CH 26 The Lost

I had been walking for maybe an hour. Struggling with images and memories that reminded me of her. Should I really go back?

The people I knew were in danger from being near me in the first place. Now, I really am a danger to them if I break down from just remembering her.

Maybe, I should just leave.

I sat down, quietly contemplating my next actions with my eyes closed. I controlled my breathing. I decided to try meditating, whatever that truly means.

My head was clear. I had nothing to ...

'Mery.'

I could feel my face scrunch at the nearly audible name. I refused to give in right now. I relaxed again. I tried what I had done before.

I pictured myself as a bottle this time. A 'me' shaped bottle. The lid was off and it was filled with a deep purple liquid nearly about to overflow. I pictured a hand lifting the 'me' shaped bottle and pouring the liquid down a drain.

I felt cleansed.

Empty.

My mind felt clear.

'Mery.'

I did not falter this time. A moment later, the darkness overtook me. I could feel my body but I could still see the darkness around me. I was consciously accessing the darkness for the first time.

As I looked for the light, I was confronted with three. None of them had a source. Just a light aura on the ground. Two were next to each other and the last one was behind me. I walked forward to the two lights that were adjacent to each other. I could not see a difference in them at all. I stepped into the one on the right. It turned red.

"So."

I could hear the boy.

"You found another path to walk, aside from anger."

I turned until I could see the boy. As creepy as ever.

"Path?"

"Those that walked a path in the past only knew anger. They only walked one path and were destroyed for it. There were exceptions."

"The other human?"

"Oh, you catch on quick. He found a path different from you. He enjoyed torture and killing. He had no real anger. He only took pleasure in the pain of others. From what I have seen of you so far, you will not take that path."

"I could never enjoy the pain of others."

"I know. It's not a problem for me. Try the other lights. See what paths you have opened."

I looked at the other two lights. They were both still a plain white light. I took a few steps over to the light next to me.

"Uh... Nothing is happen..."

The light changed to purple. The boy began to laugh. It was scary the way he sounded. It was an almost pure laugh with a sinister feeling behind it. I turned to the direction he was facing. I saw another outline of a person. This one was taller. Thinner. It began to step forward. A woman?

"Hello again, Lake."

THAT VOICE!

I broke my meditation and slammed my face into the sand.

"Oh god. That was Mery. Why is she in my head like that?"

I spoke to myself out loud.

I lifted my face and stared blankly at the blue ceiling called sky.

What do I do? The sun had moved. I was meditating for a few hours at least.

Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe she will be with me forever like that?

Maybe I trapped her there. That would be horrible. Not the thought of her being with me but, what if it's like a prison in there for her?

I calmed down and decided to attempt the darkness again. I made it back in with little effort. I was in the middle of the lights again. None were activated. I think I was scared. I didn't want to see her again right away.

So many questions.

I reluctantly walked over to her light and stood in it. It changed much faster this time. I could not see anyone around me.

"Did I scare you?"

It was her, she was here. I could feel my heart pounding. I almost broke the meditation again. I focused on my breathing. I regained my composure.

"I was n... I didn't think I would see you here of all places... Mery."

Her form appeared in front of me. She drew closer but I could still only see the outline. It was the exact shape of the one I lost.

"Oh, I'm not Mery. Just like the little boy, I am just another ..... in this place. Also, just like the boy, I know you better than you know yourself. This form was given to me when you opened the path of pain and sadness. Sorrow."

I saw her lips move for that one word but, I could not make out the word she said.

"What..."

I saw her shadow put a finger up to where her lips would be and backed away. The light changed back to normal. I backed off the light and re-entered.

"I have questions. Come back."

The light refused to change.

"Fuck."

I was about to sit down when I remembered the third light. I quickly walked over to it and stood in the center. Like the other light on the first try, It took longer to change. It became green. I quickly looked around and saw nothing.

"Where are you?!"

"Be calm, young one."

An older man's voice.

"Who are you? Where are you?"

I heard him chuckle a little.

"I am here. You do not need to see me. I can hear you."

"Are you another path?"

"Indeed. I am the path of wisdom. You opened this place of your own accord. You listen to those around you and you do not shy from harsh truths. You quelled your sorrow on your own. These wisdoms allowed me to talk with you. None of the previous users of the potion of Rage could come close to what you have done, aside from the first."

"What is this place. Why are there people like you here?"

"Hmmmm..."

He sounded conflicted with what to tell me.

"I can tell you some things. But you must have more experience before I can reveal all. This place was created by the first potion user. It is a gathering place for the power of the potion. The first user was in fact the creator. He knew what to expect with the potion and how it was to work. It was not meant to be 'the potion of Rage.' It was to be 'the potion of Emotions.' It would let those who used it, draw power from their emotions. Through sorrow, one could reinforce their own will. Through anger, they could reinforce their body. Through happiness, their spirit and wellbeing."

"Through wisdom, their mind."

"Precisely."

"But, wisdom is a ... well it, usually is not attributed with emotions."

"Wisdom is born through emotions. If you hurt someone by your actions, be it physical, emotional, or verbal, you learn from what you have done. If you feel pain after you hurt someone, you learn about yourself. You discover your dislike of causing pain and try to learn how to not do it again. You begin to learn how to care for others in this way. You learn, You become wise and earn a shred of wisdom. Thus, wisdom is more emotion than any other you can think of."

"Is there some kind of destructive power I have because of this light? Because of wisdom?"

"Only If you learn how to use the other powers without emotions."

I looked up. I was taken back a bit. The outline of the old man was sitting at an awkward angle directly above me.

"Can that be done?"

He turned his shadowy head toward me.

He said nothing.

"If it can be done. Can the opposite be done? Can I learn to use my emotions without the power?"

"I'm sorry to say, that can not be done. Yes, you can use the powers you have without emotions. The only way to use emotions without power is to act. Put on a show. A façade."

I lowered my head in defeat.

"What's the point If you can't feel anything?"

"Maybe you should try it for yourself. You may find the reactions of those around you more fulfilling than doing nothing. You have already made small steps toward that end."

My stupid grins to show I'm teasing people.

"What about the power I have when I am happy? I laughed and people died. It never seemed to be one power, It seemed... random. What Is that power?"

"Spirits."

The old man said.

"Spirits?"

"Yes, spirits. When the world was drained of mana, similar to your Will of Memory sword, there were spirits left behind that needed no mana to survive. The major spirits of this world were lost. The world of Eyse is slowly dying without the greater spirits to keep track of the elements. All that is left are lesser spirits with populations that are only dense in certain areas. When you had your fun times at the human kingdom, that place was filled with earth spirits. Closer to the edge of the city in the forest. There were more air and earth spirits in that spot. When you fill with happiness, the spirits are filled with anger and fear. They retaliate. They hate the sensation you give off when you are happy. If the greater spirits were still here, they would understand your energy and keep the lesser spirits calm. If anything, Your happiness would have gained you allies from the spirits. That was in the past. This dyeing world has made a power of yours worse than it need be."

"So, due to circumstances in the past, I can't be happy if I want to keep those around me safe?"

"If you can find a spot where no spirits reside, you can enjoy yourself to your heart's content. You had lots of fun in the city of black cats, no? The only spirits that used to reside there were those of old gods. The lesser spirits never stayed there due to fear of the larger ones."

"So my time with Mery really was ..."

I began to feel the pain in my heart again.

If she had lived, I could have spent my life with her there, in bliss.

I cut my chat with the light of wisdom short. My meditation broke again.

It was dark out.

I felt a tear form and it traveled halfway down my cheek before I saw it fall. It landed in the sand. The sand it landed on, disintegrated on the spot.

It reminded me that I can't let my emotions go.

I cleared my head once more.

I stood.

"I'm coming, Sophie."

Knowing what I know now, I can move forward.

For the time being.