Chapter 2

1983 (chapter 1)

It was the year 1983, Rosalinda went into labor and visited her mother in the beautiful country of Colombia. The birth went on without any inconvenience, although it was a delicate pregnancy. A few months later, Rosalinda, who was a single mother, had to return to Venezuela, where she had been living for some time, to continue laboring and not lose her job, and she was forced to leave the newborn maricarmen with her sister Celia, who would take care of the child, soon after the girl had a very uncomplicated surgery on her genitals, her clitoris was very long and stuck to the labia, covering part of her vagina so that it was necessary to detach it so that the labia could develop normally, and this was done

A couple of years later, Rosalinda returned for her children and she was stable and that was a low blow to Celia who gave her heart to that baby, stopping loving her to adore her. The years passed and Celia went to Venezuela a couple of times to see the children until one day her health did not allow her to continue traveling and she never saw the girl again.

The years went by but Rosalinda's character was more and more severe for the teaching of her children. Slaps were almost a daily routine for Maricarmen who was already 10 years old, her 12 year old brother was a special child with meningitis when he was barely a bb behind in his learning development and in understanding why it was Maricarmen's turn to take care of him.

Rosalinda, who was remarried because Jose and Mari's father never responded, had to work hard and was not aware of what was happening to his little daughter when she was 10 years old. Mari played with a political cousin named Natalia, and they played soap operas every time she visited. and that saturday afternoon something happened in mari q she couldn't help but in the middle of the supposed novel that they planted an innocent kiss in natalia's mouth this would sound normal and many girls would do it but in mari was different xq she felt since then q her feelings towards her cousin were not as they should be

As the days passed and while Rosalinda was combing Mari's hair, her brother Jose asked Rosalinda

-mama why mari kisses natalia on the mouth?

Mari never expected that and neither did Rosalinda who reacted the way she thought appropriate by beating Mari without asking or speaking. And from that moment on Mari was never allowed to play with Natalia again and she became even more afraid of her mother.

Soon after, Rosalinda was left in her husband's state and she became a child again. That maricarmen pregnancy made her feel even more abandoned and misunderstood, even though her mother was never a friend of hers, nor did she give her that love that some mothers overflow, perhaps because she thought it was the best way to raise her, the situation was getting worse for mari now it was her turn to take charge of miracles and that for her was simply unbearable I never think since for rosalinda to give her opinion was synonymous with rebellion she was forced to keep quiet as the days went by and one morning mari simply knew that she was not happy that she did not want to be a child and in His mind seemed to him that boys were much better off than girls and he even imagined himself every night being a boy and secretly falling in love with his classmates. He pretended to have boyfriends and made his friends believe that he did, but his masculine demeanor was not attractive to any boy his age.

At a certain point in her puberty Mari wanted to convince herself that if she tried to be feminine like the other girls in her room and have a boyfriend she would do better and would be better treated by her mother but the only time Rosalinda got news that her daughter was possibly with a man who was even 15 years older than her she gave him another beating this time much more savage and took her early the next day to a gynecologist accusing her of being a slut

The doctor who attended her asked Mari as she moved a chair to sit in front of her and looked into her eyes

-Are you nervous?

Mari nodded her head and said that if she was

The doctor asks again

-Tell me the truth, this man touched you or fingered you or put something inside your vagina.

Mari responded by shaking her head no, the doctor asked her to take off all her clothes, including her underwear, and to lie down on the table, opening her legs. Then she placed a cold cream around Mari's vaginal lips and ordered her to take a breath and gently release it, while a tiny speculum gently pressed into Mari's vaginal cavity, which took seconds.

The doctor came out and Mari's mother with an angry look at her daughter asked

-how did you get out doctor

And the doctor

-I should talk to your daughter and give her a little confidence. To refer to the psychologist Rosa here is the order it is important that you attend

During that day Rosalinda did not talk to her daughter even to offer an apology Mari still had bruises on her face from the beating given by her mother and so he had to go to school bending over the face of his peers, in the afternoon played the appointment with the psychologist Mari was afraid of how it would be that meeting, it was time the doctor who had the name of pink as his mother first asked for a moment alone with Mari and closing the door of that office

-sit down princess tell me what's going on with you there's something you want to talk about

-I haven't done anything wrong doctor my mom doesn't love me or I don't know

-if she loves you but sometimes mothers don't know how to protect you but she loves you, tell me do you have a boyfriend?

-no

-have you had them?

-once only

-And what happened?

Mari didn't continue to talk and the doctor got up, went over to her and took her hand and said

-look at me.. Don't be afraid what you tell me will stay between you and me

Mari looked at her again and said

-I don't like boys, I want to be a boy, they don't let them out, they play, and until I have a girlfriend, I don't want to be a girl doctor.

The doctor raised her head subtly and said

-You have to talk to your mommy and if you are afraid, give me permission to do so.

Terrified Mari said to him

-nooo!! Please hit me if you find out don't tell him

The doctor, in keeping with her word, replied

-I won't tell her, but I will set up several appointments for you until you feel able to talk to her and me all three of you about it.

Mari felt a relief that she had never experienced before until a smile came out of her face and lit up her face. It was the first time she had ever spoken and she realized that silence was not the best solution. When she left the house with her mother, they did not speak or say half a word to each other. Mari continued to hide her preferences and to make fantasies in her head and fictitious relationships with other girls, mari shielded herself in sports and gymnastics to justify her somewhat masculine style and to be able to dress to her liking and so the days and months went by, a couple of times she escaped to discos for homosexuals but her little capacity to socialize did not allow her to flirt with anyone and although mari was sure that she liked girls she did not dare to experiment more deeply.

Again, when she was almost 16 years old, things between Mari and Rosalinda got bad. Rosalinda saw that Mari did not have a boyfriend or a lover and started to put pressure on her.

Rosalinda's impression when she arrived home was devastating as she saw her mother in that state and about to die.