chest.

"WATCH OUT!!" Yelled Lisa panicky, because she truly didn't think anyone would attack because of a childish story.

Marc felt his blood pumping and instinct screaming to run, but instead, he quickly activated his Paw Magic and crouched and touched the assassin's foot, sending his feet flying backward while he literally ate the dirt face first.

Lisa ran up to Marc and wanted to help him, but out of nowhere another assassin attacked her back with a short sword. She quickly turned around and crossed her arms while a pair of gold gauntlets began manifesting on her hands. When the sword made contact with it a sound of metal reverberated the area and the assassin was pushed back 10 meters while Lisa was 2 meters.

"Who the hell are you? You aren't an ordinary mage!" It was the assassin leader that attacked Lisa, while the talkative one attacked Marc.

After she heard the assassin leader's question, Lisa canceled her Transformation Spell she used on herself and she transformed to her original beautiful self, making the leader awed before quickly realizing who's in front of him.

"Lisa Heartfilia…" The assassin leader said with an emotionless voice, but if you listened carefully there was a hint of regret hidden behind it.

"Retrea-" Before the assassin leader could order a retreat, Lisa said interrupted by saying "You aren't going anywhere!!" Before she charged with her gold-glowing gauntlets, wanted to hit his chest but he smoothly dodged because Lisa's speed was pretty slow, but she redirected the blow to the ground and a 13-meter radius crater was made, making the leaders footing bad but Lisa didn't charge again.

Instead, she took out a black key.

Back where Marc just sent his sneak attacker flying across the ground. The attacker quickly got up and Marc saw the assassin with a dirt-covered face and a flower on his head. "Gegegge, you are really making me angry!!" Said the assassin while spitting out dirt from his mouth.

Marc just watched the assassin for a second before he smashed his hand with his fist like he just solved something and said "You must have anger issues then. You should go see a psychologist. I have been recommended seeing one myself but I declined."

The assassin didn't understand what Marc was talking about, but he understood that he was being mocked, and he didn't like it. Only he was allowed to mock others as he has always done.

***

(A/N: Should I create some new Celestial Spirits/keys that Lisa uses? And if so do you have any recommendations?)

(Words: 1439)