~3~

Years passed, and we never went back to that village ever again. Actually, we never went on a family vacation since those days.

Well of course we can't... After months of suffering from cancer, mom passed away. She became the brightest star in the sky that keeps watching me, and being proud of me. "I hope". However, she'll always be inside my heart, her words will always be my best melody, her hugs used to be my comforting moments but they are now only a beautiful memory...

Mom was the only human on earth that encourages me to follow my dreams. How beautiful she was! With her smile that is still engraved in my mind. She was the only human on earth who actually believed in my dream, who believed in me. I loved her the most. Losing her was a tragedy for all of us. Dad could never have the same old life. When he used to tease her so much, and when they argue about some random TV shows, or whether the zebras are black with white lines or white with black lines. He misses her every morning. When she used to keep on nagging while she was trying to wake up my brother, when my father forgets to turn off the lights, when I burn the food that everybody was waiting. My elder brother, Josh, became a grown up after that, he was no longer the weirdo teenager that loves sports but hates parties. I still remember on his last year of high school, I was a little kid back then. On his prom night, he literally left his prom date waiting for him for the whole night when he suddenly decided to go take a run instead of picking her up. Mom really got mad that day, my father too. Josh said : "I don't even know her, she just stuck onto me and I didn't even want to go there, it's just so weird when everybody starts pretending to be in love while in reality, they aren't".

I think that what he did was somehow super cool, it was true that mostly high school kids don't love, they just think they like a person so they rush and get into a relationship that may lead to horrible consciousness that no one would ever want. My brother went to military when he turned 28 years old, in the name of defending the country and helping civilians, even if there is no war.

In conclusion, our family got separated after losing one member.

Death... Isn't it just so cruel for the living people? Maybe it's a release from sorrow for the deceased ones, but not for its family, friends, lovers...

I chose after mother's death to live where she passed her teens, where she met dad; in a small city called "Yellow Springs". It wasn't so famous back then, not many people used to live here, but she loved it, enjoyed her days, and had many memories in its streets. But today, it somehow became a little bit bigger than how it used to be. You can find many schools, markets, small businesses, parks; anything that any other city would have.

Mom was occupying a tiny apartment, where she had been before marrying my father, where I installed my paintings and brushes to chase my dream.

It was actually in the second floor, with a balcony. At the entrance, a mirror so you could check yourself before going out, but I rarely use because of my uncomfortableness when seeing myself or other people on glasses. With a black leather sofa at your left and an old TV putted on a kind of a library; that barely works sometimes. The kitchen was opened to the living room. With only one bedroom and a miniscule bathroom. Since I moved there, I frankly changed the whole house decoration *that's only if it was actually decorated*. The library under the Television finally had books and CDs in it. I liked to add too many pillows on the couch for more comfortability. Some plants here and there, that I never forgot watering because technically my life is pretty empty, other than going to work, or looking for other job applications, I had nothing to do with my life. So I take care of my plants, I draw from time to time. I repaint the walls if I'm extremely bored. I try cooking; thing that I'm still working on, my food tastes amazingly bad. In my room where you can find my clothes hanging on a cloth's stand, a large single bed with ancient pink sheet; and of course, too many pillows and two teddy bears; a giant light brown one, and a tiny panda bear.

I've decided to move to mom's old house in order to achieve my dream. I've always wanted to become a famous painter that would be recognized for many ages. Same as the famous deceased ones, like the legendary Vincent Van Gogh, Frida Kahlo, Mary Cassatt, Salvador Dali, Claude Monet and many others... But when I reached my seventeens, I knew it can't really become true because I simply didn't know many people and didn't have much of interaction with the world. In other words, I was an introvert. So I just quitted my dream and turned it into hoping to become an art teacher, or anything that is related to arts.

I believe that many people have billions of dreams while some others are still lost in the middle of nowhere, with no path to walk in; letting the routine take the power over them. How hard is it to find your own objective in life, or to be more specific; you own "GOAL". Life is full of mysteries, full of surprises; same as us. It may need too much time to know what your actual dream is, but it will always come one day. Just like how we think we already know ourselves so well while each minute, we discover our real identity.

But mostly Miss. Society kills every new light that comes out. She smashs and destroys us with her words that feel like knifes stabbing deep inside our bodies and minds... in order to keep on living in peace, you have to let her come onto you and rule your whole life. But does that mean that you'll have you happiness? Well, you won't. Maybe fighting is hard, maybe fighting is tiring. But if you don't try, you'd never reach. I know it's really hard to keep your hopes up when no one is standing by your side. But sometimes, all you need is to believe in yourself. I believe in you.

For me, living in a whole new city at your early adultness was never easy, especially for a lost person like me with no stable job. However, at the end, it doesn't matter as long as I keep on breathing and keep on living at my own. And somehow, I'm frankly happy with my simple life that "I" rule, by my own...

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