Day Seven

I entered the meeting room and took my usual spot at the table. I was more eager to meet with Nathan because I hadn’t seen him yesterday. I also wanted to ask him some more questions that weren’t just for my job but about my job. I had a feeling that Nathan knew a lot more things than he was willing to tell me and I just hoped that I was able to build up enough trust so that he would tell me something, even if it was just a little.

The sound of a low buzzing sounded as Nathan came out of his door. He didn’t look as bad as I had seen a few days before but it also seemed like he was still sick. He moved a bit slower and his movements to sit down were sluggish. His hair was also very messy and not the neat messy that it usually was. I noticed bags under his eyes and it made me wonder if he had gotten enough sleep and I wanted to ask him about what was wrong, but I didn’t think he would answer.

He placed the book I had given him on the table and slid it over to me. I didn’t even notice he had it because I was caught up in how he looked. He stared at me for a moment before sighing and looking away as if he was extremely tired. It made me want to ask questions even more but I didn’t know if him being tired would allow me to ask more questions or less.

“I see you finished the book. Did you like it?” I asked as I grabbed the book and placed it on my lap.

Nathan nodded but didn’t say anything or look up at me, only increasing my worry. I frowned at him and just stared at him for a few moments before he finally looked at me. We held eye contact for a few minutes before I finally decided just to ask him what was wrong.

“Nathan, are you okay?” I held eye contact.

“Never been better.” His voice sounded scratchy and tired.

“Sarcasm doesn’t make things better.” I pointed out as my grip squeezed the book.

He let out a dry laugh, “Oh, and you will?”

I sighed, “I’m your doctor. I’m here for you.”

He glared at me, “No. You’re here for them. Not me. You’re not here to make things better for me. You’re here to make things better for them, so don’t sit across from me playing the innocent fucking doctor.”

I didn’t say anything for a minute and thought about how to respond back because in a way he was right. It bothered me that he had a point and I know it wasn’t supposed to bother me, and that I was supposed to just try and deescalate the situation and ask the stuff I was supposed to ask and move on. But I didn’t want to do that and I didn’t want what he said to be true, and a part of me was scared because that meant putting my job at risk.

“I’m not here for them today. I’m not taking notes, I’m not gonna tell anyone, and I can keep a secret. I’m here for you today and every other day you need me to be because my patients come first, Nathan.” I told him and watched his glare lighten up a bit but not fade away.

“You could be lying and I’m not in the mood to add to my trust issues, Dr. Codwell-Nakajima.” He flashed a quick unhappy smile before looking away from me.

“Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me? To believe I would lie to you? I mean, I’m always asking if you're okay and I even brought you a book against what I wasn’t supposed to do. I’ve asked questions before that even you know weren’t pertaining to my job description. There is no reason for you to assume I’ll turn around and hurt you. I’m not that type of person, Nathan.” I leaned on the table to catch his attention and draw his eyes back to mines so he knew I was serious.

“It wouldn't be the first time some has said that I can trust them and then turn around and stab me in the back. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I refuse to be made a fool twice.” His voice was firm and unmoving despite the scratch tiredness it had.

“I’m not like whoever hurt you, Nathan. And you don’t have to open up to me today but I want you to know that I am here and I can’t help if I’m in the dark.” I sighed, leaning back against my chair as I watched him.

“So what now? You gonna ask your little questions, take your little notes, and then leave to report it back to the boss?” He asked as he readjusted himself in his seat.

I gave him a light glare, “If I ask you questions will you answer them?”

“No. I’m not in the mood.” He shrugged.

“Then how about you tell me what's wrong with you? I’m not asking for the blunt truth but a little something would be nice because I kind of worried about you.” I told him and I wasn’t lying. This was the second time he had looked so ill in front of me and I had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last time. I didn’t like this and the fact that he didn’t seem to keep playing it off like he’s fine when he clearly wasn't was irritating.

“You could say I have a stomach ache from some food I ate. I did tell you that it makes me sick.” Was the reply he gave me and I was confused because why would he eat something if he knew it would result in him looking a lot like dying trash the next day.

“Why did you eat it then?” I knew my confusion was showing on my face.

“It was getting kinda boring here and I felt like spicing up my time here a bit.” His reply was sarcastic and so was the smile he had on his face when he said it. It once again irritated me but who was I to check him on the situation when he had given me an answer where I expected nothing.

I went along with it, “Well, next time you go for a spice in your life; how about just asking me for more books?

This time his laugh was real, “You’ll bring me more books?”

“Yes. I would. Why don’t you tell me some of the types of books you like?” I smiled at him and he returned it. The tension that was once in the air disappeared as it seemed like the issue was resolved for now.

Nathan and I ended up talking about different things not pertaining to work or the hospital. It was more of a personal conversation and while a part of my brain told me that I shouldn’t be getting comfortable, the other part was urging me to get closer and talk more with him. I listened to that side of my brain and we talked about all things from books to me describing movies I knew he would like.

I told him I would try to find book versions of some of the movies I mentioned and that the next time I saw him I would bring him as many books as possible. And if anyone asked me, I would come up with an excuse for me giving them to him. After all, I was his doctor and not anyone else so if I said he needed the books for a reason they had no choice but to let me pass with them to give to him.

By the time I checked my watch I realized that I had spent more time here than before and it honestly surprised me with how fast time seemed to fly. I was so caught up in our conversation and learning the most minor things about Nathan that I ignored the time. I didn’t want it to come off as suspicious so when I looked back up at Nathan to tell him it was time for me to leave he already had a look as if he knew without me saying anything.

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to stay a bit longer next time.” I told him with an apologetic look covering my face.

He shook his head and gave me a soft smile, “I don’t want you to do anything that would get you in trouble.”

“Spending time with my only patient shouldn’t get me in trouble.” I smiled as I stood up with the book in my hand.

“You’d be surprised at what can and cannot get you in trouble here. Be careful.” He warned me and I could tell from his tone he was actually looking out for me.

I nodded, “I will Nathan.”

I ended up leaving the room before him for the first time and I quickly left the area. I walked back to my office and when I went to unlock my door I found that it was already unlocked. I found that weird since I always locked the door before I left out of habit.

I opened the door and closed it behind me, locking the lock as I looked around my office. At first glance, there was nothing wrong but when I walked around I noticed some things out of place with my desk. My computer was turned on but the screen was off and I always completely shut down my computer before leaving. There was also a draw that was still cracked open and when I pulled it open fully it looked neat but it was out of order.

I pulled out the folder I kept on Nathan and placed it back in the spot in the back and not the middle. I bit my lip as I sat in my chair, placing the book on my desk before turning on my computer screen. The background showed up and while that was normal I knew for a fact that I had left my browser up with my email opened and the word document I was working on was now closed too.

It was painfully obvious that someone had been in here snooping and it made me uncomfortable but it also solidified the minor worries that had been building up since being here.