SOMEWHERE I CAN BE MYSELF (KATIE'S POV)

KATIE'S POV

— NOVEMBER 26, 2020 —

I can't get them out of my head, it's like they're the actual demons inside my head... but in real life. I try— tried my best to ignore their whispers inside my ears. I tried everything to stop them from spreading false accusations and lies, but no one listened.

'Follow your heart', my ass. Where did they even go? They false accuse me. They think they're all better than me. I was and still diagnosed with ADHD and Depression, they know that... but they don't actually understand that when it's combined, it's shit.

Especially when you have Multi-Personality. I hate that disorder. "Go kill youself in Wuhan, China! No one will never know you fake your fucking death there!" The demon whispers to my left ear.

"You're a bitch, and always will be." Another one whispers on my right ear, as I cover both of my ears and close my eyes as I go to a corner of my room.

"Stop, please. I'm already sorry!!" I said as I cry. I didn't mean to do it! I was actually taking a break after the attempt I did, and I didn't want to bother the girls, so I didn't message them.

They don't understand me, no one will. I'm not normal like them, like what my grandma told my stepdad when I was being— nevermind.

"JUST KILL YOURSELF THERE AND NO ONE WILL KNOW WHAT'S THE REASON!" The angry demon yelled at me as I scream.

Thank god, my parents are in Alabang. They're two—three hours away from home.

"PLEASE, I'M SORRY! I SHOULD'VE MESSAGED BACK!" I yelled as I open my eyes to see Izzie. It's not real, Katie. She's far away from you.

I run to my bed and curled up like a ball on the corner. "Bullshit, Katie. We hate you, I hate you, go to hell! Die!" She said as I cry more. "YEAH, CRY! THAT'S WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO!! CRY!!" I heard Sabina's voice.

"STOP!" I cry harder, "Katie?" I hear the familiar voice, I look who it is and it's Mila. "Mia?" She smiles as she evilly smirks, "Such a fucking bitch." She said,

"No, I'm not!!"

— December 17, 2020 —

She gave me a 'chance', but did she? Really? She didn't really gave me one, but all Mia did was put me in a groupchat with her real life 'friends' and keeps on calling me a bitch.

Oh, did I mention they told me to fly myself out to China and get Coronavirus and then die?

Yes, yes they did.

I'm currently crying, because I'm never getting them back. Never. I start to hyperventilate as my vision starts to get blurry.

Anxiety attack.

I grab my phone as I click Youtube and put on Jacksepticeye videos, I keep on watching it as I slowly start to calm down.

Since no one will calm or help me with my attacks, I try to watch videos of my favourite youtubers. I've been having these attacks since they went all on me, and it never stops.

Did I mention I get nightmares about them too?

There's this one time, Mila and Izzie both stabs me to death, or I get electrocuted by Cameron..

Oh, I also got lost in the woods in my dream, and everyone are just in the cabin waiting for me. Then once I got there, they tortured me.

I'm done being this girl, I'm done. I can't let them haunt me forever and act like they actually know everything.

I went to the nearest shop in the town and bought the stuffs I need. Envelopes, sd cards, and notebooks.

I look at the stuffs and smile, "Did you guys think I'll let you guys be in peace when I die and be happy that I did? I think the fuck not." I clench my hand and punch my desk as I start writing on the notebooks.

— NEXT DAY —

I'm almost done, I'm just putting their names. One each for these stuffs that I made, I stayed up all night for these babies. Let's just hope they don't break the rules I gave them.

When I'm done writing down the names, I put them in a box where I'm sending it to someone. "No more Katie, and this time... it'll be real."

I look at my phone and the screenshots that I took from Mia, Alazae and I's conversation, I can't help but look at it over and over again. I suddenly feel a tear falling down, I quickly wipe it as I sniff.

"Always jumping to conclusions without knowing the whole truth, and this is what happens." I whisper.

"I'm going to make you happy now, Mila. I'll grant your wish, but never take me for granted." I said as I get a notification from Xia, she was complaining about school as I chuckle and type:

Katie:

Yeah, me too.

But it'll be over soon, I promise.

You have a couple of years

to go before leaving school forever.

I smile and frown. I'm never gonna meet Xia and the others in the future, but I'll be watching over them. I want to see Xia dancing and be a part of a famous dancing group, see Desiree and Summer working together, Ericka having the happiest family, Maddy achieving her goals in life, Emily goes travel the whole world, and then Liz and Indiyana finding a mansion for them and the girls.

Sadly, I won't be seeing that. I won't be here for longer, because of Mia's wish. Congratulations, Mila. You did it, you have wished for it and now I'm going to make it happen for you.

I lay down to my bed and hug my big cuddle husky stuff toy that my dad gave me on my 17th birthday, I start to cry as I hug it tightly.

— December 20, 2020 —

"Hello! Good afternoon. I would like to send these envelopes to Kowloon, Hong Kong please." I put the envelopes on the desk as the lady who works here gets them and put it somewhere else. "This is a lot, ma'am. It'll also take a while before they receive it since we're in Manila, Philippines." The lady smiles as I smile back.

Well, a weak smile. After I send this to Xia, I'll do one last thing before Katie Mae Hargreeves disappears.. for good this time. I grab my phone from my pocket and put it on Spotify, and the first song that plays is: Be Myself by Why Don't We. Listening to the song makes me want to cry even more, so I left the Post Office, grab an Uber, and went home.

When I got home, I didn't realize the shuffle button on Spotify isn't on, it's also the reason why I kept listening to the song over and over again.

Before I went to the Post Office, I went to the Pharmacy near my house and grab something from there. I put out the thing I bought, it's called temazepam, and I maybe have some trouble sleeping.

I put it on my desk and open my laptop as I sit down in the chair. I check my secret email, to see if the email that I scheduled to be sent on the day itself is still there and it is.

It's going to be sent when Xia receives the envelopes, which, they have three or four weeks to settle their crap together.

They probably won't, considering they're too obsessed with the lies they're telling to everyone on Twitter than the truth itself. I shut my laptop down and sit on my bed, I pull the earphones out of my phone as the song continues. It's still the same song.

The pre-chorus is coming so I sing along to it. "We're dancin' on the edge of anxiety's ledge and I might fall again, I might fall. We're walkin' on a rope of worry and I hope that I don't fall again, I don't fall, oh."

I grab the bottle of temazepam and open it as I debate if I should do it or not. "Take me somewhere I can be, I can be myself. Oh, take me somewhere I am free, free to be myself and nothin' else." I drank one first, and look at the wall. I'm slowly starting to feel sleepy, as I grab a ton of them and drink it. I lay down on my bed, preparing for what's happening.

"In friendships, there's always enough sunshine for everybody. But they had too much sunshine, so I give them what they really deserve to have...." I said as the music continues, I slowly close my eyes waiting for it to happen.

"We're dancin' on the edge of anxiety's ledge and I might fall again, I might fall..." I heard footsteps from the stairs, they're too late. Someone unlocks my door.

"Katie?! Oh Jesus! Jay? Jay! Call 911!!" Mom quickly gets a hold of me, puts me on her lap as she hugs me and grabs my hand, "My dear K-Katie, please open your eyes for me. P-Please." She's crying. I open my eyes, I see my mom. Her make-up is a mess, but she didn't care.

"I-I'm sorry, mommy. I-I love y-you..." I said, then everything went black.